I want someone to give me a hint or explain to me how to look at this differently. I want to go, "Wow, I never thought of that," or "That makes perfect sense, I can do that."
I was anxious over volunteer commitments I made. I didn't know exactly what my role would be-one of my worst fears. What if I make a mistake or do something dumb, or don't understand the instructions? I always take things literally, and often times I am not on the same wavelength as most people. Even if people don't explain things as well as they could, I always think it is my fault. Well, of course, I made a dumb mistake again this time. I am of average intelligence and I am capable of handling menial tasks, but invariably, I make a mistake that always leaves me doubting myself. What can't I do anything right? How can I be so dense?
If I would relax and not stress, I would be able to think more clearly, and follow directions better. I felt like a loser. My face felt hot, my hands got shaky. I hate not knowing exactly what I will be doing, but I guess that is not the problem; it is how I react to it. I'm sure no one cared-no big deal, but it is huge to me. I allowed this to ruin my night, and I will be reeling from this tomorrow-replaying it all, wondering if anyone is thinking about it and questioning my capabilities.
Why can't I let this go? Do I accept that this is just my anxiety latching on to anything it can find? I was doing my best and unselfishly donating my time-good for me! Maybe I shouldn't do things that end up tormenting me any more.
I know I am not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. I wouldn't be critical of someone else who did what I did, but I can't let it go when I'M the one. How do I put these situations in perspective? Why do I do this? Why can't I let it go? I've got to get a handle on this.