Hey you guys- I would first like to apologize for the length of this post.
Lately, I haven't been feeling like myself. I feel totally out of it. I spend a majority of my day wondering whats wrong with me. Some days are better than others, but there are times when I feel just empty and emotionless. My anxiety started about a month ago when I had a panic attack at work, and ever since I've had horrible anxiety. Ever since I had my panic attack, I've had a constant fear that I was going insane- which I now know is a classic symptom of anxiety. I wonder if smoking weed caused me to have anxiety, because it "opened" my mind and caused me to have anxious thoughts. I've always had a fear of schizophrenia ever since I learned about it in psychology class. I literally spend hours a day on the computer searching up my symptoms, which I now know is the worst thing a person with anxiety can do. This past month has been complete hell for me. There are days when I feel totally empty and emotionless. I know that anxiety can cause depersonalization/derealization, and I have had countless moments when I was under the horrible feeling. I wonder if my anxiety caused me to have depression. I feel like at any moment, I'll just enter a total "manic" episode and I'll loose my "reality" and begin to have delusions or that I'll start to hear voices or see things that aren't real. I'm scared for my life, and I just want to be how I was before I had that panic attack. I try to keep a positive outlook and tell myself that this is just anxiety and that it will eventually pass, but I always think of the worst case scenario and can't help but think if I have a more serious disorder. I sometimes even question reality and think about stuff like "How am I here?" "How did we all get here?" and stuff like "Whats beyond the universe?" There are even times when the second I wake up I'm instantly confused. This anxiety has taken a toll on my life, but I'm trying to keep a positive outlook and just accept my anxiety, so that it will eventually disappear. I have also had OCD ever since I was little, and I thought I nipped it in the butt, but ever since my anxiety started, it sort of came back. I seriously don't know what to do, and I can't stop thinking about whats wrong with me. I took some tests with my general doctor and I'm due for an appointment with a psychiatrist soon. Can anyone relate to my ordeal? I'm so desperate for reassurance and answers. Thank you all for reading!