I am so sorry to hear that the inexcusable actions of somebody else has contributed to you living in fear. It's not fair, and it should have never happened. But the most proactive thing you can do for yourself is get tested and start the process of reclaiming your life.
I know, I know. Hear me out. HIV was my "pet" fear for several years. For years I avoided anything related to HIV: articles, charity events, conversations. I even avoided seeking therapy because I knew eventually the therapist would tell me to get tested. And, due to the habits of my past, I had plenty of valid reasons to be afraid of it. (Not to diminish anyone's experiences, but there are lots of people on this forum who are terrified of HIV after one low- or no-risk encounter. Not so with me.) I was sure getting tested would break me mentally. I wasn't ready. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be ready.
I remember exactly what "the last straw" was for me. I came across a story about "National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day" one day in March several years ago. I panicked. I had an internal freakout for days. But I knew what had to be done. It was almost like I was acting outside of myself, if that makes sense. I needed to put this whole thing to bed once and for all. (And, in case I DID have HIV, I needed to see a doctor ASAP.)
The next morning I woke up and asked my husband to take me to our local clinic for a rapid test. At the time, we were lucky to live in a town that had a designated HIV-specific clinic that offered free rapid testing and counseling. It was a godsend.
Of course, I was negative. Of course. I was so elated, but at the same time, I was incredibly mad at myself for wasting so much time being afraid of something that wasn't even there.
So I suppose what I'm trying to say, in a weird, roundabout way, is that the only person who can help you move forward is you. You can read as much as you want about the symptoms and the timeline of HIV infection. You can listen to dozens of people on internet forums tell you to "just get tested" (as if it's that easy). But in the end, it's all on you. I hope one day soon you decide you're ready.
Hypochondria doesn't operate on logic. I know it's hard to get tested. I know it seems totally impossible. I know because I have been there. But if you have HIV (and you probably don't), you have it whether or not you get tested. Be your own advocate.