Ok here we go...
ALL my life I never ever had any health anxiety AT ALL!!! funny thing was that in all those years I was living a VERY unhealthy lifestyle used to smoke 2 pack a day, live on junk food and sodas, never ever went to a check up, in that time I just didnt care if I died or not to be honest.
4 years ago a LOT of things start to change in my life, I met who today is my husband, 2 months later my dad that was my rock died of a massive heart atack he was 65, I start living on my own, etc. So far still no health ansiexty. TILL 2 YEARS AGO my husband went away to visit his family and friends, and I saw an old friend he comment on how skinny I was looking (I had lost around 40 lbs BUT cos I was eating very heathly etc) anyway my friend told me "are u sick?" and I reply "no" he said "you should go for a blood test or something" in that moment I was ok, but looking back I think that was when everything start, as my husband was away I guess I star getting all rutin exams to "pass the time" they were all normal, in that time as well I became obsess with Dr. House and my best friend girl friend was studying medicin so you can imagine the snow bowl that became. My only vice at that point was smoking and i was a heavy smoker and i loved it!!! so i quit smoking think that "affect" everything even more cos I had no way to take out my anxiety, any way last xmas I was at my mums and i was feeling a bit dizzy so she check with a machine my heart beets and pulse, my heart beet was a bit low, so my mum said "omg you have to start doing some cardio" or something like that I think now looking back that was another before and after moment, 2 days later I was making an elecrocardiogram everything was fine with my heart, since then I had almost everything check that you can imagine, gynecologist, abdominal ultrasound, chest x rays, electrocardicogram, breast ultrasound, tyroid ultrasoud, blood test, sugar test,etc. everything is alright. I feel is just getting worst each day THING IS THAT Im not quite sure if is a "fear of dying" cos i never think "omg if there is an earthquake, or if i get hit buy a car, or if someone shot me in the street" is ALWAYS illness terminal ones!!! i never worry about getting diabetis, or stones in the kidney, I always think a) Im gonna have something terminal as cancer or b) my heart just gonna stop. Im being searious is getting too much the only two moments of the day that I can be in peace are when Im eating something or when is bed time. Is difficult to me cos the closest people to me are very racional persons so they just dont get it. I turn 27 next week, I dont know what are the chances of someone at this age dying of a terminal illness or all the sudden. I went to a free theraphy and the women said something quite shocking to me that i "made all this illnesses" to feel somehow close to my day, I know a bit of this have to do with his own death cos well when u lose a parent you feel extreamly vulnerable about everything,
Just wanna know what you think or some tips you can give me spiritual, etc to get over this.
I will love going to theraphy but at the moment im short of $$$
I just feel always that something bad is gonna happen to me, that is the end soon, how i know thats not a intuition thing?