During my big flareup last month I completely stopped planning my wedding.....not because I thought not finishing would keep me alive, but because I was terrified that I'd set a date and pay for services and then not be there to use them.
And I was having trouble with....not with superstitions so much, but with worrying that minute everyday things I might be doing could have an effect on whatever disease I was afraid of. For instance, my HA has been mostly controlled for years, but I had a serious flare last month when a my-age acquaintance died of endo C and I realized I hadn't been to the girly doctor in 4 years. In the 6 weeks I waited for my appointment, I was worried that too much exercise, too little exercise, tight pants, wrong foods, and goodness knows what else could make all the difference in whether or not I was going to die, if I did in fact have a disease.
And now, because of this 0213#$%#0213% board, I had that N. Fowleri stuff fresh in my memory. So after my girly appointment I was doing great, objectively happy, but waiting for all the physical and hormonal anxiety stuff to leave my system....and I breathed shower water up my nose. Now, logically, I know that my chances of winning a lottery are better, but I'm walking around in fear that (if there was an exposure) I'm going to make the thing reach its meal by: blowing my nose, not blowing my nose, sleeping on my back, sleeping on my side, sleeping laying down at all, rubbing my face, clearing my sinuses, taking a deep breath......etc. It's ridiculous, and I know it's ridiculous. So I remind myself that it's ridiculous and go about my business. But it's hard.