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Author Topic: 10 years anxiety  (Read 1343 times)

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Offline kconnors

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #15 on: September 21, 2013, 08:46:15 AM »
Hello,

Happy Birthday to your son and I am pleased that you are finding support on this forum . . . . and yes, creating a forum especially one that addresses issues from your own cultural perspective will not only help other people to give them a safe place, but will also help you because it will be a positive step in managing your anxiety . . .

It is very difficult when the issues of mental health become confused with faith . . . I guess I view, regardless of the religion or personal belief system, that faith is that one does what one has to do to live a full and good life for themselves, for others, and for the community and given that anxiety is a health issue such as any other, what faith tells me is that I need to work to manage it so I can go ahead with living a productive and good life . . . I feel that faith does not eliminate personal responsibility but that it serves to provide us with hope that every problem is simply a solution waiting to be found . . . in any case, I do understand the issues of traditional religious belief system and for me, sometimes, one has to decide how to interpret one's faith so that it makes sense to them . . .

Because the history of anxiety has long been an invisible health disease, it does take time to change the attitudes of others especially those who do not suffer from anxiety . . . the way we change attitudes is through strengthening ourselves to understand what is going on and how common anxiety is but how unique symptoms are among individuals, supporting each other to remove the stigma and the isolation, and giving ourselves credit for each and every success, big or small . . .

Well, this is getting a bit long but before I sign off . . . your English is excellent and you have ever right to be proud of the accomplishment and, yes, there is recovery . . . it is a process and not an event but it is a process that we can all work on individually and together . . . .you can and will recover . . . so, use your faith and your hope to guide you to make decisions that will help your progression on a step-by-step basis and come here as often as you can and let us know how things are going . . .take care, kc
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Offline van151

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #16 on: October 04, 2013, 11:56:39 PM »
Now I'm in anxiety episode for a week. Tomorrow is my dissertation proposal presentation and in the next month I must pass a big exam in this doctoral program. Also to make matters worse an old grudge is coming up my head again, about 11 months ago I loss my job because some people didn't like the way I teach my student. The result is I feel moving strange sensation or pain in my tongue, neck, throat, or chest but mostly on my tongue. I think my immune systems are dropping , I got cold now. My anxiety brain and my reality brain are in fight mode now.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #17 on: October 05, 2013, 08:09:22 AM »
Hi,

To me, it is not surprising that you are experiencing anxiety . . . .I've been there and I know what it is like . . . and as much as I wish that I had some "magic" words for you, the best that I can offer you is the following from my perspective based on my experience . . .

1.  Have faith in yourself and understand that chances are someone on your dissertation committee will want something changed for no apparent reason just because that is the process . . .  faculty on dissertation committees often have their own agendas and that agenda may have nothing to do with you . . . a colleague of mine who is absolutely brilliant (publications, invited to speak at conferences, etc.) was given an absolutely hideous time at her dissertation defense by one faculty member who thought and these were his words that "she needed to be taught a lesson because he felt that she was too conceited" . . . now, my friend is the least conceited because she is extremely shy and has very low self-esteem, etc. Another faculty member gave her a hard time because he was having a departmental fight with her supervisor . . . all of this to say is that we cannot control other people, just ourselves . . . and often, in faculties, the student is caught in the middle of political academic games . . .

2.  Don't live in the future . . . yes, prepare for it, but you do not know how the different aspects of reality will come together . . . .

3.  The same goes for the past . . . . you cannot change it, just learn from it . . . everyone teaches in a different fashion . . . learn from the event, but it is only one event . . . . go and build on that event . . . okay, so someone does not like how you teach . . . are you confident that the teaching method was valid? If so, how can you apply it outside of academia? What about using your teaching skills elsewhere or in some other area?

4.  Physical symptoms are linked to anxiety and yes, anxiety affects our immune system . . . when I am in an episode, I usually pick up a cold or something . . .

5.  In order for you to focus on reality brain and help move anxiety brain into the area of non-effectiveness, perhaps look at it this way . . . anxiety, in very small doses, can be good for us . . . it tells us that we need to prepare to engage in an event (in this case your dissertation) so use it as an early warning system that you need to work on your dissertation . . . but, too much anxiety prevents reality brain from sitting down and making a plan on how to prepare . . . .

I would suggest the following . . . you have a cold . . .now, commit to doing the following: 

1. get sleep and if possible without taking cold medicine --- perhaps some honey and lemon in hot tea --- without sleep, then anxiety's playground is open 24/7;

2.  eat because often we do not eat when we have anxiety and this affects the brain chemistry as well as lowering our immune system --- you don't have to have major meals every hour but be consistent so that you don't put your body into starvation mode --- this is easy to do . . . stop eating for a day or so and your body thinks it will not get any more food so it starts minimizing the resources you have stealing energy from wherever including brain functioning;

3. take time for yourself . . . yes, plan activities for yourself . . . it might be 5 activities during the day each 15 minutes . . .  a walk, a call to family but don't talk about dissertation, etc.;

4. appreciate that you are greater than the sum of any events in your life . . . yes, dissertation is a big event, but so is living life . . . if you fixate on things that you are powerless to change (i.e. attitudes from other people) then you are allowing those people to control you . . . it is your life and you determine priorities and how you will react to events . . . those other people are to be pitied --- yes, they do hold power, but obviously they are extremely unhappy because they have to use that power in negative ways . . .. you are better than that . . .

5.  and, as my Mom would always tell me, we have a limited amount of time in life but we have immense power to decide how we use that time . . . . she would always caution me not to give my time in life to other people to use  because regardless of what other people said about me, I had to know who I was and that was powerful for me . . .

So, acknowledge to anxiety brain that it has a small role to help you to prepare but it has to be in concert with reality brain . . .when thoughts invade, don't focus on them, just let them be . . .they will try to distract you but don't fight them, just let them meander but keep focusing on reality . . .surprisingly, at least for me, if I did this, then anxiety brain would visit and then go away . . . now, anxiety brain pops in every now and again and we exchange hellos but usually anxiety brain gets tired of waiting for me to focus on it and it goes away . . . it is not always easy and I won't lie . . . I still have episodes of anxiety but they are less intense and less frequent . . .

No matter the outcome of these events, you are the person you determine you want to be . . . don't succumb to trying to please everyone because you just end up spending all of your life trying to please everyone else and never yourself . . . I know that this probably does not help, but it is what I experienced so it's my honest reality  . . .take care, let us know how you are doing . . .KC
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Offline van151

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #18 on: October 06, 2013, 10:48:59 AM »
It went well, they like my idea, of course there are many revision but I'm glad that they accept my proposal and I can continue my research after the big exam next month but I don't want to think about it until 2 weeks from now. I thought about what you said and I think I just need 2 weeks to prepare for the exam.

The past is somewhat hard to let go, I know it is not good thing but I hate them, they make me loss my job from the university that I like. They didn't know how stressful I am when I got fired, I worried about my family, I got a lot of anxiety episodes, and I loss my friends. Fortunately a month after I got fired my business is growing so fast and can cover what I loss. Now I teach in different university but the salary is much much lower. I want to forget about it but it's not easy thing do to.

Maybe this is why I still got a lot of episode...
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Offline kconnors

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #19 on: October 06, 2013, 03:49:02 PM »
Hey,

That is great news . . . . yes, it is difficult to let go of the past, but if you do not let go of the past then you are letting those people control your present and your future . . . . this happened to me and I wasted many good years until I realized that these people  mean nothing to me and perhaps, as difficult as it was at the time, but just perhaps they did me a favour . . . .I no longer had to depend on them . . . .I could depend on myself. . . . it took a while to get to that stage but it was a supreme release of anxiety for me . . . .

Look, every exam board has to say something and yes, consider what they said, but in the end they liked your idea and that is all that mattered . . .now, leave that part for now and focus on your exam  and then, once that is over, then you can refocus on the dissertation . . .   okay, you are working at another university at a lower salary, but it is income . . . so that is good . . . your business is growing so that is great . . . .

I think your anxiety may be firmly rooted in what is performance anxiety . . . .because performance anxiety depends on the opinion of others which is something we cannot control, anxiety plays on the vagueness . . . you need to let reality brain come in and tell you what is real . . . do your best and then that is all . . . you will never be able to please everyone so focus on pleasing yourself and your family . . . I won't lie . . .the process is not easy but you have dissertation approval, you are teaching at a university, your business is growing and soon your exam will be in the background . . . don't allow people who do not matter continue to control your happiness and as difficult as process as it is, it is well worth it for your family and yourself . . . keep in touch and let us know how everything is going and always remember, there will be road blocks, you just have to work your way past them . . . take car,e kc
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Offline van151

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #20 on: October 06, 2013, 08:30:07 PM »
Quote
don't allow people who do not matter continue to control your happiness

It's almost a year now since they fired me. I thought about what you said and I remember how those people ruined my holiday, my times with family, or when I'm doing my hobby. Often I can not be there and enjoy the moment because I think too much about what they did to me and how I can take revenge, but in the end it just ruined my day....I often think that if I can take revenge I'll be happy, but the more I think about it the more I suffer. They control my happiness....like you've said.

I think I need to be more thankful, I still able to teach, I got income and it is legal, people in my new workplace is more welcome and they agree with how I teach and how I build the relationship with the students, the students started to like me and respect me, my business is growing and on high season my business is able to give me more income than what my former workplace gave me, and many more...I just need to be thankful, in fact maybe losing my job was the trigger that increased my business revenue. It's only 2 years since I start my business and it have so much potential, it still have a lot of opportunity and it can grow bigger....and if I run it correctly in 10 years it could give me much more income than what my former workplace can give me.

And now I remember, the day when they fired me, there are more people regret it than happy about it, my co-workers didn't agree with the decision,all of my students are sad and angry toward my former workplace including those students whom I never teach, they just heard how good I am on teaching and they like me. Yes, they are people hate me back there but there are more people who love me and agree with what I did there, more than 500 students from my former workplace still follows me on tweeter, they still love me and sometimes they asked me to come back. It is all about politics, I gave a good work performance and some people who didn't like me started to saw me as a threat.

Two days after I got fired I met the rector, I knew him well, he didn't know that I was got fired because the dean did that behind him (I was still on probation as a new lecturer and the dean had the authority to stop my contract) and he asked me to comeback but I rejected it, about 3 months ago someone from the foundation of that university and also happen to be my classmate asked me to comeback she said that they need a good and potential lecturer and she can arrange it if I want to joined them again, but I reject the offer. I reject the offer because I didn't like to work there, I'm not happy, yes they gave me a lot of money but I felt I'm in constant fear, fear of loosing my job, fear of what others people think about me or talk bad thing behind me, the office politics is so tough, and I think its not a good place for a person like me who have anxiety brain. Maybe most people can withstand the politics at my former workplace because they give a lot of money, but not for me, I have anxiety disorder, I rather find another sources of income and teach in a more welcome atmosphere. Sometimes I feel like I'm loosing to those people but if I remember how more people got sad because I got fired and how my former students still talk high about me, I'm not the one who lost, they never win over me, I'm just not there anymore but people still talk good things about me.

The point is, I just need to be thankful and like what Nick Vujicic said "focus on what you have and be thankful"...thank you kc, thanks for remind me. Letting go the past is hard thing to do for me, like when I was young and my girl friend wanted to leave me, I need more than a years to recover and move on  :bigsmile: . I just need to give myself more times, sometimes I just forget what I have and focus on my hateful thought, but I have this forum and you to remind me again and again that I don't need those people who hate me because they got jealous over me, don't let them control my happiness, and be thankful.

thank's kc.

*I just realize "tw11ter" is automatically change to 0248 :bigsmile:
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Offline van151

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #21 on: October 22, 2013, 07:37:47 PM »
Now I'm seeing a new psychiatrist, he give me two medication, one is Alpralzolam which I must take it at night if I feel anxious and cannot sleep, and the other is Flouxetine which I must take it everyday in the morning. I think the last one is some kind of antidepresan pills. I think he's better than the last psychiatrist because he can communicate better, so we talk a lot about my problem. He also suggest me to see another psychologist which he often work together, maybe tomorrow I'll call the psychologist to make an appointment.

Looking forward to work with these new counselor, I hope they can make me better.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #22 on: October 22, 2013, 08:21:41 PM »
Well done . . . these two new people can help guide; only you can make yourself better but I feel that you are well on your way to achieving that . . . know that you are the one with the strength to change and then everything becomes possible given time and effort . . .we're behind you 100%  . . .take care, kc
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Offline van151

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #23 on: October 27, 2013, 10:11:50 PM »
Last Friday I met the psychologist, she said like you have said, it can be cured and it is all depend on me. The therapy session will begin next Friday,  she said that it will make my emotion become stable and she also suggest me to go swimming once in a month because it's good for my health and she also ask me to lower my sugar consumption especially at night because it can makes me become uneasy.

As for the medication that I got from my new psychiatrist, I think it was not suitable for me so I stop it, it made me dizzy and tired, so last night I use the pills from my previous psychiatrist. For more than 3 days ago I felt the strange sensation again in my right part of my tongue, last night I took the pills and have a good night sleep and now I wake up and the strange filling are gone...I think it is a good evidence that the sensation is just in my mind.

So I'm going to stick with my previous psychiatrist, as for the psychologist, I can't wait to work with her this Friday.

Oh and I did some blood test and the result is I'm fine, my kidney, heart, etc all are in good condition, also for the cancer sign, it all came out normal. But I still worried, the "what if" thought is always come in my mind.
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Offline kconnors

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #24 on: October 28, 2013, 07:29:22 AM »
Great news . . . my only suggestion is to try and live each day and get away from "what if" . . . .it is difficult, but it really serves no purpose . . . and now that you are on track, you can start your recovery and start enjoying life . . . keep us up to date whenever you can . . .take care, kc
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Offline matrok

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #25 on: October 31, 2013, 05:55:23 PM »
Thank you KC and van151 for sharing your experiences.  I too deal with GAD and health scares.  Mine started with the death of a family member 2+ years ago and came back last Christmas.  Shortly after the holiday, I was laid off from my job.  I'll start another thread with the rest of my story. 

van - I am working through some of the similar anxieties that you have too.  I believe in God, and He has been my saving grace.  Sometimes I can come to grips with this life is temporary, and eternity will be way better.  It's also scary as I grow in my faith.  There's a book I just started reading that may interest you:

It's called "Switch Your Brain On" by Dr. Caroline Leaf.  Check out the reviews on amazon to see if it fits your needs.

Thanks again,  M
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Offline van151

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Re: 10 years anxiety
« Reply #26 on: December 28, 2013, 06:23:11 AM »
Hi matrok, I'll read the book that you suggest me.

After the exam, slowly I have some peace...but several days ago I got news from my campus that I failed the exam so I need to take another exam in around march 2014. This hit me hard and about two days after that the anxiety come back again. I try to manage it, but yesterday when I have dinner with my friend, I accidentally bite my tongue and the anxiety became worst that I need to take a pill to calm down.

I wonder, I often accidentally bite my tongue everytime this anxiety start to happen, I thought maybe because I take too much attention on every "pain" in my tongue and makes my tongue movement unnatural when I'm eating.

I also experience pain and stiffness on my left jaw, is it common for people with anxiety? Its feels like I dislocate my jaw or something.
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