Hi Gailmarie- I think I have been going through something similar. I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Type 2 and GAD. I have a history of depression going back twenty or so years. I also am pretty sure that I've got SAD as a result of having the first 2. I have had to leave every job I have had for the last 3 years or so because of the "things going bad" at work. Bad panic/anxiety attacks, a few of them in front of management. All resulting in shameful resignation shortly after. I do well for a month or two before I feel it all going downhill. Had to leave work today or else I would have had one in front of coworkers, management, and the public. I barely made it to my car!
When I was in a long unemployment spell, I was broke, but I didn't have ANY attacks. Now that I am back to work, albeit part time, I've been averaging 2 to 3 a week. So far, I haven't melted down at work, but it seems to be the cycle in which I find myself in. And it's not even a serious job, it's part time at a supermarket deli. It's loud, bright and confusing. All things I should have avoided, but it was a job and I needed it. But now, I'm a nervous wreck again, I have no appetite, I'm distracted, unfocused, and I've started to screw up at work. It's happening AGAIN. If someone looks at me wrong, forget it. I'll be crying in the bathroom. I know I am not long for this job.
I'm glad I found this forum. I wish I had some advice to give you that would help. I was doing really well, too, was off all meds for a year and did fine. I never liked the meds anyway, tried Wellbutrin, Paxil, Zoloft, Lamictal, Celexa, Effexor, Trazadone, Seroquel, various combinations and dosages over the last twenty years, off and on, in addition to klonopin and xanax and a few other meds I can't remember now. Everything seems to stick me in mood-limbo, make me tired, or irritable, or gives me gastro upset, weight gain, libido issues, mood swings, name it. I am one giant side effect.
So if you don't mind, pass me an oar. It seems I'm in your boat.