I just joined the site today and thought I'd share a little about my experience so far. I apologize in advance for the length of this post.
I can recall experiencing anxiety throughout many periods of my life, since I was a child. My mom used to spend a lot of time away from me and my siblings, working and then staying out until the early hours of the morning drinking and partying. As young as five years old I remember being unable to sleep and wandering from room to room, making sure that my sisters were okay and sleeping, checking to see if mom had come home yet. I would crawl in her bed and have broken, fitful sleep until she came home.
There have been many other occasions, such as when I was 10 and my cat didn't come home, and I was shaking so badly and my stomach hurt so much that I couldn't sleep. That was the first time that my mom explained anxiety to me. It runs in the family and is something that many of us deal with. I guess because of that I thought that this was normal and never looked into any forms of support or treatment.
Things have gotten a lot worse in the past couple years, especially with regards to work and relationships. I only have a couple of really close friends and stayed out of any long-term romantic relationships for almost three years because I have so much trouble placing trust in anyone. I am always worried that people (especially those who are close to me, including family) will betray me. Now I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months, my first serious relationship in a long time. I care about him so much and he's never done anything for me to feel that I can't trust him. But I am constantly worried that he's going to cheat. Even seeing him using his cell phone, or if he comes home (we live together) later from work and I haven't heard from him, or if he wants to go out with his friends, it all makes my hands and legs shake uncontrollably and my stomach gets so upset. My thoughts start spiraling down from bad to worse and then worse yet. I work myself into a frenzy and then I respond with anger and frustration, most of the time over absolutely nothing.
A few months ago I was offered a promotion at work. It's a position that I've wanted for over a year. It took me two weeks to make a decision. I was so afraid that I would fail, or make a bad impression of myself, or not be capable of the role. I would work myself into tearful fits. It got to the point that I was so afraid to go to work because I thought I was being judged negatively for having not made a decision yet. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I felt like I had no energy at all. I ended up accepting, and I love my new role. But I still often worry that I'm not good enough, that I'm going to be let go, that my colleagues are judging me. It makes me feel sick, and sometimes I need to go to the bathroom and cry to let it all out.
A week ago my doctor prescribed me with Cipralex, 5mg to start. I have a follow up with her next week to see how things are going and probably up the dose to 10mg. I have experienced some minor side effects, but mostly I just feel generally pleasant. I still feel the anxiety but it's like it's under a blanket, or muffled somehow, so I haven't been spiraling.
Is/has anyone going/gone through similar experiences? Any comments/advice/opinions are totally welcome. Thanks!