Hello! First Time Here. Hope Someone Can Help Me with Possible Anxiety Disorder?

[Shea]

Hi, all.

I've been reading posts here, and it seems like a great helpful place with nice people. So, I decided to register and (hopefully) hook up with some other people who are experiencing the same things that I am. Problem is, I'm actually quite clueless--I know what I feel, but I have no idea what it's called. Is it a type of GAD? Here we go:

The people who are closest to me always say that I don't "go out of my box." Which is entirely true. Meaning, I am a very routine person, and if I have to go somewhere that is "outside my box" (basically the outside of a perimeter of about 15 miles from my home), I experience overwhelming feelings of ... how to explain it? ... just sort of apprehensive, nervous, uncomfortable, and feeling like I NEED to get OUT of there NOW. Sometimes, these feelings are accompanied by headache and nausea.

For Mother's Day, we took my mom to a place that she wanted to go to. It was about a 45-minute drive. Needless to say, I didn't enjoy it. I mean, I handled it well on the outside, but on the inside, I was very tense and couldn't wait to leave. As soon as we returned to familiar streets, I felt that a HUGE weight had been lifted from me. I was happy, content, talking, laughing, and my old self again.

Here's another scenario: I *do* like trying new and different things--but these new places are almost *always* "inside my box" (same area, nearby, etc.). And sometimes, when I try these new places, I almost immediately regret it (I think to myself, I'm not having fun, this was a wasted trip, I need to get out of here, etc.) ... and when I return to familiar places, the feelings of anxiety disappear.

Also: crowds. I do not and cannot handle large crowds of people. Even if it's an event that I *really* want to attend, I will usually stay away because I can't stand being crowded--especially by strangers. I have a *huge* personal space issue. So, I usually just avoid crowds altogether.

When I know I'm going "outside of my box," as I did for Mother's Day, I literally have to mentally prepare myself for such outings. This has played a major role in my social life, obviously, and I hope someone can help me talk about this and share experiences. Maybe it's not even GAD? I really have no idea...

Please, share your thoughts with me.

Kindest regards,
Shea

P.S. I forgot to add that I am constantly overwhelmed with feelings of dread and worry. I worry about the "silliest things," people say--but to me, they are not silly at all. I constantly worry about going into a public place and, for instance, a bomb going off or the ceiling caving in or getting killed in a car accident on the way there or on the way back, etc.

[Dizzy Lizzy]

Hi Shea,

I can relate with you. I do not like crowds either. I feel very tense, like my space is invaded and like I am being watched. I get really self conscious and then I get angry and frustrated and then I just want to leave. I have not gotten over this problem, but quite honestly I just avoid crowds and I feel great so I stick to this behavior. So far, I have not really had any problems with it. I still go out and do things but I choose off peak times and days. Some things, like concert events are simply out and I have just accepted that.

I used to always get apprehensive about going to new places and I pretty much stuck to my town as well. But I have found for me it is better NOT to mentally prepare for an event because I wil over think about it and come up with terrible scenarios and feel worse. Maybe if you did not think about it so much you may be able to relax more. I have learned over the yrs that one of my problems is that I want to be in control of everything and know what to expect all the time. I have learned that that is not always possible. I would rather take a chance and enjoy something than never take the chance at all.

It sounds like there is A LOT of negative self talk that goes on in your mind, I do this too. I have been learning over the years to stop because it ruins everything. I could daydream to myself about me getting terrible diseases, what my funeral would be like, how I would react if my husband left me ect.... I am also terrified of war, starving for food and water, losing my house and so many other terrible things. I found that the more I would think about these things I would have terrible nightmares of bombs being dropped from planes overhead and of having no water and food. This makes no sense. I am 36 and I live in the U.S.A. and have never been through a war or any other natural disaster. I read about positive visualizations and literally talking to yourself and programming your thoughts, it has helped me a lot. Whenever I get a negative though, especially a really far fectched on, I envision my mind as a VCR and I push the eject button and I tell myself that I do not want to play that tape in my mind. Then I immediately think of something very positive, like remodeling and decorating my house or remembering a beautiful event in my life and it really works for me.
It takes a lot of practice at first and you have to do it a lot for it to become a habit but it is worth it. I also stopped watching the news and anything sad or depressing. No more war movies, sad terminally ill movies, only light -hearted things, happy shows ect...
   

I do not experience thoughts of "this was a wasted trip" or "I am not having fun" once I do go out. I do find that the more I make myself go out, even something as simple as my local park and sit there just being peaceful I do feel better. The more I make myself go out I do feel better. Maybe you need to go out little by little, not so far away, smaller trips but with more frequency so that you get used to them. There were about 4-5 yrs where I was always in my house and except for grocery shopping or going to see my doc, I was home. Sometimes we have to make ourselves do things to get over them. AND YES, sometimes we need medical help and you might need to talk it over with your doc.

As far as your condition, it sounds like you have social anxiety due to your reactions with people and places. All your strange worries and apprehensions sounds like GAD. I Too have both of these problems.

Please do not take offense to anything I have written here, my intentions were only to help and let you know you are not alone.

Hoping you get better soon,
Lizzy 

[Shea]

Take offense? lol Lizzy, what you wrote really helped me. Thank you so much. I love the mental device about the VCR and positive visualization. I hadn't thought about that!

One thing you said that I have to disagree with, though. I don't think I have social anxiety--going to public places and being around people doesn't bother me at all. It's just really large crowds that I dislike. I don't like when strangers are so close they're touching shoulders with you. But who doesn't, right? lol Anyway, it seems like people who have social anxiety disorder (not specifically GAD, which is what I think I might have) are really worried about being embarrassed in public and have panic attacks at parties, etc. I don't experience any of that. I could care less what people think of me, and I don't embarrass easily.

Thanks again for your reply, Lizzy. I'm gonna try that VCR trick!

[apple]

I think you may have GAD...sounds familiar to me about not straying to far from home.

You should talk to your doctor about this, he may be able to help you

I am on medication and I did cognative behavior therapy (which REALLY helped)
Changing the way you think can help you change the way you react to things

Good luck

[mbabynz]

i agree with apple going to the doc is a good idea your symptoms are similar to mine and Ive came along way since then its all the horrible fears that are hard to deal with hope you get better and best of luck my drugs are working well for me.
take care
mbabynz

[Shea]

Hey, gang! Thanks for your replies. Just one problem, though: I don't take drugs. I will NOT take drugs. Well, maybe as a last resort, if nothing else in the world works. And even then, that's a BIG maybe! I prefer natural medicine, holistic approaches, etc.

At any rate, I thank you much for your replies. I'd like to see a professional in order to explore natural remedies, cognitive thinking, meditation, etc.

[Mr_Anxiety]

Shea, I have also experienced this similar situation- I start fearing the worst but I know it's just irrational. It is like my mind is torn between my logic and the constant anxiety. Sometimes I feel like I need some sort of escape for no apparent reason. I do not have any medicial advice for you, but it makes me feel better to find out I'm not the only one who experiences this. It helps me when I turn the radio in my car to good music and try to ignore the sudden thoughts. I basically force myself into uncomfortable situations like you have, in hopes that I will eventually get used to them. Please let us know if anything helps.