"What DO you want?"

[jerri46]

Saw an old friend today and I was saying to her that I have been an anxious person so long that I have no idea what it would be like to be any other way and I am sick of it. 

She asked me how I DO want to be if I am not like I have been for the first 61 years of my life.

I was amazed to discover that I had no answer to her innocent question.  I guess I've had so much attention on what I didn't want to be that I forgot that I would still be something and that it might help to have some idea what that might be.

Is this common?  Do others here have a picture in their head of what it might feel like to not get tangled up with whatever particular form of anxiety they live with now?

If you do, what is it and did it just come to you, or did you seek it out or create it in some way>

thanks,

j

[wannabfree]

Hi Jerri, I think that your question is interesting. I suppose this is something unique and personal to us, but I think much of the answer lies in introspection.

You may not even know you already have an idea of what you want. It could be something buried beneath all the anxiety, there, just hidden from plain view. Perhaps you can examine what you say you don't want, and thus create the opposite. I know that for me, reading, turning inward and quietly examining my thought patterns and the way I deal with things, as well as going to a therapist, has really helped me solidify some of the things I have always wanted in my life, but for some reasons, I have blocked myself from achieving or pursuing.

Take care!

[Pan]

Saw an old friend today and I was saying to her that I have been an anxious person so long that I have no idea what it would be like to be any other way and I am sick of it. 

She asked me how I DO want to be if I am not like I have been for the first 61 years of my life.

I was amazed to discover that I had no answer to her innocent question.  I guess I've had so much attention on what I didn't want to be that I forgot that I would still be something and that it might help to have some idea what that might be.

Is this common?  Do others here have a picture in their head of what it might feel like to not get tangled up with whatever particular form of anxiety they live with now?




If you do, what is it and did it just come to you, or did you seek it out or create it in some way>

thanks,

j

The old phrase waiting for the great leap forwards springs to mind here.

I think we are all creatures of habit and once we settle in out little learned routines they become incredibly comfortable....these routines can be switching the kettle on as soon as you wake in the morning or living your life through learned and adapted responses for 60 odd years.

The strange this is that our little processes and learned responses may not actually be fulfilling our requirements in any shape or form but will still cling to them as we come to percieve them as our identity....to change these lifetime habits could well be seen as us denying out true nature and our identity could well be under threat, is it any surprise that we want to stay in our comfort zone.

Whenever we react to anything, be it an anxiety disorder or an internal or external stressor by using our learned patterns we, in effect, close ourselves off to all the other posibilities that may be open to us....you can even see how this closed off attitude means we never actually step outside of the bubble to think about what it is we actually want as opposed to carrying out actions that have always given us only one outcome and that can only ever give us one outcome....over time we start to believe that the outcome is what we want when in actual fact we are often foolinf ourselves.

It takes a brave person to put a lifetimes percieved wants behind them to then take the plunge and investigate what it is we actually both want and need from life....heck, I'm only 40 and it is only recently that I've realised that the last 20 years of my life would lead inevitably to my period of Health Anxiety....I never wanted it to happen but it all had the effect of making me feel a victim when in actual fact I was the maker of my own fate.

I think we have to realise that what want before has gone and should not necessarily mould our future....my aim now is to live every moment with regards to want I want to be and without reference to what I believe has led me to that point.

[NightOwl]

I don't really have goals.  I do know what it's like to feel great becuase I have had a lot of times without anxiety lately, but what I personally want is to be in a relationship where someone actually cares about me for "real", not just a lot of dishonesty going on.  That is really all I've ever wanted is to feel cared about in a relationship and have a family.  But really that is a problem becuase only having 1 goal like that makes it where the depression can't go away easily since there isn't much else for me to do that will make me happy.

[apple]

I want to live anxiety free.  I have worked hard finding the right man, trying to be the best Mom I can given my anxieties.  I have a great husband now, happy kids, a nice house, we have enough money to go around.  I know how I am when I feel well and have no anxiety.  I would love to live without it.  There is a med that makes this happen, but the side effect is a pregnant sized stomach and no sex drive...aughhh. Did that for over a year, couldnt live that way anymore.  So I live with the anxiety and panic.

My goal is unreachable....

[NightOwl]

I don't think it's unreachable.  Maybe you will find a way or maybe a new med will come out and be what you need.  It's always possible you will some day be able to feel how you want.

[Knightsaber]

I want to live anxiety free.  I have worked hard finding the right man, trying to be the best Mom I can given my anxieties.  I have a great husband now, happy kids, a nice house, we have enough money to go around.  I know how I am when I feel well and have no anxiety.  I would love to live without it.  There is a med that makes this happen, but the side effect is a pregnant sized stomach and no sex drive...aughhh. Did that for over a year, couldnt live that way anymore.  So I live with the anxiety and panic.

My goal is unreachable....

I want to be anxiety free.  I don't bother finding women anymore, so I'm -definitely- not looking for the right -man- either. :)  I would be a fine Mom if I was only female.  I defnitely do not have a husband, or kids, or a nice house or much money.  I sometimes feel well and have no anxiety, not often, but it happens.  I would love to live without it.  There are no meds that I've found that relieve mine for long term.  I uh, don't really need to worry about sex drive anymore, I'm not good looking enough to talk to women really.  I live with the anxiety and panic because I don't have much choice anymore.  I try and try.  I do find sometimes that humour works on things...and hopefully I managed that a little for Apple just now.

Toodles dearie!

[apple]

 

Knightsaber  you are a gem!!  You made me laugh and I really needed to!  But hun...you do have good qualities!!  Looks arent what makes people fall in love, its who we are.  I pray one day when you least expect it, some girl is going to find you irrisistable!!  You definately have a great sence of humor given your struggles.  I think of you often. 


I'm getting a physical on tueday and hope to ask the doctor about the sex thing.  Wednesday I see the specialist about my stomach and hope he can help my digestive system and bloating.  I want my risperdal again...if I can fix the 2 side effects, I could stay on the risperdal forever and live anxiety free.

I'm feeling a little more hopeful than the other day.  Cross my fingers!!