Sorry to hear about your frustration . . .if I may, can I ask you if you have resolved the issue of betrayal with your former live in? The reason I ask is that perhaps this is a trigger for you and that you see anxiety as being a reason for not getting involved . . . anxiety is a very clever companion . . . .it allows us to have goals and dreams but it puts up obstacles to these dreams . . . I also sense that you are engaging in a bit of self-fulfilling prophecy . . . you want a relationship, but you immediately counter it with who would want a person with anxiety? you would like a child, but it would not be fair to the child because of your anxiety?
Are you receiving guidance from a professional to help you with your anxiety issues and management? Not only in personal relationships but whatever is happening on the work situation?
It is good that you are going out as much as you can, but you also have to do some self-assessment in my opinion based on my own experiences . . . did you end your budding relationship with your new man in your life because it triggered anxiety remembering your prior betrayal or did your anxiety play out unrealistic scenarios? Did you offer this gentleman an understanding of your anxiety and provide him with an opportunity to decide if he wanted to pursue the relationship?
If you find that even having another person in your house to be disruptive, then my first suggestion is to start to work on small events . . . actually, my first suggestion, if you are not already doing so, is to work with a professional . . .the first steps are yours and only yours to take but if you had been seeing someone then you know you can do it . . . Are you isolating yourself? Start with small steps and get out for a walk . . . it doesn't have to be long . .. start out 5 minutes in one direction and then come back home and gradually enlarge your scope . . .
We don't control alot of our lives especially if we live it in the future . . .we can manage alot of our decisions, though, about living in the present . . . .you probably do not realize how strong you are because anxiety brain loves to create its own playground . . . it is not an easy process and a process it is, but start with healing yourself and being open to negotiating a relationship with a man . . .but, you cannot make decisions for others so if there is a gentleman who respects your limits and would like to see you even if it is in very limited meetings, do consider this as one way to start building towards your future while living in the present . . . please let us know how you are doing, okay? Take care, kc