Inertia: I keep messing up my life.

[imesseditup]

I started messing up my life and I can't seem to stop. I'm supposed to be graduating from Community College in August with an Associates in Liberal Arts and Humanities, but I stopped showing up to my classes.  I'm not incapable of doing the work, I just completely stopped showing up!! I probably missed a lot of tests and assignments. I don't know why I got into the habit of not showing up to class... besides the fact that I really hate school. It should stand to reason that I would be working my butt off to actually get out and get my degree. I can't seem to get my 0103 together, and I'm scared. It keeps getting worse and I can't seem to change my actions, no matter how many self help books I read...

[kconnors]

Hi,

Okay, first, take a deep breath . . . you are not messing up life . . . life is a long stretch . . . you are experiencing something and I am not a med professional, but I used to teach college/university so I have seen a lot of students experience what you are going through.

Do you know why you started doing what you are doing? Are you concerned about what happens after you leave the safety of College life? Are you worried about getting a job? Did something happen in your personal life? Do you have a support system among friends or do you feel isolated?

Without knowing your triggers, I can only offer very general suggestions:

1.  You've already done #1 --- you have recognized that you have a problem. No kidding, this is the first and often the biggest step.

2.  You need to contact your professors immediately and I do mean immediately to explain the situation and to find out the impact of your absences and missed work will have. Some profs may allow you to make up the work; some profs may allocate those grades to the final exam. Until you ask, you will never know.

3.  You need to contact your Student Services immediately and find out what resources they have. You may be having a bout of anxiety+depression and Student Services should be able to do a couple of things: they should be able to intervene with your profs and ask for due accommodation to help you to get back on track and/or refer you to counseling. Self-help books are good for some folks, but it appears that you need one-to-one guidance to get back on track.

4.  Be prepared that you may have to "pay a price" for your decision to skip classes, etc. And, that is okay as long as you learn from the experience. This is a learning experience regardless of how difficult it may be. You may have to postpone graduation; you may have to retake classes; but, you need to find out what the challenges are before you can develop a program. This is nothing more than a learning experience. You will learn from it; you will become stronger because of it; and you will continue to be successful once you find out the why behind your actions. Look, I know of no one, myself included, that has not hit speed bumps professionally and personally.

5.  Do this stuff now . . . don't procrastinate . . . get a plan in place and follow through  . . . I don't know if you are dependent on parents for College, but if you are, make sure you let them know what is going on since it is there money keeping you in school . . . .if you are independent and self-sufficient, then be answerable to yourself and get moving before the school year ends . . . remember, it's not fair to request profs to make exceptions, if you do not contact them . . . there is no guarantee that exceptions will be made, but you need to have a plan and not leave asking to the last minute . . .

Please let us know how you are doing . . . . and everything can be unraveled given time and effort and even the worse perceived messes can be resolved . . . .chat with you soon . . .take care, kc

[imesseditup]

Thanks. This calmed me down immensely!! I think i need to finish school on my own time. In the meantime, there's still time to drop my classes if i can't make up the work. I need to talk to my teachers... and my parents... Oy!

[kconnors]

Hi  . . .glad I could be of support . . . .there are many ways to complete courses including self-paced online courses, part-time studies if you are working, etc. etc. The best that you can do is to talk to profs and parents, explain the situation, and work through the events one by one. Your well being is and should be first and foremost . . . everything else will fall into place as you recover your health . . . keep in touch if you can . . . take care, kc