Hey all, I'm making this post in hopes of connecting, sharing ways to cope, and knowing that I am not alone.
I'm pretty sure my anxiety is generalized, though I'm sure there is some OCD mixed in with it. No matter what I do, it feels like I get anxious about a lot of things. Recently it's been work, like a few issues I have going on (one involving a co-worker that is being a super creep, and a few customer issues because the supervisor before me just mucked stuff up consistently). I always feel constant worry, and I find myself going out of my way to avoid a situation if I can, even if it's silly. Like with my co-worker, I will purposely walk a lap around the whole store to avoid walking by him, even though I know that there isn't much he's going to do in a store full of people. He hasn't done enough to get HR involved, so I just do my best to keep out of the situation. It's not just him though; my fiance tells me I am very intimidating when we're in public (I don't realize that I am), but my only thought is I don't want people talking to me. If I want to talk, I will go up to them on my own terms. It's the fear of what comes out of my mouth; it's never hostile or explosive, I'm just incredibly awkward.
It's not just that, of course. I find myself worrying about taking my dog outside (she barks and lunges at other dogs, not aggressive but frustrated), because I'm so embarrassed by her behavior and my inability to correct it. I worry consistently about being on time to places, or if I'm on lunch being back in 30 minutes on the dot. Then I worry about things I do at home; like I love to write and draw, but I won't do it if my fiance is home. I worry he'll laugh at what I'm doing, especially because I don't have a ton of confidence in it half the time. Sometimes I feel absolutely ridiculous about feeling this way, but I can't help it. My fiance doesn't help either; he tells me I worry too much, I need to relax, or I should go get medicated. I was on Zoloft in my teens for depression and I hated it to the point I quit cold turkey and just dealt with the withdrawal.
I could go on and on about the things that make me anxious, but I won't in fear of boring all of you. The last thing I will mention is driving, and I'm really hoping someone can help me overcome it. In December we were in a rather nasty accident. This lady turned in front of us in an intersection, and my fiance couldn't stop in time (we were going the speed limit, about 45 mph), so the vehicles collided head on. It was our compact car vs. a GMC farm truck. I ended up fracturing my jaw and sternum, and had to stay several days in the hospital to monitor for internal bleeding. The car was totaled, and most of our possessions inside of it were destroyed. They had to cut me out of the car it was so crumpled. Now whenever I get in a car I panic, even if I'm driving. The other day I had to pull over and take a deep breath because this guy cut me off and slammed on his brakes, causing me to nearly collide. Thankfully my car stopped in time.
Anyways, I know I'm not the only one out here like this, but I hope everyone can share their methods of handling their anxiety.