I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My anxiety centers around "how to live life" the "right" way. I have huge issues trusting myself and my decisions. I have been obsessively reading books about different philosophies of life and religions, trying to figure out "the right way to live", meaning to live a life that creates good and where I am safe and healthy. I am a mom of one teenaged boy who is an Aspie. My husband is very, very supportive, he is my rock.
Life feels so overwhelming and complicated to me, and I am overwhelmed by complexity and by the responsibility of making decisions. Especially big decisions like what is true when there are competing points of view.
My anxiety is worst in the morning when I first wake up and I take a long time to get out of bed because I am trying to calm myself down. It kind of feels like I can't think straight first thing in the morning. Then it comes and goes throughout the day. I'm a stay at home mom. Before this breakdown, I became involved in a career that doesn't feel like it fits me anymore, and reminds me too much of my mother, whom I do not want to be anything like. Right before the breakdown (which started 10 days ago), I was working almost non-stop in that job, ignoring my family, not taking care of our house, growing apart from my husband, and almost had an affair, which is extremely unlike me and causes me great shame.
I find myself looking for a pre-packaged program on "how to live life" that I can trust, like a religion. Except that I have trouble believing a lot of the unprovable stuff that religions say.
I was started on Prozac 20 mg and Buspirone 5 mg twice daily, yesterday. One thing that does help me is mindfulness. But it doesn't answer my questions about "how to live", which is the cause of my anxiety, I feel like. I do have a therapist, with whom I now have some trust issues because I was still seeing her when I worked way too much and became like my mom, and she didn't "catch" it. So that scares me.
Anyway, that's pretty much the whole story. I am hopeful that once the meds kick in my head will clear. Taking it one day at a time right now. Trying to move through the day not knowing how to live but just doing housework. Thanks for listening. I hope someone can relate.