Re: Please don't google.

[JuneFly37]

My therapist won't even forbid me from Googling. Apparently, in the One-Step-at-a-Time recovery plan, the "Not Googling" step is for more advanced folks.

I think we do it to have control over something, anything. It feels so helpless to be in pain and feel weak and impaired, and it feels just as helpless when you can't fix it.

But, my problem is that I do have symptoms, which are real and unresolved. When I look up my symptoms, only the worst things appear. Is that because Google puts them on top? It can't only be that, because, believe me, I've looked at pages upon pages, searching for more benign causes.  Or is it because my symptoms are particular to the worst illness? I'm told a few of the more benign things were ruled out by laboratory and clinical testing. To me, that only leaves the most terrible disease.

To paraphrase that Dr's adage - don't they rule out horses before looking for a zebra? So, if they say it isn't a horse, does that mean I'm a zebra, and they're just waiting until my symptoms progress to the point that it's obviously a zebra?

I'm terrified about my physical problems. Sometimes it feels so lonely, thinking no one even believes them because of my hypochondriac tendencies. Maybe we google to feel less lonely, because, well, that's what brought me here.

[sixpack]

I think your therapist is incorrect.  Unless your therapist figures forbidding won't do you any good anyway.  I mean your therapist isn't your mom.

We anxious always find reasons to engage in bad habits that aid and abet our thinking disorders.   so as long as you google your symptoms, you will not get to feeling better.

we all have REAL symptoms.  that is what anxiety does to a body---produce REAL symptoms.  doesn't mean those REAL symptoms are from a dire disease.


you go ahead and deal with your anxiety how you see fit.  IMO, if that includes googling you won't get on your healing path ANY time soon.

[sixpack]

btw--This is my "neuro" symptoms I've had.  these can last for just moments or MONTHS.   were they all anxiety?  who knows?  likely a good bit of it was normal body noise that I took notice of and started connecting dots which only made my symptoms worse and more numerous.


 *Shocking pain down thigh and left arm--due to herniated disks
*Sciatica pain--due to stress and the disks
*back pain
*hip pain
*numbing and tingling over various parts of my body--fingers/toes/hands/feet/back/legs/stomach/groin etc
*tense muscles
*cramping muscles---feet/hands/hips/shins
*Twitching/spasms---all over my body.  My right thigh sometimes twitches quite hard--the entire muscle                                       
*vibrating/buzzing limbs
*muscles feel weak/fatigued/heavy
*patches of skin or limbs that feel wet
*burning skin or chilled skin
*vision--jumpy eyes (not eyelid twitching, though I've had that), blurry vision, floaters (which have ZERO to do with MS), sore aching eyes, pain behind eye orbits
*sore aching muscles and joints--name a muscle and a joint and it's hurt me
*headaches---that just won't go with meds
*sharp/shooting/jabbing pains down my arms or legs or stomach or head
*dizziness--sometimes mild; sometimes I've been off balance.  Once it was a 'dizzy day'-I spent most in bed
*head feeling swirly
*jolting awake, trouble sleeping, waking with a panic feeling
*forgetfulness
*trouble saying words--saying the wrong word repeatedly
*face pain--primarily my right side of face--pressure
*TMJ pain
*ear pain
*trouble swallowing
*Stress incontinence--buy hey I've birthed quite a few kids
*very fatigued/tired
*trouble sleeping
*when anxious--fast movements muck with my eyes--makes me somewhat dizzy/headache--ie.  watching the page on the computer scroll down

want to add:  that sometimes my symptoms would be located only in spots that I was concerned about.  ie:  only my left leg or right arm.... you know depending on what disease my mind could most easily fit it into

JUST because a body has "symptoms" doesn't mean you are dying from some horrid disease.

[colls22]

sixpack - do you also get the internal vibration/tremor? like if I sit or lay really still, I can feel myself shaking very finely. if i'm describing it correctly. perhaps this is what you meant by vibrating in a limb...

this one is really freaking me out right now. can feel it in both of my arms, but especially the arm that concerns me. not to mention most of my twitches are happening in the arm and leg that concern me. while they still happen everywhere else too, they are much more frequent in the left arm/shoulder & shoulder blade, and leg.

[sixpack]

sixpack - do you also get the internal vibration/tremor? like if I sit or lay really still, I can feel myself shaking very finely. if i'm describing it correctly. perhaps this is what you meant by vibrating in a limb...

this one is really freaking me out right now. can feel it in both of my arms, but especially the arm that concerns me. not to mention most of my twitches are happening in the arm and leg that concern me. while they still happen everywhere else too, they are much more frequent in the left arm/shoulder & shoulder blade, and leg.

yes I've had that.   when I'm living anxiously it will happen.  If I get terribly stressed with LIFE, it will happen.  Doesn't scare me anymore.  I know what my body is capable of and how it will react to stress.   I hadn't be surprised for a long time by what my body could do in reaction to stresss until I developed the retinopathy in my eye in January.   A body/mind can only take so much before it starts reacting....

[hypomom]

Colls22 I get this too! Most often first thing in the morning if I'm startled awake.

Sixpack : thank you for this reply. I needed it today. I have had TERRIBLE twitching and have begun to deep down worry about asl ( I keep using self talk to not panic about it. ) Funny, I NEVER had twitching before I read a book and the main character had als

[sixpack]

Colls22 I get this too! Most often first thing in the morning if I'm startled awake.

Sixpack : thank you for this reply. I needed it today. I have had TERRIBLE twitching and have begun to deep down worry about asl ( I keep using self talk to not panic about it. ) Funny, I NEVER had twitching before I read a book and the main character had als

that's my OLLLLLLD list of symptoms that I posted a lot a couple of years ago. By the time posted it, I knew they were not from some nasty illness.  I wasn't even having them at the time BUT had them when I was stressed or anxiety was running me rampant. I dug it up a couple of weeks back to show a new member what anxiety did to me physically.


btw--twitching if or when it occurs with ALS, despite what you may have read,  comes well into the disease OR when you have other substantial issues going---------after muscle wasting and inability to use the limbs, after you been dx'd.

twitching is more often than not just nerves getting nervy.  If i twitch, so WHAT?  ain't no big thang..........  well unless I make it a big thang.

[JuneFly37]

I wasn't even having them at the time BUT had them when I was stressed or anxiety was running me rampant.

Does anybody else notice that your symptoms are worst when you're not feeling anxious? I had a good long stretch of no physical symptoms a couple months ago. My only anxiety was unrelated to my health. Then, BAM. I wonder if it's my head telling me: "Don't get too comfy!"

[sixpack]

MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level.  JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed.  It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.

and some other stuff I mention to the newer members:

another message I sent to a member a while back may have some helpful info:

it is pretty easy to let the symptoms scare the crap out of you and easy to attribute all manner of horrors to these things.

one of your questions was: "so what, just because you feel these things at least they are not life-threatening",    I would look at like this:  if the symptom actually, physically prevents you from doing things, then you need to look at it as something a doc should check out.  IF it is something like twitching or sore muscles or muscles feel weak or fatigued but they still carry you around then, you should just say "hey this doesn't feel good but it can't stop me from doing my daily tasks or job or hobby or what have you. And say "I will not let my fear of these symptoms stop me".

As I alluded in a post earlier today about my first fall into the pit in '97, I had to do that to get myself out of it.  I had all the med tests and was seeing a therapist.  They wanted to put me on meds but I was nursing my daughter and, at the time, SSRIS were not given to nursing mothers.  I finally decided that I had two choices:  1. sit around in fear waiting for MS (that was my fear at the time) to slowly remove my life from me or 2. TAke charge of this anxiety.  So what I did was delve head first into a huge gardening project.  Turns out it helped a great deal because it REALLY took my mind off of my bodily sensations.  This allowed my mind to calm down and thereby allowed my body to relax.  It wasn't over night.  It took several weeks.  During that time I didn't monitor the symptoms that I had been having NON_STOP for months---ie twitching, face pain, arm pain, leg pain, numbness, tingling, shooting pains, jerking limbs.....   there were many more but you get the idea 

What is your thing?  IDK.  I didn't know gardening was my thing until I tried it.  Turns out I'm damn**  good at it AND it was so engrossing to me that I didn't even have time to think about my symtpoms... which, imo, is key....

I eventually got into some other things:

volunteering.  I got heavy into several things at my church... social responsiblity sorts of things---helping the sick (AIDS person), the poor, those who suffered miscarriages or other woman issues dealing with children.  I also got every envolved with our neighborhoods homeowner's association:  ie the welcome committee, social concerns committee, neighborhood socials (helped with planning parties for the 'hood) and I served on the board.

we've since moved so I'm not so involved where we live presently.  However I do volunteer with a dogrescue...

So my suggestion for things to do are:

hobbies----crafting, gardening, scrapbooking, jewelry making ( I had a douzy of a headache last week that advil didn't help----made a couple of pair of ear-rings and the tension headache went away)
volunteer work..... lots of organizations you could help out in
exercise:  I walk my dog 1 1/2 miles----to 2 miles a day.  today was rainy and I was running my kids all over so not much of a walk today... poor dog
eat right-----yeah I SUCK at this one, myself.  Although I did have a nice shrimp bisque which only had about 300 cal today...


I am not symptom-less.  When I experience anxiety/stress symptoms now, however, I don't look to disease X.  I look at what is going on in my life that is causing them.  At this point you are likely not able to find A stressor.  THis is, inpart, due to the fact that you are in the anxiety cycle of:  fear/stress/symptoms/fear.....  However once you are able to reduce your stress using a variety of tools, your mind will calm down and things will get easier and you will be able to manage this without BEASTY taking you for a ride.

you can get better though, you can.   

   


and again:

   adding to that some other posts to another member a while back:




I certainly don't have all of the answers.

however think about it-------------what causes us pain in our bodies?  I mean what controls how we feel pain?   It is our brain/nerves right?  When we fall and scrape our knee, we feel pain because our nerves send signals to the brain, the brain interprets it and says, "I'm hurt".   This a normal thing.  Our brain interprets stuff and tells the nerves to send a pain signal back to our knee and then we feel the pain.   Our brain and nerves are powerful buggers. 

Let's say there is a bear approaching.............  what happens---- we become hyper aware.  we get the fight or flight so we can survive.  We get all those lovely adrenal surges......  We have to survive.  That is all well and good.

now what happens if we have our thinking go awry?  What happens when we are stressed?  what happens if the stress isn't relieved or realized?  Our brains gets wiggy!!!!  THis causes fight/flight all of the time---sometimes at a high level and sometimes at a lower level.  but doesn't matter really cuz now we are "clicked" on the ON position.  We never are truly relaxed.  Our "fight/flight" brain is always switched on to some extent.  THis leaves a body sensitized----muscles are tight, nerves are over reactive (which causes burning/tingling/buzzing) our organs aren't running optimally (ie digestions slows or speeds up).

when these goes unchecked we get in that cycle of fear-------which came first the chicken or egg? 

bottom line our brains control our bodies.  If our brain is scared or stressed or whatever, it doesn't send out nice calm rational signals to our bodies.  Our bodies don't question the brain.  the brain is THE MASTER.....  Our bodies just react.  That is why the answer to feeling better doesn't come from treating the physical but the mental.

and why do you only have symptoms that come and go?  well some peeps have stuff all the time.  Some have them come and go and some have a combo of the two.  Guess it depends on the individual.





AND





sometimes anxiety symptoms are relieved when one is TRULY occupied.  BUT remember a body has to be relaxed for a while before a body calms down.  So one cannot expect the brain to say----oh I"m working now and I'll just forget that I'm a mess really and give up on the aches and pains."    anxiety doesn't really have an on/off switch.

Personally speaking:

back in '97 I got very involved in gardening.  I mean really involved.  It took about 2 or 3wks working up some new garden beds.  in the end I noticed most of my symptoms were either gone or diminished.  But I had an extended amount of time in which I wasn't monitoring.

I've also had times when I've been stressed and decided----Okay I'm going to get involved in something to get my symptoms to go away.  guess what?  it doesn't work then.  cuz, on some level I'm still monitoring.

a year ago I was having, what I knew were stress/anxiety related headaches.  THey were pretty bad.  Well one day I went to help out at a dog rescue.  I walked 7 or 8 dogs over a period of two hours or so.  When I arrived, I had a headache.  At the end I got in the car and drove away with the realization that the headache was gone.  Within 5 minutes it was back.  YEAH can you believe that.

Had the same sort of thing on Monday with a headache.  took my dog to her training class with a headache... left without one.  believe it or not taking my dog to obedience class relieved it.

I've even had gardening or exercise that has made me more shaky

YES I am a mixed bag of tricks like most people I imagine.


JUST like any physical malady, a mental malady needs REAL time to heal   Unlike a physical malady though, with the mental WE have to make the DECISION to heal by changing our actions/thinking/behavior and continue to work on it even when it is hard.    Personally I believe mental issues are more difficult than getting through physical issues   **although I'm getting pretty SICK of this toe thing I've had probs with since mid may.....  I'm getting tired of changing my usual routines to accomodate it***     



thing is there are no easy do 1, 2, 3 and off you go.  This takes time.  Even more than that, imo, there is no cure to anxiety but more of changing your reactions and mindset.  That doesn't mean one is miserable. It means that one must be cognizant that anxiety can, if allowed, take over during times of stress.  Then all it will do is sit back  and LIE and watch the spin.          

 

[MrMoleHill]

Then, BAM. I wonder if it's my head telling me: "Don't get too comfy!"

Unfortunately, I get this exact internal dialogue also. I hate it. "Don't get too comfy!"

"Your'e feeling fine today...Something must be wrong...It's just the calm before the storm." Etc.

With me, I think there's a level of guilt that comes from actually being well, but knowing that others do really suffer.  I mean, how can we dare be happy and live well, knowing there are innocent kids dying of cancer at the local children's hospital?

What a life 

[sixpack]

I wrote a looooooooooooong post a while back with the opinion that MOST health anxiety is not really about health.......  oh when we start shake rattling and rolling we think about health then..............  but, imo, most health anxiety is really a cover for other things going on in our lives.  often, for whatever, reason we will think it is easier to be dying of something rather than dealing with financial issues or relationship issues or whatever uncomfy thing that is going on in our lives.......


AND realize our bodies react to stress and anxiety.  A person who is anxious about college or a new job or a divorce will STILL twitch or buzz or cramp or have palps or have digestive issues.  Our bodies don't discern why our minds are amped up, it only reacts to the brain's signals.


here is a recent thread of mine:  http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,67619.0.html

at the bottom of that OP, I have my "as I see it" link.

[JuneFly37]

Thanks, SixPack! I appreciate the feedback & wisdom.
My doc has a wooden statue of a person she grabs whenever I'm feeling anxious to remind me that I'm not made of wood.

I do have a doctor's app't to address some issues I've been having, which scare me immensely, so I am trying to get to the bottom of the physical part of this at least. I'm still working through the emotional/mental parts. I also know my reactions are more amplified than others'. My fiance is the kind of person that even when he is sick, he doesn't worry. I wonder if he even notices! My anxiety's been going on for almost two years. When a bout of it recurs, I can't remember what it feels like to not be worried.

[wegngis]

sixpack - do you also get the internal vibration/tremor? like if I sit or lay really still, I can feel myself shaking very finely. if i'm describing it correctly. perhaps this is what you meant by vibrating in a limb...

this one is really freaking me out right now. can feel it in both of my arms, but especially the arm that concerns me. not to mention most of my twitches are happening in the arm and leg that concern me. while they still happen everywhere else too, they are much more frequent in the left arm/shoulder & shoulder blade, and leg.

I absolutely get this!  It's not so much shaking, as how a person can shake when cold.  This is like an internal oscillation that resides in my upper torso and arms.  It is undetectable to anyone else.  I feel like I pulse at 3-4 times per second.  I have no other explanation other than anxiety.

[shakymcgee]

sixpack - do you also get the internal vibration/tremor? like if I sit or lay really still, I can feel myself shaking very finely. if i'm describing it correctly. perhaps this is what you meant by vibrating in a limb...

this one is really freaking me out right now. can feel it in both of my arms, but especially the arm that concerns me. not to mention most of my twitches are happening in the arm and leg that concern me. while they still happen everywhere else too, they are much more frequent in the left arm/shoulder & shoulder blade, and leg.

I have this internal vibration as well. It really sucks. I find that it often happens upon waking, or trying to sleep. Sometimes it feels so violent that I can't believe no one can see it! When it first started happening I freaked out and of course, hit up google. Worst idea. My doctor had much more reassuring input.