Based on how you describe your behavior, you sound as if you suffer symptoms of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) where your mind fixates over an issue (like your health condition or having HIV) and repeats thinking about it over and over. Consequently OCD is also an anxiety disorder, and most people who have symptoms for it, put themselves on medications to manage it.
About Seroquel and Effexor. I think you were prescribed Seroquel because you have a hard time sleeping, since you wake up after only an hour after you go to bed. The Seroquel would assist in handling your insomnia. Do you know how many mg you are on?
The Effexor, which is a SNRI, is probably being used to treat the depressive disorder that you are in. Your doctor seems to focus more on you being chronically depressed, than having an uncontrollable anxiety disorder. Normally Effexor is prescribed for individuals who are in a deep catonic depression and just can't get out of it, likewise Effexor has been proven in cases where users experienced a reduction in their anxiety levels.
I take it you became depressed second, after you expeienced your panic attacks over time, first, and couldn't handle them.
The Effexor, if taken, should lift your mood up, over time. Remember as a general rule, it takes up to 3 to 12 weeks of an antidepressant to build up in your system. So don't expect instant relief.
I think the hardest part for you is to get over your own fears about medication. Suffering five years without treating your anxiety can only be hell. I sympathize with you since I also went through denial, before I became serious about medication and took it daily. However I think the experience with the past anxiety has becomes a motivator for you to start taking a medication route seriously.
I think you should at least stay on the medication and see how it goes. You already have a prescription. To get another prescription, without even trying this combination, you'll have to pay for another visit to the doctor, and waste the last visit.
Do know, for antidepressants, sometimes the first try may not work out, and you may make several attempts at finding one that fits your chemistry without any iritable side effects. However if you take the Effexor for two to three weeks and notice positive changes, then continue to work with your doctor, about staying at an appropriate dose.
It's true that a lot of psychiatrists may not have the greaterst social skills. They're really meant to advise you for health problems associated with your mental issues, and less so on developing their social skills, although it would helpful to find a doctor that is knowledgeable and makes you feel comfortable. You can always search for another one, based on referrals from either your insurance, calling around and interviewing the psychiatrist on the phone, or asking another person with an anxiety disorder who they see for a doctor, and you can find these people through an anxiety support group on meetup.com. A therapist, on the other hand, would be more likable and try to work with your mind and shift your thinking to change how you've been reacting to things.
You should look into CBT (if your insurance can afford it) in order to deal with the mental fears you have about your health. I think that would do a lot of good about reducing your fears about your health, in conjunction with the medication.
Now - are you on the right medication combo with Seroquel and Effexor? To be honest no one on this forum is a doctor, and likewise we can only offer experience on using medication to help each other. So we couldn't say Yes or No.
I can say that Effexor is probably not the first type of drug to recommend for for an anxiety disorder. However it seems from your intake interview, your doctor picked up more on the symptoms of deep depression, instead of anxiety. Effexor can have side effects like gaining weight or serious withdrawel symptoms for getting off. Normally SRIs and Benzophanines are used for an anxiety disorder, instead of a SNRI.
But these comments may just scare you, and activate more of your anxiety. I think it's a smart move that you went to a psychiatrist for medication help, because it's very diffucult to manage uncontrollable anxiety with sheer will power. I also think you should focus on the benefits of anxiety medication, and research all the positive encounters from people who have been on medication. Really avoid people who speak negatively of it, since it will affect your thoughts as you take it.
So just see how this med combination goes after two to three weeks. If it doesn't work out, then you can change medicines, or even find another doctor, in order to find the right medication combination to manage your health disorder.