Lost

[kes2010]

Just wanted to share an odd experience that I've been feeling lately.

Nothing feels right anymore. I am happy. I love my kids, wife, family.....but it all just seems pointless to me. I just turned 43 and life is passing far too quickly and I can't stop it. I have good times.....I do indeed love my life. I just don't have enough of it. I want my youth back.

I just found out last weekend that they found a nodule on my dad's lung and just yesterday I discover they found one on his thyroid as well. I'm scared to death, but I feel numb. I'm gonna be sad no doubt if this turns out to be bad......but I'm numb. It's, an odd feeling. To care deeply and not care at the same time.

Just had to get some of this out as I can't tell anyone in my life. To be clear........I am in no way suicidal, I just feel hopeless. If you have thoughts on the matter great, if not then that is fine too. 

[Pippy187]

Hey Kes,


I completely get how you feel... I cannot believe how quickly life flies by.  I get hopeless feelings all the time, which lead to anxiety.... An evil cycle for me.  You're not alone.

[LindaRK]

You're depressed.  But you have probably already figured that out.  Maybe not.

I'll be 56 in May.  I started feeling like you did in my early-mid 40's. I think some of it is completely natural.  We're aging .... our youth is lost and we look back and us, being who we are (depressed/anxious) tend to focus on the negative or that which we lost and didn't accomplish.

I've spent the last 10 years taking care of my parents - just my mom now.  She is now in an assisted living facility, but for me it's incredibly hard to go there.  I don't want to be around elderly people with disabilities or health issues.  It is so depressing and it represents death to me.  I ration my visits because of this.

I think you need to be realistic about how you are feeling.  If it's interfering with your life, get some therapy or talk to your doc about medication to help you manage your depression.

[howifeel]

Kes,
Nice to hear from you. So many males are not willing to be up front like you are. Yes, time flies indeed. Our bodies change. It becomes a reality that we are going to have to face the process of our bodies giving out on us. I don't know about you, but I assess, "How long ago was I 20? Now let's paste that time on the future. So that is how close I am to being X age. Seems a blink of an eye. If that's the case, it's almost over!" A life of service seems to help most. Give, give and give some more. We are all one diagnosis away. I've never known someone on their death bed say, "Darn, I shouldn't have given so much!" For males, age 46 is the number one age for mid life crisis. Great time to turn on the spirituality, and forget about the toys and comfort (those things I've always wanted in life). Lots of my own opinion though.

[Encore]

You are definitely not alone.  And I know that feeling.  It truly is the depression.  At one point, it was all I could do to sit in a chair and breathe.  I just didn't care.  About anything.  I didn't even care enough to do anything about not caring.  When I finally broke down and went to a doctor and talked about it, I was able to find help (I just talked to my GP at first).  It is truly a difficult and heartbreaking place to be and talking to people is never the wrong answer.