Accepting the Diagnosis.............

[Pan]

.............is really the key to breaking out of the Health Anxiety trap!

I haven't been on this forum for a huge amount of time but one thing you see time and time again from the worried and concerned new members is the doubt they have that these new and alien sensations are not indicative of a serious undetected ailment.

The following is an extract from a post I once read about why we CHOOSE not to accept the diagnosis and why we allow ourselves to get caught up in illogical and highly frustrating trap.  This post was the catalyst for me and the starting point for me on the road to recovery....after reading this I realised that it was not assurance from others that would release me but rather it was accepting and moving on that would do it.

I hope it helps others:


Why do we not accept the diagosis? Simply put, we choose not to.

18 months ago, 12 months ago...heck, even six months ago I would have simply written off this very notion and laughed at the author. Ludicrous - it can't be that simple. But, I for one can now look into the mirror and definitively conclude that much of the "suffering" I endured for the past 30 months was a function of my own perceptions of my bodily "symptoms" and how I chose to react to them.

Did I bring on my initial twitching and other "abnormal" sensations and symptoms? Strictly interpreted - NO (although one could make a strong argument that the life I was choosing to lead and the motivations I chose to adhere to for my actions were causing a stress imbalance that made this inevitable, but that is a different discussion for a different day). But once my mind and psyche went first to Google and then down an endless road of reassurance-seeking to "prove" that this was NOT me I had read about (i.e.: dying from a deadly disease), the rest of the story very much WAS of my doing.

Frankly, I give myself a lot of credit for the will and sensibility to seek out a trained neurologist (of course, something I knew NOTHING about previously) and find the thorough check-up I needed to see what, if anything, was wrong. We all seem to do that just fine. But as far as the remaining 6 neuro visits, endless EMG's, countless hours spent spoiling precious days and nights with worry (Christmas 2005- I will never get you back), limitless "investigations" for a self-diagnosis on the internet, and countless theories on why my meds were screwing me up, how this couldn't be all in my head, why doctors never take the necessary time to REALLY LISTEN TO ME, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. -- THAT WAS ALL OF MY CHOOSING, AND REALLY WHERE I DIDN'T ALLOW MYSELF TO ACCEPT ANY DIAGNOSIS - at least the benign ones.

That is the simple truth - and those who truly "heal" from this thing all share the same common story and characteristics:

Thorough workup (sometimes EMG, MRI sometimes not, depending on the person)

Benign diagnosis

Acceptance

Willingness to allow the body to continue doing "strange things" without getting ensnared in the "why" and "what"

Healing


How people get on that road varies - some need medications, some therapy. Others just a good old look within and some guidance from this place but get on that road and the rest works out fine. I can tell you from the "other side", you KNOW true healing and moving on when you feel it - I even think this stuff gives you a greater propensity to live, truly live, when you realize how powerful and wonderful the human spirit and will is. To the sufferer this all sounds fluffy and "not me" - trust me, I know. But unlike a pill, or chemo, this IS the cure for Health Anxiety, as much as one exists, because the underlying "disorder" is perpetuated by the mind, the chemical reactions it triggers, and the body's reactions to the signals the mind is sending. Plain and simple.

People on here have complained from time to time about why medical science has not written more on this or studied it. I can somewhat sympathize - it would be interesting, and perhaps useful, to know why certain bodies and the nerve gateways within them seem to "breakdown" under oxidative stress, causing us to twitch, tweak, get weak, etc. But I don't think much is forthcoming there, because medical science KNOWS that whatever the triggers, the outcomes are comfortably known. In and of itself, this syndrome is benign. However, when the mind intervenes, and the cycle described above and in countless other posts on here by hundreds of authors feeds upon itself, then medical science has already been thoroughly published on the outcomes - it is called somatic and/or conversion disorder - it features real and widely varied "symptoms", and it can be every bit as troubling and hard to treat as a difficult cancer or another "major" illness.

For me, I now am piecing together the understanding, through outstanding therapy and a combination of medications that really really work (my GOD how different I feel - I SMILE MOST OF THE TIME!!!), that my predisposition to view myself as unwell and "destined" to suffer and die early from a terrible disease is rooted in things that go way back and behaviours that have been learned over a lifetime. Fuzzy hoo hah nonsense - hardly. Understanding yourself, how you react and respond to things, including your own body's signals, is so vitally important to "curing" yourself of this. Otherwise, you are at the mercy, fully, of whether your body chooses to be "normal" for a period of time. I have seen so many, myself included, on here say "...I was doing so well for a while, and then this new stuff came up and now I'm freaking out all over again..." You can search on my posts - that was me and I KNOW it is MANY of you too. That is NO BASIS for recovery, and is probably the mindset that threw us into Googling TWITCHING (for God's sake of all things) into the first place. That is not MND/ALS, not MS, not BS - it is behavioural, it is psychological, and it is TREATABLE, and well within your grasp.

So - long story long - the answer to your simple question is simple itself. CHOOSE TO VIEW YOURSELF AS WELL. You had your tests, you had your workup - your doctor is unconcerned, and so too should you be. Let it go. It is a choice that only lies within you, and I can tell you first hand - 7 EMGs or MRI’s will NOT give that to you. You will never find a doctor thorough and careful enough to give that to you. If you are predisposed to feel destined to suffer, you will always find "flaws" in the examination, the tests, heck, even the logic itself. Not too long ago a poster on here who shall remain nameless was expressing disappointment in how the board had become - there were no longer discussions of statistics, and the remote possibilities that could be causes, or one-off cases that defied the odds. Imagine that, my friends. Not enough focus on the dying or the possibilities thereof...too much focus on the comfort, support, and infinite probabilities of health and well being. For fear of being too simplistic, it simply boils down to that - you are 99.9998% likely well relative to these symptoms, and .0002% likely to have a poor outcome coming (PLEASE don't start picking apart those numbers...they are MADE UP...I can see it coming now). YOU CHOOSE whether your focus is on the 99.9998% part, and if it is, you will get past this. Until it is, you will always leave the neuro wondering "what if" and "please just help me get past this one problem, so I can feel NORMAL again", and the months will dribble by with no improvement.

I used to define recovery by when, and IF, I was ever going to stop twitching and having all these other wacky sensations. Now, I simply don't care about that answer. The twitching, and the other host of things that can accompany it, does NOT define me, nor in ANY WAY dictate my wellness. That much has been proven by the literature, countless doctors and too many EMG's. Until I stopped linking the two - twitching to wellness (or lack thereof) - I had NO hope of overcoming this thing. Now that I realize, and take to heart, that I am well, and that I have nothing but living to worry about, true healing is setting in by the day.

Today, I rode to and from work with the radio off. HUGELY significant for me. It was not long ago that I needed to stuff my mind FULL of noise, distractions, etc. to push out the fears, concerns, and endless focusing on my body that would be the "default" source of what filled my noisy head constantly. Today, I could just allow my mind to wander freely, peacefully, through the drive - the farms and fields along the way, as well as what I wanted to accomplish today, how nice it was to just lift my daughter out of her crib this morning, what I wanted to do for Fathers Day and even a little reflection on God and the gifts I've been blessed with. Remarkable to me - how long it had been, and how wasteful it felt, to have missed out on this type of living, and mental freedom, simply because I was predisposed to feel unwell, and spent a long while -- maybe a lifetime -- trying to "block" those feelings out of me with distractions, noise and of course anxiety.

This Health Anxiety is powerful stuff, no doubt. WE ARE STRONGER. The human spirit, will and desire to live, outweighs the fear by miles except in the most serious of cases (mental illnesses). I watch the likes of Maz, Nikki, AB12 and the countless others who are submersed in this struggle now and I just ache to reach out and touch them with what I can see now, as I KNOW how close they all are to moving past this and the power to do it is ABSOLUTELY within each of us. It took me close to 30 months, and that is somewhat regrettable. But I made it, I will not give it up at any cost, and I see a life filled with nothing but richness, hope and WELLNESS for myself, and all of us on here.

If anyone reading this who is struggling is a dad, and wants to give themselves a gift for Fathers' day, just simply commit on Saturday night that you WILL NOT think about or dwell on this stuff on Sunday...for just one day. Monday? Knock yourself out, but for one day on Sunday, "...no matter what my body does, I'm not, under any circumstances, going to care or think about it..." See what happens. What do you have to lose?? And for the moms (or anyone else for that matter), commit to the same thing as a gift to dad. Just one, short day. And stick to it, even if your knee is buzzing like a bee or your tongue is twitching so bad you can't lick a lollipop...WHO CARES. FOR ONE SPECIAL DAY - FATHERS' DAY - it simply doesn't matter. And see what happens.

If you make that commitment, and stick to it without exception, you will just have gotten 24 hours of valuable practice on the rest of your glorious life. And who knows - that just might be enough to spark something inside of you that will make you crave more of that feeling...want it like nothing else. I don't think I need to fill in the ending.

Last Fathers' day, I was miserable, and worried. I put on a good face, but I wasn't really "there" for my family in a meaningful way. I can never get that back. Now looking back, it seems senseless, though all of us recognize why and how someone can get there. I am simply asking all of you not to give up that one day. To practice taking control over things with one 24 hour period. You will find it glorious, worthwhile, and humbling...humbling how much we have been given, and how precious it is. I, for one, can't WAIT for Sunday, but am damn glad Saturday is wedged in between there because I'm going to enjoy the heck out of that too.

If there is anything that could make those 30 months worth it for me, it would be the thought that these experiences, and shared lessons, will help you avoid the same "duration to recovery".

You are well - choose to be, live life that way, and enjoy each day.

[wrdsilly]

pan,  wow, you should write a book, you have really captured the essence that our health anxiety is something we chose, and though it can feel very real at the time, may be something we are using to hide other things in our lives.

wrdsilly

[Pan]

pan,  wow, you should write a book, you have really captured the essence that our health anxiety is something we chose, and though it can feel very real at the time, may be something we are using to hide other things in our lives.

wrdsilly

Yep, it is a cracking and insightful post.  Not written by me I must add though but I have taken on board many of the points the author has suggested.

[red]

Pan, that has just reduced me to tears! all good may i add 

Now, as i blow my nose and dry my eyes, i WILL make every effort possible to start again. I just got my CT scan results an hour ago and they were clear. I have to move on. 10 years i've been suffering and It can just go and Sod Off!!!!  Not interested in being scared anymore!

Visualisation is the great secret to success. Think yourself BETTER!!

Love Red x

[Paticake35]

Pan,
That was beautifully put.  Thank you..

[MJF]

Pan, this is really a nice post to read.  Thank you for finding it, and sharing it here.

I very much agree with what was written.  We are constantly waiting to feel better.  It is not a way to live life, because although we do put on a "brave face", we are never too far removed from our worries.  I do believe that the only way to get better is to accept the diagnosis fully.  To truly believe it deep down inside.

But...

symptoms (and a subsequent benign diagnosis) are never static.  I agree whole-heartedly that we should place more trust in our doctors.  But are most people with HA just focused on one disease?  If so, then truly accepting the normal/benign diagnosis would be a huge turning point.  But for people who go from disease to disease....how do we stop?  Can there ever be a definitive check-up for a person with HA?  A definitive diagnosis of wellness to accept?  For people with HA - do the symptoms always spur anxiety over a specific illness?  If so, then disconnecting that pathway - allowing yourself to experience the different sensations without getting "ensnared in the why or what" is a wonderful model for healing.  But what if it is the opposite - that the thought of a specific illness gives rise to panic and subsequently a set of sensations/symptoms that are then processed as disease-related?   In this case, how does healing begin?  Only with yet another test probably.   

Melissa

[Pan]

Pan, this is really a nice post to read.  Thank you for finding it, and sharing it here.

I very much agree with what was written.  We are constantly waiting to feel better.  It is not a way to live life, because although we do put on a "brave face", we are never too far removed from our worries.  I do believe that the only way to get better is to accept the diagnosis fully.  To truly believe it deep down inside.

But...

symptoms (and a subsequent benign diagnosis) are never static.  I agree whole-heartedly that we should place more trust in our doctors.  But are most people with HA just focused on one disease?  If so, then truly accepting the normal/benign diagnosis would be a huge turning point.  But for people who go from disease to disease....how do we stop?  Can there ever be a definitive check-up for a person with HA?  A definitive diagnosis of wellness to accept?  For people with HA - do the symptoms always spur anxiety over a specific illness?  If so, then disconnecting that pathway - allowing yourself to experience the different sensations without getting "ensnared in the why or what" is a wonderful model for healing.  But what if it is the opposite - that the thought of a specific illness gives rise to panic and subsequently a set of sensations/symptoms that are then processed as disease-related?   In this case, how does healing begin?  Only with yet another test probably.   

Melissa

An interesting point....bit like a chicken or the egg scenario.

Obviously I can only comment on what Health Anxiety was (and still is to a much less extent) to me.  I accepted the diagnosis after realising that the more information I gathered about the disease I feared then the worse my symptoms became.  My problems all began after an unrelated health scare and these sensations started as I had overly stressed my CNS and I was basically feeling the physical effects of anxiety...in short, I was burned out.

I had never feared MS or ALS until I Googled and realised that all these new sensations 'could' be something more than 'just anxiety'.  I know that many people do change their disease fixation but for me it was just really neurologically based.  Interestingly, it is know widley recognized by GP's that it is common for people who have burnt out their CNS to fixate upon MS and ALS as the sensations are very similar...when this is coupled with the reasons why the CNS may have been stressed in the first place then you have a potent mix.

From my experience I think that a good number of HA sufferers do worry about a specific disease and once this worry is treated a recovery is made....of course, I know there are a good number of people who have a health anxiety per se and who will always be concerned that they have a hidden undiagnosed illness.

When I present my opinions on here I can only do it from my own perspective.  This time last year I was fine and then in June I was a total mess...it is only now that things have improved.  When you read posts from people who where EXACTLY how I was it is very frustrating as the power that HA has over me gets less every day and it is shocking to be reminded of how bad it can be.

I only really post to attempt to waylay the fears of those people who fear a neurological nasty as this is my experience....I have no understanding of anxiety and its relation to IBS, cancer worries etc so would not think it practical to enter the debate, I just know that anxiety and the fear of a neurological condition often go hand in hand and I think it is important that anyone going through this fear understands this.

I suppose we all find our own path to recovery and what works for one will mean nothing to the next person.  As someone once very wisely commented 'this is my truth tell me yours'

[MJF]

Yes - it is a chicken or egg thing. 

For me, my HA usually comes about because of an illness that I have kept on the back-burner for a while.  So, my vcjd fears (for example) started not because I was experiencing symptoms, but because I had read about it ages ago and it seemed to be an appropriately awful disease, and there were so many victim stories described in detail, and I knew the list of early symptoms.  From there, it was easy one day to take a handful of symptoms and determine that I have vcjd.  I have another disease in the back of my mind (lung cancer) that is slowly brewing (I sadly know this already).  These are not random, I did live in the UK and I did (briefly, 12 years ago) smoke.   

I know I sound a bit crazy, but my HA is an obsessive, methodical and consistent entity in my life.  I search for a way to heal, but I seem to only be able to heal within a certain disease (i.e. I go to the doctor and get tested).   I guess this is what I was trying to address with my previous reply.  For some people, there is always another disease waiting. 

I certainly think, as you do, that there are many forms of HA, and the decoupling of panic sensations from disease is a wondeful path to recovery for many types of HA.   I had to do this myself (and I am still learning) - treating my panic symptoms as something that just happen from time to time (like monthly cramps or muscle aches) did wonders for me.  Which is why your post today is so important, I hope many people take it to heart. 

Melissa

[wannabfree]

I think this is a great post! Thank you for finding it and sharing it with us!

Yes - it is a chicken or egg thing. 

For me, my HA usually comes about because of an illness that I have kept on the back-burner for a while.  So, my vcjd fears (for example) started not because I was experiencing symptoms, but because I had read about it ages ago and it seemed to be an appropriately awful disease, and there were so many victim stories described in detail, and I knew the list of early symptoms.  From there, it was easy one day to take a handful of symptoms and determine that I have vcjd.  I have another disease in the back of my mind (lung cancer) that is slowly brewing (I sadly know this already).  These are not random, I did live in the UK and I did (briefly, 12 years ago) smoke.  

I know I sound a bit crazy, but my HA is an obsessive, methodical and consistent entity in my life.  I search for a way to heal, but I seem to only be able to heal within a certain disease (i.e. I go to the doctor and get tested).   I guess this is what I was trying to address with my previous reply.  For some people, there is always another disease waiting. 

This sounds very similar to the way my HA has manifested itself in my life. I would have my main fixation, and somehow I would get over it, somehow convinced I no longer had this disease/condition/illness, and then I would take one of two paths: 1) I would have a duration of time (short--weeks or “long”-months) that was peaceful until I found something else to worry about (either HA or just in life); 2) I would have the backburner things, one or more, that would take the place of the first initial fixation—kind of like, if it’s not this illness, than it’s that illness. It was like my mind subconsciously had a file cabinet of illnesses and worries to rifle through whenever I was really stressed out or felt out of sorts. Both paths lead me to the same place, and that is consumed with health anxiety.

I don’t know if this helps others that hop from one disease to another, but one thing that I have found to be helpful is recognizing a pattern. Having had anxiety for 29 of my 33 years, and having HA for the past 5 or 6 years (though I didn’t realize I fixated on health until 3 yrs ago, and even then, I didn’t seek help for HA until the last year), I recognize that I have thought patterns that lead me to all-consuming HA. Also having GAD, I have found it seemingly impossible to relax or to not worry over something. I always had to have something. Whenever I feel really better, feel the freedom of not being anxious or fixated on something, and I recognize that feeling, I almost always relapse. Sometimes I think I even have different illnesses or things in my mind to fall back on for when I feel good. The low amount of anxiety is just enough to create some type of sensation and that may be all I need to convince myself I have something horrible lurking in my body and to get back into the HA loop. Having a backburner illness may suggest that you are not allowing yourself to rest as well. It’s like we have this drive to worry, and it takes prevalence in part of our daily lives. I have found that the deeper I got into the HA loop, the more difficult my fixations. I would worry about things that would cost thousands of dollars to test for, if there was even a test for it. Or some of the illnesses would be difficult to detect and usually never treatable. It was like somehow I would try to keep myself not rested, I needed to be on the brink of disaster. It has remained a struggle to not fall back into the loop. When I encounter something that is stressful in my life, either good or bad, as I have recently, my first inclination is to fall back into the loop. My first inclination is to interpret any bodily sensation as a symptom of something horrible and fatal. And of course, the more mind we pay to a sensation, the stronger it becomes. If we don’t pay attention to the sensations, they lose their power and severity.

If we recognized our thought patterns, if we recognized that we may go from disease to disease, especially if we have a lot of erroneous or overwhelming information floating around in our heads, we may recognized that we are not going to necessarily have this disease or that illness, but that whenever we encounter our sensations, they are anxiety. For many of us, this is a way we have lived our lives for years, so though it’s possible to recover, it will just take time. I think that time and effort, as well as forgiving yourself for any relapses, are steps toward recovery. For those of us to go from disease to disease, some of which are not even related to one another or one bodily system, it could help us realize it’s anxiety if we recognize how we get to this place in the first place. In a way, remembering my thought pattern, how I work and remembering similar patterns from my more recent HA experience has helped me from falling back into the depths of HA in the past two weeks. It’s been a struggle, and I am not always positive, but I am definitely consciously choosing to follow a different path than I usually follow, instead of allowing it to completely consume me. I like the idea of equating our anxiety sensations to the same annoying sensations like muscle aches and monthly cramps, because we don’t worry over these. We take them for granted as part of our makeup and they feel normal. I think that for those of us who have HA, to remember that anxiety creates so many sensations and to accept that as normal for anxiety, this would help us view our bodies with less fear and more acceptance.

[MJF]

Sometimes I think I even have different illnesses or things in my mind to fall back on for when I feel good. The low amount of anxiety is just enough to create some type of sensation and that may be all I need to convince myself I have something horrible lurking in my body and to get back into the HA loop. Having a backburner illness may suggest that you are not allowing yourself to rest as well.

I think you have written something so ineresting here.  Even though we all want to be happy and free from HA, maybe there is some comfort in having these worries all lined up?   Pan once wisely said that it is about control - maybe without a file cabinet of diseases in the back of our minds we do not feel in control?  I typically have the same experience as you describe - if I am happy and carefree and relaxed, it is almost inevitable that I will find something to worry about, to check the happiness. 

[Pan]

The whole issue of control is a thorny subject.  We can choose to either administer control in choosing to be well or conversely we can also administer control by choosing to be unwell….either way we are left with the false belief that we control and govern our destiny.

I know when I was in the grip of Health Anxiety that I readily grasped the unwell label and refused to let it go at all costs…if someone said I appeared well I would take that as an insult and actively look for ‘symptoms’ to prove to myself that I was not well and therefore ‘excused’ from life for this period of time.

What is a paradox is that choosing to be well or unwell both give you the same desired result…that is the idea that we are exerting control on our world.  It is obvious that one scenario is more preferable than the other but for some reason many of us HA sufferers all too readily choose the later option….there must be a reason for this.

I’m sure in my case it was wanting to avoid responsibility and in many ways also culpability for the actions and choices that I had taken that had led me to where I was at that time....HA was to become, as paradoxical ai it seems, my comfort blanket.  When the HA struck I was not in a good place and the OBSESSION of Health Anxiety almost gave me a reason to exist….visiting forums and comparing symptoms and researching my illness almost came to define my place in the world….heck, I was sick and I was being really good and proactive by fighting back…it is only with hindsight that instead of fighting back I can see I was ‘buying into’ the idea of illness and readily accepting all that it involved and that included very real sensations and symptoms that just kept on coming!

I would not suggest that this applies to everyone but it certainly helps me to make sense of my period of Health Anxiety.  There where untold problems in my life which had built up over a lengthy period and these eventually spilled out and manifested in the way they did……I mistook and overlooked the blindingly obvious and ultimately put my idea of ‘control’ in totally the wrong place, once this was realigned I moved forward in leaps and bounds.

[wannabfree]

I agree that much of this is about control, wanting to control life, maybe feeling out of control in other areas of life and focusing control on something like our health, our bodies, something of which we only have a limited amount of control. I mean there is only so much you can do to ensure optimal health, and after that, you have to just live on faith. Where's the control in that? When you want control, this seems so horrible.

I am not sure if I ever even consciously had things lined up to worry about, but I know looking back that it was there subconsciously. And I do think that somehow I subconsciously thought that by having a file cabinet up there was proactive and gave me a sense of false control. Now, it's like I have to remember that all of this is faulty thinking. This is all the same type of thought patterns, be it subconsciously or consciously, that has lead me to falling into the HA loop more than once, or even twice. Once one bout was over, I was so relieved and said this is the last time I do this to myself, but I really didn't put the work and effort I needed into changing some key things. Some of these things were in a comfort zone, even if they made me miserable, and I didn't want to face it. Again, this involves control in some way, because I felt out of control in other areas of my life, I lost control and tried to force control through HA. I am learning that no matter how pleasant some things are to deal with, it's better than false control thru HA.

I used to check my happiness forever, even before HA. This was something I've done such childhood, in one way or the other. I can't express how deflating this is. I remember becoming even more anxious after getting pregnant and having my children because I love them so much and felt so blessed to have them that I feared anything that could happen to them. I enjoyed their younger years immensely, but I wonder how much more fun I could have been with them if I learned then to give up some false control, gained real control, and changed my faulty thought patterns. I think many of us with reoccurring HA think that by giving up this false, "pseudo-proactive" control, we will somehow lower our defenses and get ill, and it will be too late and we will look back and say, "Omigosh, I was right all along. Everyone told me I was wrong, or nutty, and now look, it's too late. I could have done something. If only someone listened. It's all my fault! It's all their fault!" This is an example of the us trying to be in false control. And this kind of thinking creates a certain amount of distance. We are consumed with something so terrible, be it fear or not, that we have less energy for other things.

Everyone is different, but a lot of the hopping from one thing to another is about control, false vs real. We can control certain things, we can take care of ourselves, we can take care of our family, but after that, we need to let go. For me, I have to lock that file cabinet and not add anything else. I love your idea of thinking of your panic symptoms as something that just happens from time to time. I am going to take this analogy for my own life. I know that being anxious creates sensations, and sometimes my anxiety threshold will be lower than others, at times they may change, or the severity may different. It's a great analogy because the sensations are benign and should be considered benign.

[MJF]

I often feel that same way - I was constantly worried with my pregnancy, so much so that I did not enjoy it.  I guess the same can be said for many parts of my life.  I do not know how to mentally relax and let go, to really just live.   It is so deflating....And I agree with Pan - the belief that during periods of HA we are "excused from this period of life" is most certainly another way to control the situation and to dwell in our fears - to regress back to our comfort zones. 

I have also had GAD for many many years.  A while ago, I decided to own it, and treat it as if it were a chronic condition.  This was a huge turning point in my life.  Once I started to treat the panic as a physical thing, to where I could tell my husband and family "today I have panic" as easily as I could say " today I have a sore throat", it changed everything with respect to my GAD. 
It is strange to be able to treat this as if it were a separate topic, but GAD in the absence of HA seems to be quite different for me.
 

[sagelady1]

WOW Pan,

  I haven't been on the board much lately. Still working through my  "issues". ( won't elaborate, people can read my past posts). Anyway that's not important. I'm replying to your post, because as in many of your posts I find great insight. And this one says it all. You mentioned you were not the author, who was? Your post oozes john Sarno and TMS. Are you familiar? If not go to TMShelp.com Your mind body connection is exactly what TMS is all about. I have read 3 books by Sarno, and in fact am seeing an internist that specializes in TMS this afternoon. My belief is that in fact my tingling here, and pain there are symptoms of TMS and nothing else. No structural cause. That I must believe the Dr's and exhaustive tests I have had and except that the mind is a powerful organ. Capible of bringing on very real symptoms. But it is a diagnosis that requires 100% acceptance. Thus my appt. today. To get that diagnosis and begin the road to recovery through a process of dealing with the emotions and mental road blocks. Not running from Dr. to Dr. treating each physical symptom.
  Your post mentioned it would be interested to find out why the human body nerve pathway s break down and cause these tweaks of pain or bizzarre symptoms. This is explained in the medical community, although shunned by many. It is TMS . Tension Myositis Syndrome. And it does have a medical explaination.
 Because your posts have given me comfort and direction in the past. And how ironic that I should decide to check in here today and read the above post. I thought maybe this was a chance to chime in with something that may help others. Instead of looking for help for myself. And thought you might be interested that the mind/body connection you have made, that has helped you get over 30 months of hell, has been validated by accomplished physicians.
 As I said I am not healed yet, but feel  that this might be, no let me rephrase, this is the turning point for me. I am not an expert on TMS, if I was, I would be "cured" already. I have a lot of work ahead of me. I will keep you posted in my TMS journey. And maybe, just maybe, my positve experience with it will help others. That PANS post is right on track.

Wishing everyone 24 hours ( to start with) of no symptoms,
Sage

[Texan08]

Outstanding thread and great, great advice and thoughts to all on this terrible affliction!! I love reading what is working for some of you!!!

[Pan]

Hope knowbody minds but I thought I would bump this as we have a load of new members who would have missed this!

It is a lenghty read but offers some pretty good insights into the condition.

I remember when I first read the post I have quoted it made me have a good think about how much of a choice I actually have with health anxiety.

I came to the conclusion it is far more than we actually imagine. 

[Tatianna]

Thanks for bumping this thread, it was very valuable to me and as I read I came to tears as truth always touched me with geat emotion.

Yesterday I did choose to let it all go, went shopping with my daughter and out to eat, relaxed with some TV..I have to admit that it was still in the back of my mind but no longer in the front, so I guess it a start for me.

Thanks again Pan, continue to spread your message, its valuable is very high.

T

[marc]

Pan,
    Your "Accepting the Diagnosis" is a very well thought out and excellent informative post.

Marc

[Pan]

Pan,
    Your "Accepting the Diagnosis" is a very well thought out and excellent informative post.

Marc

I wish I could take the credit Marc

I actually found that post about 10 months ago on a different forum and it immedialty struck me as containing some basic truths that we sometimes forget.

The guy who originally posted it left that forum....I think that post was his parting gesture so I could not ask him permission to use but figured that as long as I never claim it as my own it would not be a problem.

One of my many GP's also read it and liked it and asked me to photocopy it for him.

I like to bump this once in a while as I think it would be a shame for newcomers to miss it.

[Cercy]

I actually read this this morning before leaving to go to the grocery store.

I promptly started crying, and sat down to talk with my husband about how very tired I am of being scared all the time. He held me and stroked my hair, instead of his usual bewildered attempts at convincing me that I'm really just nutso and perfectly healthy and just listened. The post really touched me and somehow made me able to let down my guard. It helped me realize I've been kind of a monster. Keeping my husband on the defensive, afraid to actually just let him in. Angry that he can't make everything better. And I think that is all tied in with my constant need to create a new disease.... I am afraid to be happy. And afraid to trust the world. And I need to figure out why that is!

This afternoon, while hanging curtains, I suddenly realized that I wasn't remotely anxious and hadn't thought about anything other than what I was doing for hours. Scary.

Thank you so much for posting this. And for bumping it. I'm so glad I found this forum. You're all so amazing.

[Xalatimo]

Good post.  The person who wrote that has many good points.  Living with health anxiety is, for the most part, a choice.  You can choose to view yourself as healthy or you can choose to believe that you are sick and dying.  Although it's easier said than done, it really comes down to making a choice.  Those who continue to suffer from health anxiety are simply choosing to do so out of fear -- fear of letting go and assuming that they are healthy due to the possibility that they might miss a disease.  But in the process, life is being taken away.  It's like killing yourself while living -- to avoid death.  It's really all about what causes more fear in you:  Being inflicted with a disease, or worrying about being inflicted with a disease for an entire lifetime yet never having one.  For me, it's the latter.  And so I live my life without a care; no regrets.  If you can convince yourself of this, you too can be on the road to recovery.  It's about making the decision -- getting fed up with anxiety and vowing to never let it affect you, even if it means paying the ultimate price -- death.  No matter how hard it is, it must be done in order to have peace of mind.  Much like a drug addict needs to stop using drugs, a health anxiety sufferer needs to stop being addicted to worry.  In both cases it's a choice, not an easy one, but a choice.  Not everyone can make it, but the ones that do shed themselves of the shackles are the ones who end up living a rich, happy life.  If you've been at the bottom before you reached the top, it is that much more special.  And that's what anxiety is:  It's a challenge.  An opportunity.  If you can overcome it, you will be richly rewarded.

[helpfulhelen]

This is the best post I have ever read.

Says it all in a nutshell.

I have read the posts from this author and I tip my hat to you.

[tomorrowisanotherday]

This morning in Church I knew that a prayer of mine was going to be answered.   Thank you so much Pan..........that really hit home with me and I think was an answer from God that I had been needing.  What a tool of God you are Pan..........

[Pan]

I have a feeling that this may have been lost in the recent thread purge so wanted to re-bump it for any new members that may find some solace or help from it.

We seem to have quite a few people on here at the moment who are deep in the grip of the neuro nasty side of health anxiety and it was originally reading this post on another forum what seems like many moons ago that was the first step in me finally accepting the anxiety diagnosis and starting to move on.

Apologies for bumping to those who have read it but would be nice to think some new members may get some insight through it.

[Pan]

Nice to see that someone has requested that this be stickied...it wasn't me honest

I hope it gives some solace and thought to anyone struggling to come to terms with Health Anxiety.