ROCD

[Chris516]

I don't know where else to post this.

I have been in a Long-Distance Relationship for six years with a woman who was diagnosed with OCD in her teens.  We are both in our mid-40's.  The first four years was gangbusters.  The only problem was her obsessing over HIV, which I don't have.  Eventually that stopped.  That was the only obsession that I outright said no to.  There were plenty of other obsessions.  But none like that.  Sure she obsessed about my eyes being adequately protected from the sun when I was out biking, or my ears being adequately protected when I was using power tools.  But nothing to the severity of the HIV obsession.

Fast forward to the Fall of 2011.  From that point, since, there have been several periods where we have communicated little, if at all.  Six years ago, we would spend several hours a night on the phone.  Now we hardly talk.  When I have asked her, if I did anything wrong, she says it is because of her, not me.

Recently, She started telling me to find another woman.  I told her I refuse.  I am not trying to give the impression of being a slight bit controlling.

I have had physical health issues from birth.  Prior to her, basically no woman has wanted to really be with me, because of my health issues.  Because of the responsibility needed, should my physical health take a dive.  Sure I was married for eight years to my (ex)wife, and engaged for four more to my (ex)fiance.  But my (ex)wife is either, mentally retarded or autistic.(I have never been told which)  My (ex)fiance is Bi-Polar.  My (ex)wife  just stared at me when I had an epileptic seizure in bed, telling me two years after we separated, that she wished my health problems would "just go away".  I found that to be terribly ignorant of her.  While my (ex)fiance came through with flying colors when I had two separate seizures in front of her.  She also said I had thirteen different mental and physical health issues.  Even though, she is not a clinician.

The woman with OCD, has never been emotionally abusive to me.  She has done more for me, than my (ex)wife and/or, my (ex)fiance combined ever could do

I still love her.  I have a feeling, she has been  having tremendous ROCD guilt.

[StudentOfHope]

I was terribly sad reading through to the end of this.
It sounds to me as if your partner and you have been of
Tremendous support to one another.

Without knowing the extent of your conversations that led her to
Ask you to find someone else, if you truly suspect
That she is having obsessions about your relationship
And want to work on this, is it possible to seek
Therapy together?  You mentioned that you are Long distance,
So I am unsure of whether that is possible.

Would she consider posting to this board to get support?

If there are other concerns she has about the relationship
Outside of her OCD, has she discussed them with you? 

I hope for the best possible outcome for you.  You sound
Like a very supportive man, and you deserve the same.

[Chris516]

I was terribly sad reading through to the end of this.
It sounds to me as if your partner and you have been of
Tremendous support to one another.

To a large extent, yes.  When I had seizure Super Bowl Weekend of 2011, it was a result of gas from the furnace instead of my Epilepsy.  I told her about it, and she was genuinely concerned.

Without knowing the extent of your conversations that led her to
Ask you to find someone else, if you truly suspect
That she is having obsessions about your relationship
And want to work on this, is it possible to seek
Therapy together?  You mentioned that you are Long distance,
So I am unsure of whether that is possible.

Couples therapy is not possible.  Because of distance.

Would she consider posting to this board to get support?

She hasn't been online much.  I don't think she would.

If there are other concerns she has about the relationship
Outside of her OCD, has she discussed them with you?

 

She has been telling me lately, that I am wasting my life, being in a relationship with her.  I have told every time, that she hasn't.  As expected, she doesn't agree.

I hope for the best possible outcome for you.  You sound
Like a very supportive man, and you deserve the same.

Thank you.  With my life-long health problems, I doubt I would ever find one.