struggling with everyday life!

[tasha 87]

Hey all

So I started a new job about 2months ago, and its extremely stressful.  The last week or so I have been out of work more than in. I just cant face it. In the mornings I just can't bring  myself to go in to work or do anything.  I just have no motivation.  I won't even call my boss to tell him I can't make it, rather send him a text.  I just cant deal with any confrontation, it ramps up my symptoms completely.  I just dont know what to do, I feel like I am letting myself and everybody around me down. I don't think I can continue on  there as its too much for me. But i don't know how to tell that to my boss.
And I am afraid my partner and friends won't understand and think I am being lazy and useless.

I want to work and have a normal life without wondering what every twitch and cramp is caused by.

My counselor advised me not to stay in the position as it is causing me so much angst, but this means getting another new job.

Just feel like I will never make progress at this rate

[mollyfin]

I just checked your username to make sure you weren't someone I know personally!  You're not alone with these sorts of problems.  I don't really have any advice beyond the usual "try to find a professional who can help," though. 

[tasha 87]

Thanks mollyfin.

I guess It will just take time...

[floridaguy65]

Hi T:)

What's going on in your anxiety help? Self-help?

What you describe is pretty common for anxiety peeps. Avoidance mechanisms used to 'cope' can become quite prevelant. And, they can become the norm instead of a sporadic occurence. I understand how difficult it can be, for sure. We just want some lasting peace. And, we can being working our way towards that goal, as best we can. Most often, a key in our 'recovery' is learning that we CAN push through a lot of the wild fear inducing thought patterns and get things done. When we are getting hammered by anixety / panic we can fall into bad habits and embrace counterprodcutive actions, often, in an effort to give ourselves some relief. You are getting locked into avoidance patterns that will offer you up little relief and will provide you with little positive outlook. When struggling, we envision worst case scenarios as the LIKELY outcome. History, from other peeps, and our own personal experiences tend to show us that the LIKELY outcome from what we are terribly fearing is nowhere near the level we afford it. Of course, this is OUR life and we are living it (currently in fear) and we want to move towards some type of certainty and trust and calmer times. It can be rough - I know.

What type of job is this? (If you don't mind the asking)

How old are you? You live on your own?

Also, try to recall another time when you were getting swept away by 'what ifs?' and believing worst case scenarios were imminent. We have ALL had these time...most have had many, so you can remember one, I'm sure:) Did the worst case happen? I can't tell you how many times I was locked into truly fearing stuff....and I can't really recall ONE where the outcome was totally horrible or the outcome was something from which I couldn't recover:) And, overwhelmingly, my mountainous worries were never warranted....doesn't mean they weren't there, though. I had to learn how to push through the fears and physical manifestations and get things done. And, eventually, prove to myself that I was capable of successes. Successes in real life stuff like jobs and school and relationships and social activities. And, successes in learning how to accept and manage my mental health challenges:)

You can do this, too:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

[tasha 87]

Hi florida guy

Thank you for your kind words of wisdom :)

Ironically,  its working within a corporate psychology company. The role I am doing is notoriously stressful.  I also hear and see a lot of upsetting things on a daily basis... I.e people self harming, destructive behaviour.... you get my drift.  Dealing with these people can be challenging for most but for me it feels like it is too close to home right now, they may come into the office visibly upset and it can be hard to not let it get to you.

I took on the role not knowing as much as I probably should have, its extremely demanding and you are always chasing your tail no matter what.

I am 25 and live with my partner (emigrated 2 years ago) so have no family around me here. I have friends but they do not all understand what I am battling.

Financially speaking, this HA is really taking its toll, between medical bills, Counselling etc.

I do go to cbt sessions but not as often as needed because basically, I just cannot afford the 150 dollar an hour fees.

I have improved since I started on this horrible journey,  but I have a long way to go yet.

[tinam7]

FG's post is terrific and I'm a great believer in CBT all aspects of it, which includes meditation, exercise, eating well and realizing it takes time, effort, persistence.

Everyday life is the best there is, if you ask me. It will be there for you. I have the books by Sam Obitz, Lucinda Bassett, Sarah Edelman. You can check to see what your library has. You can read up on the TEA form (Thought, Error, Analysis) which can be very helpful. Obitz' book has good examples. There is much you can do on your own and we can learn and improve together. I meditate and exercise and walk every day realizing it is a reconditioning of the mind something I can't take for granted. It turns out it is all quite pleasant. We are here to support you as best we can.

[floridaguy65]

Everyday life is the best there is, if you ask me. It will be there for you.

Wow, Tina....I LOVE these two sentences! I actually had to read it a couple times before I got it, though:) LOL

Anxiety peeps can have trouble letting 'everyday life' simply happen. Because we can be so amped up, we can overanalyze nearly everything and we can get stuck in a crummy pattern of rarely 'letting our guard down' to where we can intrisically enjoy 'everyday life'. Getting wrapped up in fearful reactionary measures because we have intrusive thoughts and physical manifestations creates a mindset that, most often, can't allow us to 'chill out', so to speak. When we get distracted, at times, which all of us do (eventhough we will say otherwise, when struggling), we can find some enjoyment in our days...however fleeting it may seem. To me, the simple happening of lowering our anxiety (or forgetting about it for awhile) through distraction should give us great hope. This hope would be that we can truly help ourselves learn how to distract ourselves by embracing a lot of the actions and habits and exercises and techniques and therapies that have been shown to offer up assistance for anxiety interractions. We don't have to wait for distraction to just happen:)

As mentioned, it takes time, effort and persistence. Longterm commitments are needed. Trust me, I floundered looking for quick fixes...looking for it to simply just go away. I was pissed, alot. I fought with myself a lot. I cried, "WHY ME?" too often. I'm not too egotistical to say that if there was a 'magic pill' that I would have been elbowing people out of my way to be first in line. I'm still an anxiety peep...I will always be one. I do my best at managing my challenges. And, I have learned pretty darn well. My feeling is that most of us can learn how to do it pretty darn well, to our own extents of being capable of embracing acceptance and adopting longterm commitments. Life has its ups and downs regardless of who you are. Because of our makeup, our anxiety disorder(s) / health anxiety, do not relegate ourselves to feeling that our lives will have more downs than ups. I SWORE my life would never be worth anything, so to speak, when I struggled mightily.

My life definitely has FAR more ups than downs:) And, it overwhelmingly likely has always been nearly that way....but anxiety fogged up a lot of the good times...fogged up a lot of the hope...fogged up desires....fogged up passions....fogged up purpose, etc. I was a walkin', talkin', breathin', livin' (and panicking) fog machine.

it is a reconditioning of the mind something I can't take for granted.

I am thankful for 'everday life' - everyday:) I take little for granted, as well, when it comes to me continuing to move down my healing path for my mental health. This path has no "End of Road Ahead" sign...and I accept this:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

[floridaguy65]

Ironically,  its working within a corporate psychology company. The role I am doing is notoriously stressful.  I also hear and see a lot of upsetting things on a daily basis... I.e people self harming, destructive behaviour.... you get my drift.  Dealing with these people can be challenging for most but for me it feels like it is too close to home right now, they may come into the office visibly upset and it can be hard to not let it get to you.

I would think, being in that type of work, that you could discuss your current situation with your boss. The basis of your company is to help peeps who are struggling with some mental health issues. Of course, we don't like to discuss our own issues, most often, with our employer as we feel we might be 'labeled' somehow. I would definitely talk with your boss instead of sending text messages. I know you see it as a stressful event, but my feeling is that more good will come from this talk than you continuing to avoid your current situation. Perhaps (likely) you will feel better...though I know you don't see it that was now, as you are locked into a fear cycle these days.

I took on the role not knowing as much as I probably should have, its extremely demanding and you are always chasing your tail no matter what.

Most of how we feel about nearly everything, when struggling, is filtered through our amped up anxiety. Try to keep this in mind when making desicions about your future. It's tough, I know. We can often regret, down the road a little bit, allowing our anxiety trials determine our course of actions. Of course, it happens, though, when we are floundering a bit. You have to try to weigh out what is best...and try to be secure in your desicion, as best as possible. Your overall well-being is what matters most, of course, but that doesn't always mean 'giving in' to anxiety.

I am 25 and live with my partner (emigrated 2 years ago) so have no family around me here. I have friends but they do not all understand what I am battling.

You're young and overall healthy. Wonderful. Keep telling yourself that you ARE healthy:)

Financially speaking, this HA is really taking its toll, between medical bills, Counselling etc.

Yes, HA bleeds over into MANY areas of our lives. Financial strain causes extra stress in our lives. Another reason to move away from medical intervention...it is costly a lot of the time.

I do go to cbt sessions but not as often as needed because basically, I just cannot afford the 150 dollar an hour fees.

Yes, $$ matters can hamper us. You can learn how to do a lot of the stuff you learn in couseling on your own, too. Self-help will likely be your best, most powerful measures in your lifetime.

I have improved since I started on this horrible journey,  but I have a long way to go yet.

I have been moving well down my healing path for many years now. And, I, too, have a long way to go:) It's a lifetime journey....but that simply doesn't have to be a daunting proposition, at all. It CAN be when we are struggling, though, as we feel we just might never get our ship righted. You CAN:)

PEace and Feel Well:)

[tinam7]

FG, you're the best, contributing so very much. Here, in fact, is an example of the best potential the process of posting presents. The truth is the phrase just slipped out as much due to the title of the thread as my years of posting and working on my problems.

Many of us are a jumble of the past and thoughts/worries about the future and in the process we squander the moment. In meditation I try to condition myself to be "in the moment." The past may want to haunt us, the future is an unknown, but there is today. With this thread,  brainstorming, your reactions, the possibilities of everyday are given new awareness, new appreciation. When we are not watching, not alert, they slip away so easily.

[JuneFly37]

Hi Tasha,

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Tina & FloridaGuy have given you some great advice. I wanted to put my two cents in because I've had some experience with what you're going through:

Is there something about this specific job that gets to you? Was there a particular client or case you dealt with that threw you for a loop? It sounds like you're working in a very high stress field. I know that anxiety can be there, even without a real trigger, but in my experience, whenever I panicked about going to work, there was something about that work that kept me from leaving the house. Years ago, I was in a job that felt like it was going nowhere and provided not nearly the compensation I needed or felt I deserved. I was frustrated and angry but instead of acknowledging that, I had panic attacks before work that prevented me from leaving the house. Sometimes our real feelings are hard to deal with, so they come out as panic instead.

You also mention that you have recently emigrated? That in itself can be very overwhelming. Is there something you miss from the place you were before? My therapists have always suggested I try to remember or recreate what was most comforting about an easier time in my life. Photos of loved ones, a hobby, etc.

It sounds like you are really working on your anxiety, even if this is a minor set back. They happen. Talking it out, venting, can be a wonderful help.

- June

[tasha 87]

Thank you all so much for your kind words

I will take all your advice on board.

 I  am just trying to deal with this on a day to day basis, feeling very frustrated right now.