I've just recently found out I have an anxiety disorder.
I've struggled with myself for a long time and I couldn't work out what was wrong with me or why I couldn't seem to hold down a relationship.
I have had 3 relationships, the third I'm still in, but it is proving to be very stressful.
The problems started between 3-6 months into the relationship where I was having this intense fear, jealousy and an urges to run away. I have broken up with my man around 5 -6 times, maybe more... :-*because I have panicked. I have thrown his clothes down the stairs, tried to get him out of my house, both argued and shouted at each other. I just didn't understand why I was reacting this way towards someone I couldn't live without. His life doesn't make it easy for me I have to admit, but I want to be with him forever. I've been extremely jealous and had become quite controlling.
After all this, I knew I had to get some help and so I arranged for a counsellor. I haven't started counselling yet, but I had an assessment and she said it was anxiety. I should have known really, when I was 19 I started having panic attacks, but these subsided when I was 20 and only recently have come back, due to smoking again. I've learnt to control panic attacks, I just cant control the irrational thinking and worrying which Is leading me to run away from the ones I love.
I feel so alone at the moment, and I'm trying to get my boyfriend to read up on anxiety so he can understand and realise i'm not a monster and i'm not reacting this way out of choice. I don't want to lose him. I just want him to understand and in the mean time I need someone else to talk to who does understand