Thank you so much for visiting! Know that you are cared for, and, in my case, prayed for. Thank you for being up front about how you feel.
The city in which you live has a wealth of help. I know because I am considering moving there, and visited some of the help to see how I would do regarding support and assistance if I were to move. Stayed there a week, and got a good handle on the options. That S/I is a tough one. Feels out of control. It's hard for people to relate to. On 6/18/2008 my friend completed his hanging. While I was on a vacation (actually in your area) I got the call from his wife telling me that he had died. I just had breakfast with him six days earlier, and we exchanged how each of us were feeling. When I got the news, I felt out of control, like I would do the same. I now see that there is a rather large leap between serious consideration, and completion of the act. If you begin to feel a sense of relief with the thought, you are in serious trouble, however, if the thought is distressing, you are still okay. I still push for face to face contact with peers. DBSA is in your area. A good place to relate. It is hard for people to understand the thoughts that precede serious thoughts to end ones life, but there are those of us who can totally relate. I even had well meaning people advise me to draw a "line in the sand" and make it not an option. I was unable to do that. Today, I feel much better, and not considering it. This month marks one year since I have felt that way. What changed? I sought a specific group of peers who were sharing the same problem and working on relapse prevention. Awkward at first, but glad I stayed.