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Author Topic: Feeling really Ill  (Read 534 times)

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Offline vangellis

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Feeling really Ill
« on: May 26, 2013, 01:26:33 PM »
Hi, I have had this depression now for over 20 years, but since I had a heart attack in 2007 it has got a hell of a lot worse.
I have been waking up around 10am then the usual dread and despair sets in and I don't get out of bed till around 1pm, but for the past week I have been thinking about ***** when I wake up, I am unable to get these thoughts out of my head and they are getting stronger.
I went to see my doctor about it and he said that I should mention it to my physc doc when I next see him, but that's not till 27 july. I told him at my last visit the mirtazapine were no good for me but he won't listen, Although I must admit I have been on every AD there is over the past 20 years, they work for about a month, then stop. I might as well be taking smarties for all the good they are doing. And mirtazapine have gone the same way, Also I have a reaction with Mirt, if I take more that one and a quarter tabs (thats 18.75mg) my legs swell up like balloons, (it states in the patient leaflet that this can happen) plus I feel spaced out like a zombie if  I go over the 18.75mg
He said they were trying to sort me out using CBT instead of drugs, Well I finished the CBT and that was a complete waste of time altogether, now they got me on social outings, A OT worker picks me up at my home once a week and we go into town for a look round the shops and have a cup of tea in a cafe in town, I must admit I do feel a little better after our litle outing but next morning it's back to square one.
Anyone got any advice how to get rid of these feelings of wanting to ***** when I wake up please.
thanks
Vangellis- UK
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The mind can play real cruel tricks on us if we let it.
And my mind is a past master at it

Offline LindaRK

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Re: Feeling really Ill
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2013, 03:20:38 PM »
Sorry to hear you're going through this.

I, too, have had anxiety and depression for over 36 years.  That's a long time to carry the load that we've been given, isn't it?

I am currently NOT on any meds, although during my depression/anxiety "career", I've been on alot of them off and on.  I did okay off for about 10-15 years, then had a setback and tried going on a med.  Didn't work, as now my system can't tolerate any of them, so I look to alternative methods.

I think the hardest part of this is that we all want to be where we were .... when we didn't have depression or anxiety.  I find myself going back to that place and it's dangerous.  We will NEVER be who we were.  We are who we are now - sometimes maybe a little better with the help of whatever works for us.  By thinking we can go back, we are doing ourselves an injustice and just making it that much harder.

You say that when you go out, you feel a little bit better ... how about making it a habit?  Doing it on a regular basis - hook up with someone or your spouse or friend.  Find a partner in crime so to speak - how about volunteering?  I've found over the years that having someone else depend on me makes a big difference.

As much as I hate exercise, that really helps, too.  Nothing too exhausting - how about regular walking?  Get out and about and look at what's around you - take it all in.

Some of this sounds so trite, I know.  It's not something that will help you over night or in a few hours like a med can, but over time, you will re-train your brain to look at the positive instead of focusing on the negative.

As to you waking up with the bad thoughts - I've gone through periods of this as well.  I would wake up and as soon as my eyes opened, the first word on my mind was D E A T H.  It was horrible.  I just had to push myself to get out of bed and get moving.  When I would get those thoughts I would immediately say STOP out loud and move on to another train of thought.  It really works, but it takes persistence and patience.

Do you use positive affirmations?  I have about 30 printed on a slip of paper - I keep one at my desk, my nightstand and in my purse and I read them throughout the day.  I always tell myself that I am, indeed, a good and loving person .... among other things.  It really does work .... give it a try.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Feeling really Ill
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2013, 11:30:27 AM »
Linda's post says it all, gives the best suggestions. Excellent.

Now CBT has helped me because I met it half way and am willing to attend to all aspects of it: diet, exercise, journaling, going to the gym, walking and, simply put, brainwashing the brain. There is no free lunch, as the saying goes. We must work at stimulating those feel good chemicals in the brain. It can be done. But we must attend to it every day. How about a class in yoga? In the gym? Meditate and tell yourself all manner of positives. In my mind it stems primarily from negatives in childhood which can be overcome. Wishing you the best.
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Offline vangellis

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Re: Feeling really Ill
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2013, 12:38:03 PM »
Thank you both for your very concentrated comments.

Yes, I'm going to HAVE to do something, my life's not worth living like this.

Thank's for your replies

Vangellis-UK
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The mind can play real cruel tricks on us if we let it.
And my mind is a past master at it

Offline LindaRK

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Re: Feeling really Ill
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2013, 02:01:10 PM »
Vangellis ...... speaking for myself here and being pretty blunt .....

Sometimes I feel like people come to the forums looking for that "magic" solution to our problems.  It's frustrating not being able to provide that .... and sad, too.  I wish I could wave a magic wand over all of us and make us feel better, but no one can do that.  It's up to us to take care of ourselves - even with a doctor's care, there is so much that we need to do for ourselves.

I hope you are able to get into a mindset to get active and involved with something.  I think that, over time, you will see it can really benefit you in so many ways, no just in helping your depression symptoms.

Hugs to you, my friend.  Take it one baby step at a time and don't be hard on yourself if you fall a step back.  We all do.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Feeling really Ill
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2013, 07:46:40 AM »
The nice part is we can come here, express what we feel and pick ourselves up to try again. It is not easy, that's for sure. I also find that days vary, some better, some worse. With encouragement, maybe some ideas, or learn of a new source (the Sam Obitz book I learned about here still helps), or relearn the importance of positive self-talk, examining expectations, living with acceptance and hope, etc. we can carry on and even enjoy our days.

It is also important to find our interests and pleasures apart from others.
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