History is multiple life changes this year, new marriage, new job in a new industry, new house, moving my self and husand and my college age daughter into one house,
lots of issues there with the moving and working and trying to unpack and trying to be superwoman and do it all and failing miserably
This started when we returned from our trip to Montana, that evening I was stressed and it manifested it in me blowing up because my daughter had not left the A/C on
when she left for work.
Then on That Sunday I was Negative and argumentative. We had issues on that day and the week after in regards to my insecurities
Then on Friday 08/09/2013 we were drinking and I had extremely too much to drink
I was obviously very stressed by this time and it manifested itself in me picking a fight and arguing with my husband over something so stupid then not wanting to take his answers and being disrespectful// I called him by my ex-husbands name 2x.
That resulted in him sleeping it the other room for the night and for us to have a very stressful and uncomfortable weekend, where he was trying to wrap his mind around my actions
We then spend a few tense days where I was scared and terrified and so worried about what I had done.
Then on Thursday 08/15/2013 he told me he had done a lot of soul searching and had discovered that he may still have feelings for his ex-wife.
I took this badly.
I then started a campaign of tears and drama and letters and text messages and emails to try and make him forgive me and change his mind that he wanted to leave me and move in with his ex-wife.
That continued for about a week where it finally was brought to my attention that not only were my efforts falling on deaf ears/ I was in fact driving him crazy and stressing him to the point of exhaustion and not wanting to be near me at all and pushing him away and hurting him because he was so stressed out by my actions and continued pushing and poking
I realize that I was in complete panic mode. I was terrified of losing my husband. I still am although he has made it quite clear he plans to sell his motor cycle and or take a loan on his car to get away from me.
Posting a ton of images and messages and pictures etc. on 0401 again to prove my point and not In a positive way by any stretch of the imagination
On Sunday 08/29/2013 I finally snapped and had panic attacks that scared me a lot I honestly thought I was having a heart attack and that I would not make it through the day.
I called the EAP through my work and was connected with an intake counselor who listened and directed me to a Counselor to start treatment for my issues.
I then contacted my PCP to look into medications to alleviate the Stress and the Anxiety issues as well as a medication to combat the panic attacks.
Itís been 5 days on meds. I am feeling calmer and able to converse with my husband in a calm and reasonable manner and present my thoughts and feelings in a positive way