Yeah you're totally right. My mom is the worst for it. She struggles a lot with her anxiety and often blames it on me or my siblings, saying we're the ones making her anxious. My mom has always used guilt and fear to get us to do what she wants. My older sister fought back from day one, rebelled, got into all kinds of trouble, moved out young and got into drugs. My twin sister followed suit when we were fourteen. So, even though I was the one with the temper issue, I always made sure to be a good kid and do whatever my mom wanted. It wasn't until I was the only one left living with her that I started to take a stand, and still it wasn't much. But my mom spoke to my dad, said "she couldn't deal with me anymore" and I had to move in with him.
Now, my mom left my dad when I was three years old and moved us two provinces away. Besides spending a week over christmas, and staying for a month in the summer, I barely knew my dad. It wasn't until I moved in with him at sixteen that I really got to know him. I realized that I am so much more like him than like my mom, and since then we've developed a really strong relationship.
The funny thing is, that even though I've now really set boundaries with my mom (in the past six months), it's with her where I struggle with those feelings of guilt. After a lifetime of obligation and forced responsibility, it's hard to re-condition myself and to remember that I need to stand my ground and look out for me first. My dad is so genuine and understanding. He would never want to inspire guilt or negative feeling, so I don't generally feel that way. If I do, it's never intentional on his part. It could be something so simple as receiving a phone call from him and hearing him remind me that I am always welcome and that he would love if my boyfriend and I would come over for dinner more often.
I might have to check that program out. I've struggled with anxiety my whole life, but it's only now that it's causing some issues with my current relationship that I've decided to reach out for help. With other guys, I would just run away and blame the issues on a lack of compatibility. But with my boyfriend now, I know that I want us to work and I can honestly see a future with him, and I can see that it's my anxiety, my need for control, that's causing the majority of our fights. So I reached out to my doctor a couple of weeks ago and she prescribed a very low dose of escitalopram to help me get started on recovering. For a week I was almost completely anxiety free and it felt wonderful! Of course the dose is too low, so now that my body has adjusted, it's not enough anymore. And only now do I actually realize how much anxiety I carry with me every day! I only plan on taking medication for up to six months, just to help me get down the right path. I really need to look into methods that I can use on my own to combat this.