I have been on such an emotional HA roller coaster ride these past few months. First let's start out with my Trigs. Some of you read a long time ago that I had bloodwork done in January and my Triglycerides were 197. So, I freaked out and changed my diet.I had my bloodwork repeated on Monday and my Trigs came down to 87. So I was very happy about that.
I did drop weight. Some of you have seen me post about my weight loss and me freaking out over it. I lost 20 pounds in 6 months. Some due to diet change, but unfortunately I started having diarrhea in March and that made me lose weight pretty quickly.
I ended up having a Endo/Colonoscopy and found I had errosions on my esophogus(Most like caused by taking my iron, 3 a day with Vitamin C for three years) and Mild Microscopic Colitis. My weight has been steady at 122 since June. The Prilosec seeemed to be helping.
Unfortunaltely on Sunday I started getting an upset stomach. And I lost 2 pounds. That put me in such a frenzy that yesterday, I had a breakdown. My husband had to come home from work, and he thought I had oversdosed on medication because I was talking all crazy through text messaging. He immediately called my Psych Dr and put a call into my GI Dr. I had myself detached from the world, and just said that I was dying and it was just a matter of when.
GI Dr called my husband. Said I have the errosion so to take another Prilosec at night. Of course, this did not make me happy sicne I am iron deficient, and I know it can inhibit iron absorbtion. And right now I am on a low dose iron pill as it is. But I wanted this upset stomach to go away. My husband told him that I am convinced I have cancer. He says I do not. My husband asked him if he could order a CT Scan, and he said he could, but felt that would be overkill. But my husband tol him he thingks I needed it to put this to bed. So he ordered one. It is going to be done with oral contrast and with IV dye. This will be done on Friday.
My Psych Dr was very worried. She is seeing me on Friday as well. Right now, I am only on Ativan, as I was being weaned off another benzo. She is going to talk to me about meds on Friday.
The thing is. I always feel alone, or that I am battling this alone. And my husband and I spoke. He told me he loved me with all of his heart, and he would be there to advocate for me. And that I am NOT alone in this. That I have to believe that I am not alone. And that for some reason, I feel like I deserve to have something bad to happen to me. He had to convince me that he is there for me, and he will always be with me. Now that he has said this, and I can believe him, I do not feel so alone any longer. He came home yesterday and took charge.
When my stomach acts up, I get into a very deep depression. I have bad PTSD from past medical dealings with my stomach. And with weight loss, I immediately go to cancer.
All of my labs have been perfect. But no matter what they have/had checked I feel like they have missed something. I know that most people like us will have a CT Scan, and ask is this going to be it? Or are you going to still think you have cancer and push for yet another test. ? For me, this is it. I will not push for any testing. Actually, I did not even want this one. My husband pushed for it because he thinks that if I continue to not feel well, and I continue to drop weight, I am going to wish I had it done.
So, I have had the IVP scan before. I hate it. Makes you feel like you are going to pee on the table. And I feel like they are going to find an "incedental finding". So I am a little scared. I am hoping my Dr will have results on Friday. I don't want to go the whole weekend not knowing, even though my GI Dr says he expects they will find nothing. Last time that happened they found a mass on my kidney, and I thought I had kidney cancer, then had to wait 3 weeks for IVP Scan, and it turned out to be accessory spleen.
If you could think good thoughts for me I would appreciate it.