I am posting because I am losing it and hope someone will offer some words of advice, encouragement or something. I'm a mom of two little boys, I stay home with them and it seems I can't do much else but cry. My panic attacks are at an all time high and once that happens, I get into a very desperate frame of mind... 0119, mental hospital... something, somewhere because I need this to stop. I write down what I'm grateful for everyday. I have mantras that I say over and over. I'm on an SSRI and a daily benzo. I take vitamins, drink lots of water, eat well. I hide my craziness as mush as possible from my kids. My husband is very helpful but I'm certain he feels helpless and frustrated at this point. My family and friends tell me that I'm healthy and have been thoroughly checked out so many times that I need to let it go, move on. I guess the problem is that I don't agree with them. I haven't been thoroughly checked out in my opinion. I haven't had a blood test in a year. I did have an abdominal CT and endoscopy last year (same time as the blood tests) because of stomach pain. That came out fine. Then I got injured running and had physical therapy and an xray of my hip, that healed. I also started seeing a chiropractor, he did back xrays and said I was fine and just needed to realign my injured hip. A bit later, after have face, neck and ear pain, I was diagnosed with TMJ by a MD and DDS but nobody ever gave me an x ray or mri to be certain - the MD gave me muscle relaxers and the DDS made me a splint and gave me ibuprofen. I then saw a neuro, because I thought for sure all the head and neck pain was because of something sinister like a tumor. He gave me all the in office neuro tests and said I did great and that I have tension headaches. He gave me naproxen, it helped the headaches. But here I sit afraid to touch my neck because it pains me from the back of my ears, down the sides of my neck, under my jaw and across my throat area. I describe the pain as achey with occasional sharp pains. It feels to me like it's my glands but I had two doctors check my neck and they said nothing is wrong with them, they don't feel anything. I also have my husband check my neck too, he says there is nothing. He also says I don't actually know what gland pain feels like and that I need to stop thinking it's my lymph nodes. I try and take his advice because he knows what enlarged nodes feel like because he had them when he was diagnosed with lymphoma. I've become convinced again that this is something bad - the pain is constant right now. I have had this pain in the past and it has gone away for weeks at a time, which makes me feel better for like an hour. I have gotten so bad that I've stopped putting lotion on my face and neck because I am scared to touch it. I've also been wearing a scarf to avoid my neck, I'm seriously losing it. I have an appointment with a neuromuscular dentist this week. I have no idea what he does at a consult but I am terrified. I can't sleep either which of course makes everything so much worse. And to top it off I had my first experience hypnic bang last night and I almost passed out from panic. As I was falling asleep, a big electrical sounding "bang" came out my ears. It happened three times in a row. I just stopped taking ativan before bed and my husband read it can cause that to happen... and just anxiety on it's own can cause it to happen. To finally get to sleep, I had to take an ativan, which I really had hoped to wean myself off of. I'm a mess guys. Can anyone relate or does anyone have TMJ. Does it sound like I have been doing my due diligence and have been as thoroughly checked out as my family is saying or? Thank you in advance for any comments.