I am a new member just joined today. I am a resident of Kansas(Midwest). Without mincing words, I would like to come straight to the main topic. I have been suffering from OCD for the last 13 years now. I have gotten used to my weird thinking, but today I got the shock of my life as I got flashes of harming my Mom. To give you a brief background....It's whenever I feel intimidated that I have such violent thoughts about the person due to whom I felt intimidated in the first place. I did get such violent flashes previously, but today was different since I had images of hitting her. I am unable to face her and talk to her in a free way. These images are working over time in my brain.
I would like to confess that I have occasional weird thoughts about her. Though she denies it, I feel she gets upset on trivial matters, she lacks the ability to laugh on herself and if I ever joke on her accidently, she does MIND A LOT!!!!. I feel extremely under pressure to talk to her in a way that will not upset her. But if I feel she is upset for some reason, which clearly shows on her face(She DENIES THAT CLEARLY AGAIN), then I have OCD thoughts and images activated against her almost immediately. Again It's been 7 years since my father passed away and she has been staying all by herself since then. Thought this piece of info might help.
Today I feel like the most evil person walking on this planet. Talking about having occasional weird thoughts about her, there are several that are doing rounds in my mind. I DON'T KNOW WHY, but I have thoughts where I tend to look down upon her as I think she almost always does things better than me....I suspect I could be unfortunately jealous of her. I also tend to get mad, if I find she gives more attention to others, even if it means my husband....YES, this incident took place a couple of days ago. I somehow am struggling to accept her the way she is. PERIOD!!!!!!.
Please help.... I need a solid support from you....THANKYOU!!!!