I'm sorry. I'll try not to make this very long but I don't think I can help it and I really, really need someone's help.
This weekend, my best friend came up to visit and we stayed in a hotel. We had a wonderful time. I had a panic attack once on Saturday night, but she helped me through it and we had so much fun.
The panic attack came really suddenly, and usually I don't really know what causes it, but this time while I was panicking all I could think about was that something bad was going to happen to her. Apparently when I got at my worst I was just sobbing out a jumbled mess about all the things that could happen to her to prevent me from ever seeing her again. "Car crash, falling down and hitting your head, walking into the crosswalk, getting hit with something, you could get jumped on your way home, or...." etc etc etc.
Well after she calmed me down, we went to bed. When we woke up this morning, she whimpered a little and said she felt like she needed to throw up. I asked if she needed me to hold her hair back but she said no. She went into the bathroom and I fell back asleep. When I woke up, she was sitting on her bed and holding the back of head. I went over and she had a bump literally the size of a softball. She said that she had no idea what happened, that she thinks she passed out and hit her head on the edge of the bathtub. She called her mom and told her, because her mom was going to come up and get her anyway, and then we waited and put some ice on it until her mom could take her to the hospital. She started feeling a little more "with it" I guess, but she went to the bathroom to throw up a few more times. The last time she went in, I heard a loud thump and she didn't come back out. So I called her name, and them screamed it, and ran in.
She was lying facedown on the floor. Her hair was covering her face and her head was under the sink and her legs were at odd angles. I bent down and shook her, but she didn't respond. She was breathing so shallowly at first that I couldn't feel it at all and I thought she was dead. After I started sobbing and shaking her enough, she came to. Her mom took her to the hospital.
I'm sorry. That was longwinded.
The point of all that is this:
All my fears have been validated, and now I've been having multiple panic attacks every hour all day because I have never been so scared in my entire life. I feel like it was my fault, because I fell asleep the first time and maybe I could have helped her...
I'm in between panic attacks right now, but I feel another one coming on and I just want them to stop, I want them to stop but I can't and I need help because I am just so scared. Someone please tell me what to do. Pleasepleaseplease. I know she's okay now, but now I feel like there are too many bad things and they're all going to happen and too many and I ust need help. Please.