Why am I constantly analyzing everything?

[Cindyp]

I don't even know where to begin with this.

I have this "thing" that has gotten worse over the years and interferes with my life to such an extent that I have become a total basket case. I've done a lot of reading and one time I'm convinced it's OCD and then I read something else and swear I suffer from an anxiety disorder, depression or something else. Now i'm thinking maybe I'm a hypochondriac but I'm not sure.

Anyway, it tends to start out as something small (like a wart on my arm) and when it's all over with, I've spent months fretting and worrying about it, going to ten different doctors, having gobs of tests, reading "nightmare" stories about warts on the internet, driving other people crazy asking them questions about warts and it just never ends because no matter what anyone tells me, I just CAN NOT get it out of my mind and am sure that I will end up losing my entire arm because of this wart.

This is just one small example and of course, there is the sadness, depression, anxiety and feeling of dread and doom "knowing" that I will be losing my arm and suddenly I have become totally disinterested in everything around me. I can no longer focus on my work while fretting over my arm so I never get anything done. I just sit and worry all day. I am totally disfunctional at this point.

If out of ten different doctors who told me the wart was'nt malignant, one says he's not sure, I will feel like I am already dead. Or if there's any hesitation in the doctor's voice, I will pick up on it right away and then go home and start "analyzing" everything that was discussed and obscess over WHY he hesitated. If I get ten different doctors telling me several different things, then I have this huge dillemma over "who" to believe and this only makes me want to see more doctors to "get to the bottom" of the truth.

In the end, I totally lose faith in the medical profession and sit there feeling completely lost and helpless with noone to turn to. I down a xanax sometimes but this only helps for a few hours and then the worrying starts up again until I feel like I am going to go completely mad and lose it. Most of the time, no matter what I take, it does'nt help at all.

I've tried several of the SSRI's but they all seem to have horrific side effects and since I believe I might suffer from OCD (or some form of it), I understand that I might need a much stronger SSRI (or much stronger amount of it) to help me which means even worse side effects. It's like being on a roller-coaster and the ride never stops.

I'm truly tired of living in this catch-22 situation where I must choose between my condition and the side effects from medications used to treat my condition. I can see why some people turn to drinking...and worse.

So please tell me. What does this sound like?. Can anyone relate?. I'm so sick of feeling this way but feel powerless to do anything about it. It seems that the best anyone is able to do is just "deal with it". Is this what I will have to do?...just get used to living my entire life this way?.

Sigh...

[Momof3]

((((((((Cindyp))))))))

Whoaaa...I read your post and the first though I had was "are we twins?". I swear you sound EXACTLY like me to a tee!. Constantly freaking out over little thing fearing something must be terribly wrong with you. In fact, you sound so much like me that if I did'nt know any better, I'd think I was reading my OWN post. I go from cancer to AIDS to all kinds of other things and I know it can wear you down. Hang in there!! :).

Well, it was nice to meet you. I was able to get myself calm by taking a xanax but how long that will last is anyone's guess so I have to just enjoy the peacefulness while it lasts. Incidentally, I also feel like my mind never rests...as if it was constantly searching for something to be "scared" of...some new disease it can obscess over, etc. You ever feel like that?. Like your mind is too busy sometimes?.

[anxietystricken]

I am laughing my head off...not because it is funny but because I now know there is 2 people in the world with the same problem as me....Syphilis,hiv,lung cancer and the newest one is rabies because I touch and pet a dog that died a few days later......I was an alcoholic untill just recently and quiting seems to make everything worse.....bye

[LifeToStressful]

I've been over-analyzing everything, all of my life.  trying to live up to high family expectations, trying not to be a dis-appointment to my dad, trying to make sure that i do everything right, the first time, and driving myself nuts, when things don't go right.  I am more concerned with what other people think about me, than what I really think about myself.  My stress has turned to anxiety, then to depression, and now i feel like I'm losing touch with reality.  I'm always worried that we'll lose our apartment, or my car, if i lose my job, and it's preventing me from focusing on taks at hand.

Everytime I'm given an assignemnt, i think I'm being set up for failure, or that my boss is trying to come up with a way to get me fired.  I really put in a lot of hours at work, and it all stems from this fear and worrying that I'm not good enough.  I'm the youngest person on my Software Development team, and i also have the least amount of experience.

I don't know.  It's making it dificult to enjoy life, cause I'm always afraid of something going wrong at work.  It's even difficult to take vacation, because I'm afraid that something will go wrong.  I guess I'm really afraid of disappointing my wife, or letting her down.  I'm always trying to live up to everyone elses' standards, and lately it's affecting my health.  Soemtimes, it just becomes too unbearable....

I try to stop worrying, but I cn't seem to come up with a way of getting around it.  That's why I'm up now, it's 4:30 AM, and I can't sleep.

[katu]

hello all,

I've been reading alot about other people with anxiety disorders ever since my doctor diagnosed me with GAD and severe health anxiety a few months ago. Everything you guys have said  is pretty much how my life goes too. I have managed to get a better handle on it recently although things are a little stressful at the moment so I am in danger of relapsing. Lets just say I know exactly how you all feel and its nice to know Im not alone, as although family and friends are very supportive, they struggle to understand as im sure you all know, its almost impossible to understand unless you suffer from it yourself. With me the big thing is cancer; everything I have I am convinced is cancer, and not just me, my family and friends too. At the moment I am obsessing about my mum as she has a feeling of a lump in her throat (as do I as I am writing this!) and has to have an endoscopy - this has started a real spiral which you all know is not good. Im even Gooogleing her symptoms which is always a no-no. I think all this has got worse since my gran died recently at quite a young age from cancer, although problems started way before that. Does any body have any management techniques they can share? Im always on the lookout for ways to improve things. Thanks xxxxxxx :)

[Bill]

Whoa !!
           That's me talking isn't it....!!
            I think that what we all have done is quite natural. We've  identified a problem  and we've researched it.
             The problem is the whole process is full of anxiety and misinformation
              Fear of the beginning of the end..... That's natural response I believe.
              Now trust is another thing - it's important to trust what a professional medic tells you, after all he has no reason to lie.
              A few months ago  i believed my son may have the start of a serious illness... I was told by a medic this was not the case, because
  what I had failled to find on google ( god fordbid I EVER USE THIS AGAIN ! ) was a similar condition which was not serious at all which fits perfectly with the symptoms he has. I analysed the whole thing for weeks and nearly drove my self mad...... and i was WRONG ! ( this was not a happy ending IMO it's left me traumatised by the whole thing)
                 

[dareim]

May as well have been me writing this, i do exactly the same things as you do, constant reassurance is always looked for, and even when i do get it i doubt it, it is a vicious circle that you have to try and get out of from the minute the first thought creeps into your head.  sometimes i manage to do it and other times i dont, i have had everything from heart attacks, strokes, ms and tumours over the last couple of days,  its getting out of hand and just taking over every waking minute.  I have OCD and go and see someone about it which helps but at the moment i cant seem to help myself.

hope knowing you're not the only one helps. ;)

[zoey]

Hello. It is good to know that there are MANY people with common worries and fears.I always take the worst-case scenario to be the most probable explanation to anything I am experiencing, whether it's a twitch, a prick, sting, whatever, mole, irregularity, slight change in anything... and what i've come to realise is that IT'S OK. things take time, and getting over a worry will take time, however, you have to watch the time go by. If it's been 6 months that you've been worrying about something, then remember how it was 6 months ago, and then look at yourself now, and see how there isn't much of a difference. Cancer is characterized by a relatively rapid change in symptoms, and some symptoms which are all too obvious for doctors to miss (like bleeding, fast growth, etc.) And doctors know what to look for.

I think (at least to a certain extent) that some of my problems also stem from the fact that whatever i have is different from the "norm" or "prefect being", which is very wrong to think. If you take care of your body, it will take care of you basically. There is no reason for you to just suddenly and spontaneously develp a major illness (like cancer) if you've been taking care of yourself. Also, accept yourself for who you are. Think of huge blue whales that have other ecosystems living on their skin. That is amazing. The whale doesnt care if there's a bunch of sea shells stuck on it's back, or if algae and fungus are crawling it's body. Hell it can't even see them!

toodles

[gloomy]

 I analyze everything too I have four children and every cough and sneeze sends me into panic mode, I feel so much better reading this site now I only feel a bit of freak( sorry guys) no offence meant. My life is so good to outsiders but nobody knows how I feel inside cant talk to anyone about it because I know they wont understand.  I am studying for psychology degree at Hull University at the moment how ironic is that I cant even apply the theory to my own mental health.  I have tried to identify a trigger point for my constant health worries and all I can come up with is five years ago I gave birth to a full term stillborn son which nearly finished me off mentally but I did get through it, and think maybe this hypochondria is a manifestation of a deeper level of grieving or something, but anyway until I can control it I have to live with thinking I have breast, lung, ovarian, cervical, skin, bowel, throat, mouth, oesophagus cancer and heart disease, angina symptoms, pancreatic cancer, brain tumour, bone cancer, tumours in any given part of my body depending on my mood in need of a hysterectomy,0 5 minutes to live......... you know the list goes on.  If I wasnt a woman I would have added prostate cancer to that list aswell (Just trying to be humourous sorry bad taste!) Am actually laughing at that list now because in black and white it seems so ridiculous until tomorrow when I think of a new disease I have.  Sorry I couldnt be more positive but feeling really down at the moment as I cant see a way to control all of this I am already taking effexor dont know if they are any good or not. Anybody feel as bad as me or got a list of illnesses as long as mine? Write back and make me feel I am not too freaky.

[dareim]

hi all

i too have a new disease nearly every second day. no sooner have i stopped being so paniky about one then another one comes along, i think also that when you get super sensitive to one part of your body thats all you can focus on, like sometimes when i think there is something very major wrong with my legs for example i am very aware of every step i take or everytime i cross them or look at them, its like they never existed until i started worrying about them!

keep wanting to just live for the moment and not worry about everything, am afraid am going to be like this for the rest of my life.