Feeling like I have to act overly nice all the time?

[Phaseshiftr]

Hey friends... I have many different kinds of anxiety. Panic attacks, you name it. But, social anxiety just kills me sometimes. I wanted to see if I was the only one who does this. Is it a part of anxiety?

Every time I talk to someone I act overly nice. I am a very nice person in general, and love to help other people. It's just I always seem to go overboard. Like I think if I don't act super SUPER nice and happy, and smiling all the time, people will think I am upset at them or something like that. It's pretty draining. My voice goes up and squeaks sometimes... I been made fun of for that. So it must be noticeable. I am starting to wonder if I am showing more anxiety to other people by acting more nice than I usually am.

Like I said I am a VERY nice guy in general. I am not having an ego or anything, saying I am the nicest guy out there or something... It's just I go way over the top with the niceness. It's like a fear others will think I hate them if I don't act like the happiest, nicest guy in the world. It's almost like putting on a show. I wish I could just be calm and nice, and talk in a relatively more monotone voice. Instead of talking like Mickey Mouse and putting on a show of extreme niceness.

I think people pick up on it... How can I overcome this? This has always been hard for me.

[bruxby]

Yeah, this is something I have gone through as well. You have to try to be more comfortable and secure in your own behaviour and with your feelings. It's tough when you are actually upset but you are in a work or different kind of situation where you can't have an outburst. But part of it comes down to how you deal with your emotions, thoughts, and other issues that you experience on a daily basis. The main thing you might be dealing with is fear of rejection from others. But sometimes you realize that others might reject you regardless of how nice you are. It may not even be your fault. So, try to be more true to yourself and let others know more of your real opinions and feelings. That is a part of building relationships because there are ups and downs along the way but it will be much more meaningful if you can truly be yourself.

Good luck and take care

[shakymcgee]

Is there anyone that you can act totally genuine with, and not have to worry about being super nice? Like a family member or good friend? If so, maybe try taking note of your thoughts as feelings while you are talking to them and compare those thoughts/feelings to a time when you are doing the "overly nice" thing. Try to apply the same sense of calm and confidence in that situation. If you are concerned about people not liking you if you are not super nice, you need to learn to be ok with the fact that some people just wont like you. You are a genuinely nice guy. If they don't like you, it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. So you couldn't convince them to like you no matter what you did. I do this super nice thing as well, but as a female, I feel like it comes from a different place. Like an automatic urge to submit or smile and laugh, for fear of being considered a "b*tch" or inadequately feminine.

[Gigi123]

YES! I totally suffer from exactly the same thing. I have worked on it as well, I realized I can still be "nice" but tone it down. I thought of examples of other people I know who aren't "overly nice" and I still would label them as kind and nice. It's more in your actions and what you say instead of how you say it. It does get better as you care less about what others think of you. It comes from not wanting anyone to think badly of you. We just tend to over do it,hehe

[robinbird]

I am so surprised I saw this....I do the exact same thing. Even with family most the time I feel like I have to be super nice because I think if I just talk normal and say normal things nobody will like me or I will sound offensive. It is sooooo draining doing this because I'm not being myself....I'm not too sure who I am but its not the fake super nice person. and I totally know what you mean...I'm a very nice girl and I don't mean to sound snobby or like I have a big ego either, but I like to think I am and I like to think others think so too, but I would like to just be myself and have people think I'm nice and actually like me for me...but I'm too afraid nobody will like me......im so stuck right now....