Constant anxiety

[ermand]

I've has this for over 5 years now....I somehow managed to get a gf even with my problem, and we have been together for almost 2 years. I have anxiety from the minute i wake up until the minute I go to sleep, everyday, for 5 years. I worry about every single thing that is happening...I saved up 20k  at my old job and had to quit because the anxiety was getting very bad. I have been unemployed for over a year and my money has dwindled away to nothing now because I am too afriad to get another job. I have almost no memory whatsoever. My entire day feel like im just in autopilot and everything is very foggy and distant. I can't remember simple things and it is putting a lot of strain on my relationship.

I have an immense pressure buildup in my head because of all the worry....lately I have been seeing vivid images of myself being shot in the head and having the pressure in my head finally go away for once. My entire life has been taken over by this...I dropped out of school and I cannot work because of it now.  There hasnt been any relief for me besides the heavy abuse of alcohol which would relieve the anxiety for the night, so I use that to medicate the problem.

It is just getting to me a lot the last few days so I needed to come here and vent a little.

[Bettie]

Hey, welcome to the forum and feel free to vent!

Thought I would reply to this as it did remind me a lot of my old self. Particularly the alcohol bit... not the 20k in the account bit unfortunately!

Self medicating with alcohol to deal with anxiety is a big no-no! It will eventually make your anxiety worse, not to mention health and personal relationship damage. You sound like you are a capable and responsible person and no doubt you know that heavy drinking is not the right way forward.

Anxiety puts up mental barriers preventing us from doing things, especially work. You need to take steps to break down those barriers and regain control. There are a lot of people in the same boat on this site and there is some great advice.

Perhaps start with cutting down the drink to start with. You may find that once you have been drink free for a couple of weeks, combined with doing some positive activities, the pressure in your head will begin to disappear (hangovers will exacerbate the issue). And your memory will improve too as it did mine. 

Talk to your girlfriend about it if you haven't already done so. If she knows you have a drink problem but you are looking to stop, no doubt she can offer some support.

But good luck, there is always light at the end of the tunnel!

[SADCharlotte]

Your loss of memory and concentration speaks a lot to me, you aren't alone. I also suffer from anxiety issues. I find it extremely hard to remember things, my mind goes blank during a task, or someone will tell me something and then a minute later I'm finding myself asking them what they just said, a few times. Or I'll be talking to someone and my brain will just shut down, I'll lose my train of thought and what i was saying. I find holding information really hard when I'm at my most anxious, especially holding a conversation as well.

Usually, when I'm like this. I find being on my own and closing everything off and bringing all my attention to my inside helps a lot. I block everything off going on around me and just breathe... I count to 10 in my head. Breathe deeply and sometimes, though not every time, the feeling of anxiety will lesson and I'll find concentrating in the next moments a little better. This isn't a cure, it may not even work. But it's something you may like to try if you haven't already.