New with questions!

[Corey_02]

Hello,

Obviously I am new to this site.  My name is Corey, 29, male, married with 2 young boys.  Recently my wife and I made it to the verge of separation/divorce.  Tot ry and save our marriage we went to couples counseling, where the counselor “figured out” that I have GAD.  He suggested that I start taking drugs for it, and I have decided to start getting individual counseling.

The problem that I am having is that I don’t know if I actually have GAD or not.  After my wife told me that she wanted to move out for a while and that she was not “in love” with me anymore my anxiety went through the roof.  I lost a lot of weight, couldn’t concentrate at all on work, had a hard time sleeping, and over analyzed everything that was going on.

I know that I worry about a lot of things, but it is not like I suffer any physical effects from it.  I just can’t stop thinking about a problem, whether it be financial, relationship, job, etc.  In my mind though I always have a valid reason to be thinking about it, like we are sinking further and further into debt every month.  Is it normal to think that you have a rational reason to be worried about a topic with GAD?

I worry a lot about what other people think about me.  It keeps me from playing freely with my children, even in front of my wife.  Again, I don’t physically feel anything, I just can’t bring myself to act naturally around my boys when other people are around.  I also don’t get as involved as I would like at parties when the crowd is larger (more than about 6 people).  Again I just can’t bring myself to get involved.  I have a decent time, but not a great time.

My wife says that I am too serious all the time.  She is very excitable, and I just don’t get that way.  I want to be less serious, but I don’t show my excitement on the outside.  I don’t think that it is because I am worried about anything.  Is something like that likely to change as I overcome GAD?

Is “what if’ing” something to death sign of GAD?  She is upset that I overanalyze everything she says and does.  It is driving her further away from me, and I am hoping that I can stop myself as I get treatment for GAD.  Right now I can’t get away from a train of thought once on it.

I also don’t like confrontation.  I know I get anxious if I have to confront someone on something, and I end up putting it off, or trying to get out of it in some way.

This might seem like rambling, but I am anxious right now and can’t work.  My mind runs on its own track when I get like this.

For those that medication/therapy worked for, what sorts of personality changes did you experience?

[basketcase]

Hello Corey,
  I am so sorry that you are having problems with your marriage. Nothing can cause anxiety more than this type of thing. I should know, my husband had an affair because I wasn't fun anymore. I have suffered from GAD for 10 yrs now and I blame a lot of it on my husband as he caused me so much stress in many areas.
   Going for counseling I believe is a very good idea. I think you will find out that a lot of your problems could stem from your past, the way you were raised etc. Were your parents conservative people? I say that only because of your comment that you can't be yourself when others are watching and your wife says you're to serious. I also would see your doctor and see what he/she thinks and if medication would be right for you. I take klonopin for my anxiety and em grateful for it. When my anxiety is bad, I can't do much of anything. I have gotten so I can't drive now and this poses a problem for my husband when I need to see the doctor or go to any kind of appointment as he has to take time off work.
    I wish you all the best and I also would suggest having your wife go with you to the doctor. She needs to be understanding of how you feel and be supportive. People who don't have GAD haven't a clue as to the struggle it is everyday. I've been told to just get over it, yeah, sure. This is a disorder that takes time and patience but I believe you're taking the first steps to finding a way out. Good luck on your journey and do come back and let us know how things are going.

A friend,
 Valerie

[Corey_02]

Well, I am already starting to take Effexor, so the durgs question has been answered already.  I am taking them, but I have trouble believing that I am actually afflicted with a disorder.  To me, I have always been this way, it isnormal to me.  The anxiety i have felt since she announced she was seriousely thinking of leaving me is somewhat new to me, the only other time  was during the first gulf war.

My wife was going to move out when she finished her Dental Assisting course in 6 weeks, but since she found out that I have GAD, she has decided to stay until I am somewhat normal.  We are going to re-evaluate our relationship then.  She is being somewhat supportive, but she is very frustrated by my serious nature and my over analysing of everything that happens between us.  It is driving her away, and she is only being somewhat supportive.

I find this to be a slap in the face, as after the birth of our second son, she went into a deep depression.  In the end she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  She went through the depression, anxiety, and  mania.  She has since stabalised on Lithium, and it was when that happened that she realised that she was not in love with me anymore.  That was about a year and a half ago, and she just recently let me know how unhappy she really was.  She had been blaming her unhappiness on a lot of things, and just now got to the fact that it was us.

She is bored with me.  Tired of my seriouseness.  Wants other relationships.  It feels as though she is pulling further and further away every day.  What makes it worse is that I don't know if she really is pulling further away, or if it is just me making things up.  She has an innocent relationship with a guy in her class, and I can't help but think the worst thoughts about it.

I drive myself nuts thinking about the what if's.  I really hope the meds can relax me long term and get me to a place where I can be happy and fun.  I really don't want to lose my wife.  I know she won't stay with me if this is what our life is to be.

[basketcase]

Corey,
  I do feel for you and can totally relate. I am sorry that your wife is bipolar as my ex-daughter-in-law has that too and I saw what it did to my son's marriage. There's nothing that hurts more than having marital problems and I pray you can be helped from the medication but I think seeking marriage counseling is more of an answer if your wife would be willing to go. Don't close off talking and letting your wife know how you feel. I only hope she will listen and try to see your side. Again, were you raised in a family that was very reserved? I know my husband's complaint with me and still is is that I never want to have fun. I truly don't know how to have fun and its not been a part of my life. And now with GAD, just thinking about having to do anything and I'm a nervous wreck. Its a hard thing to try and turn off your brain and stop thinking about everything. Not sure there's any drug that can help stop that problem so that's why I advise counseling so you can get your feeling out there. Take care and remember you are never alone, we're here for you. God bless.

A friend,
Valerie

[Corey_02]

My family:  Well, I don't know if they were reserved or not.  I would never think of them as stuffed shirts, but their idea of fun is a lot different than mine.  Growing up we did a lot fo camping, fishing, and horseback riding.  Ihave turned into a city boy now.  My parents partied, and I get drunk with them every now and then when I go home.

When I think about her saying that I am too serious and I bring her down, I think she is being unfair to me.  One of her examples was when we went to a 1000 year old castle in England.  She was so excited that she was standing in a real dungeon.  I was thinking about all the people that probably died in there and was sombre.  She felt pulled down because of that.  She gets excited about a lot of things that I don't and so she assumes that I am too serious.  May-be I should really be pushing for her to do things that I enjoy more.  Unfortunately she won't even consider jumping out of an airplane!

I think there is a huge difference between never wanting to have fun, and not knowing how to have fun.  There is even the fact that I don;t know how to have fun around her.  For a lot of our relationship she was suffering undiagnosed BP, and was a very serious person.  She could laugh and have fun, but there were a lot of things that she wouldn't do.  Now she has found her fun side and is upset with me for not having one.  I have told her that I need time to learn to play again and that I just need time.  I think she will give me sometime, but she really wants to get on with her life if we aren't going to work out.  After all she has already "wasted 6 years of her youth".

After telling me that she is thinking of leaving, and my anxiety going through the roof, she is eeven more upset with me that I am not more fun to be around.  This ratchets up the anxiety even higher, since now I am constantly trying to figure out if I am being a party pooper for her or not.

We started marrige councelling.  It was that guy that decided I had GAD.  The way the sessions were going, her and I were headed streight for divorce, so this GAD diagnosis gives me a bit of a reprieve.  We are taking some time away from couples councelling, so that I can get myself sorted out.  Even if it turns out that I don't actually have GAD I know that there are a number of issues that I need to work on.  A large number of the symptoms that got the counsellor to say that I have GAD need to be sorted out.  There is a huge disconnect betweent he person that I believe I should be and the person that I am.