Anxiety has been at a medium, but bearable range for the past week. Started back to school-- under probation-- last week. Went to the first class last Thursday. Was really proud of myself. Then this past week has been alittle shaky-- primarily because some staff at the school are on strike and it bothers me to cross a picket line. I missed Monday because anxiety was alittle high. Tuesday, I sucked it up and dealt with it and it wasn't that bad. In class, however, was difficult because the air conditioning was broken, plus a very hot and humid day and with around 100 students, it heated up quickly. Flared my anxiety, but I made it until the end. I didn't go to class yesterday because of the heat.
Today I went to talk to my Disability Services counsellor, but because she's part of the striking workers, I had to see the head of the dept. There I found out that the student loans that I would apply for, has me flagged because of my problems I had last semester. I didn't know about it because I haven't checked my email because I'm scared to open anything. I know, it's so irrational, but in my mind I have this feeling that by opening something, will trigger an alarm and have authorities after me. Again, I know irrational. But as I write this, I'm in full blown anxiety attack. Anyways, I have to open a particular email and write a letter explaining what happened for Winter/Summer of this past year already I'm freaking out about the what ifs.
I'm trying to take a fresh approach to the school year and to my recovery, but I'm afraid that this is going to derail things. Any suggestions/advice is greatly appreciated.
I checked my email (and cleaned it out). Found the email I needed and freaked. The financial people are banning me for 12 months because of poor academic performance. However, I can appeal it, and I will. I have documentation from my dr. I just have to wait about 4 weeks to find out if the appeal is ok'd or denied. I'm scared to death right now. I've never been in such a predicament like this before. All because my anxiety. I thought I knew before that I wanted to recover, but after this, I want to get this beast under control before it wrecks any more areas of my life.