Hi there... I am 44 years old and female. I am separated from my spouse and I live in Seattle, WA. My story is long and boring but the relevant highlights are that I started having panic attacks a few months ago. I resisted drugs for the first couple of months but after my third hospital visit I decided to take celexa and lorazepam. My anxiety come from the separation with my spouse. We have been apart for one year and five months but we talk almost weekly. He is coming to visit in 8 days and the panic attacks have reached a boiling point. I am now taking lorazepam daily and not feeling the way I want to be feeling at all. Of course, all the loved ones in my life are well meaning but do not understand. I am also seeing a therapist and have been for some time. She does help me a little. It is just something that I cannot describe to others.
I feel like...
I am having a heart attack. I know I am not after three doctors confirmed this but I FEEL LIKE I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK.
The entire chest area part of my body burns. Aches and burns.
My chest is in a vise and it is hard to breathe. You can't see it but the vice is there.
My thoughts are chaotic. There is no clarity during these moments. Chaos reigns and chaos is scary. It hurts.
I forget why I bother with anything.
I forget what I am supposed to do because it isn't important. In fact, I am dying so how can you ask me if my report is done? No it isn't but that is okay. I am dying.
I want to stand on my desk and scream and scream. I want them to come in with an old fashioned straight jacket and put it on me. I will even help them. Take me to the place where crazy people go. Tie me to a bed, give me an i.v. and let me just scream and slam my head against the wall. That is what I feel like doing. I don't understand why they haven't done that yet.
I have a therapist who helps me but NOTHING helps me in the middle of a panic attack and mine seem to last a long time. I come here out of desperation. I am losing hope. I never had them before a few months ago and now I seem to live with it quite steadily. I don't know what to do. Nothing I do works. My chest hurts all the time. ALL the time. I need help. I don't know where to turn.