This is so hard to put pen to paper about this issue because I never am able to remember all the things wrong with my relationship with my best friend when I try to tell someone about it but I will give it a good go.
So I used to smoke weed, a lot, and I had 'stoner friends', I got into a relationship with this guy and lost most of these friends because he didnt want to know them and I didnt keep up with them, I also quit smoking so lost the remaining friends that way. Except mel, who quit with me, but shes a lesbian and her lesbian ex gf is super controlling and now they are sort of best friends, except amanda treats mel like crap but for some reason the good points outweigh the bad, that plus her working night shift means that I rarely get to see her and if I do amanda makes it very difficult for it to be a prolonged period of time, mel also only has me and amanda.
I also have Karina, my mums employee whos my age who I met through her business, but Karina isnt like me, we get along just great but she has different values and hangs around with people who arent my type at all, plus she just moved in with her bf and they live far away now.
So that leaves me with just louise. I have known her since school, since we were about 14 and im 25 now so thats 11 years. But for several years now she has treated me awfully, I would say for the last 4 years. When I broke up with my nasty ex, I thought she was there for me when I had no one else, but I did notice things along the way. I would be crying (it was a messy long and drawn out break up) and I would see her loving it, smirking at me, and every now and then she would drop in digs at me, backhanded compliments and such. She said my relationship was 'like a dying dog - you've just got to shoot in the head'.
My confidence and self esteem was at an all time low and I had convinced myself I would be a spinster forever dying a very lonely bitter old lady and I thought I was ugly and no one would ever look at me again and all she would be interested in was telling me how eventually I will be like her, and be confident and not need a man, but I noticed she isnt confident at all, since she fakes all her pictures to look skinny and flirting with a zillion boys online for compliments - baring in mind shes about 350lbs - which I think photoshopping herself to be skinny is a serious lie. But anyways the point of that was that she flaunted this fake confidence over me making herself seem superior and like she has her whole life sorted at any opportunity possible.
Because I was so crushed and put down I really took a backseat in making decisions about things, I didnt want to make decisions, I wanted to cry and be broken until I was fixed, this I think eventually lead her to believe she was the alphadog and she really started acting like it.
Eventually she also stopped ever coming round my house even when it just made plain sense to, instead preferring to stay at her home all the time - I wouldnt mind but its super messy and always has her parents hanging around so we cant watch tv and even though my house is empty and we can do what we want she wont come over. And on the few times she does come over she just goes on her ipad and ignores me all evening, even when im talking to her, she just grunts or completely blanks me, actually thinking about it she often does that at her house too.
When she did come round my house I would cook us both dinner- like really lavish meals - because I was learning to cook and she would just wait in the living room until dinner was served instead of joining me in the kitchen for a chat, she never engages in a discussion anymore - unless - which is rare - she starts it, if i ask her an open question for example 'I wonder if actresses watch themselves on tv' instead of at least speculating and saying 'I dunno maybe, depends on the actor' she'll just say 'dunno' then goes back to reading.
If I ask her for a favor she will either act like i'm asking her to shoot a kitten in the face, or she will get out of it somehow using the poorest of excuses sometimes, even though I helped her paint her whole house. Even small favors get this response.
Her tone of voice she uses on me sometimes is digusting, she often makes me feel like I am just a nuisance to her.
At one point she started just telling me that I was going to do something with her without asking. For example 'you're coming shopping with me this weekend', and about three times she booked gig tickets without asking - once to a band I dont even like - and then demanded the money. I mean I paid up because I did want to go to the gig, but to be asked would be nice. Especially since shes spending my money.
Shes lazy and wont do anything involving walking, and several times on holidays shes just gone to bed in the early afternoon for a nap and left me on my own, causing us to waste most of our holiday in bed.
She breathes smoke in my face even though I quit smoking because of my fear of cancer. Shes also horrible about my mum all the time.
She pushes infront of me in queues, even though it doesnt make a difference she always has to be the first one - the first to get dinner, the first to use the toilet, to checkout in a shop etc. If we go out shopping we go where she wants and if I suggest anywhere to go she makes it sound like im being difficult. Generally anything she wants or needs is top priority and my needs bottom priority. She once stole food off my plate because I had the bigger steak she switched them when i looked away - they were my steaks btw- I cooked and paid for them.
Ive helped her out with money and all sorts and even bought her cigarettes when she had no money, paid for her meal when she had no money so we can both go out and have fun, yet she wont let me borrow 20p without saying dont worry about it. She promises to make it up to me and the day never comes.
She makes herself a cuppa tea when im a guest in her house and doesnt offer one, where as I always do her a cup of tea too.
Anyways this could go on forever. Because this is only the start of it, I havent even touched the tip of the iceberg.
Beyond all of this though, we have a strong foundation of friendship, our sense of humors and perfectly honed to fit with each other over the years - in jokes and jokes that come from tv we watch, we love the same music, books and tv, we love the same comedians, we have the same opinons about other people - when looking at something or someone from a moral standpoint we always agree. When we have a laugh together its great. We have the same taste in clothes and decor sense, the same taste in men. We both love animals, I LOVE her dog, like me and her dog are such good friends and I would miss her dog sorely. When we discuss all our similar tastes its great because we agree and can practically read each others minds, its a strong connection.
I have brought all these problems up twice now, and for a while she stops doing all the nasty stuff but after about 2 or 3 months it just goes back to the way it was. Im reaching the point where I dont know what to do anymore. I have told her I dont like being treated this way because it makes me feel worthless and with my anxiety I need good, dependable friends, I have also tried reasserting my dominant character but nothing has worked. Im getting nowhere and I am left feeling like shes not a good friend and consequently like I have no friends. It bums me out, but thinking about having no one also bums me out hard.
I have no idea how to go on from here, being in this relationship is destructive at times and other times just plain difficult, but is being friendless more difficult? I dont know how to start again, I dont have any leads towards other friends (believe me!)
Thanks for listening, any advice would be appreciated!