Hello everyone! New here :)

[ShaylaNicole]

Hi everyone, I stumbled upon this forum by googeling my anxiety symptoms (per usual ) I developed this severe anxiety shortly after my uncle passed away suddenly late last year. It didn't start until a good month after his passing now it has just boiled over and I'm afraid I won't be able to contain it. I've had these crazy symptoms leading me to believe I can drop dead any second, which keeps me on edge! I was never like this before, I had the occasional anxiety but nothing I couldn't control. But this time, I've had to leave work because I would break down into tears in the middle of my shift (not convenient for a server!), I can barely go anywhere or be at home without anyone being there with me.  My Dr put me on Paxil first, which made me even more anxious, I'm currently trying Wellbutrin, which I was on before for depression, but the anxiety hasn't fully subsided so when I see the Dr. next I'm going ask about Xanax (which seems to do wonders for a lot of people) and ask for a EKG b/c I'm still certain something it wrong with my heart 

I said all that to say this, I'm so relieved that I've found this forum. It's just nice to know that I'm not going crazy and I'm not alone. I love meeting new people and sharing experiences so feel free to talk to me :)

[JuneFly37]

Hi ShaylaNicole,

I'm new here too. My father passed away last year and my anxiety, which was barely noticeable before, has been crazy ever since. I've just started an anti-anxiety medication because I don't react well to antidepressants.
I totally understand the work thing - I've had panic attacks before and even during work. Do the people you spend time with know about and understand your anxiety? What is your support system like?

I was really close with my father and he spent a long time sick (most of my early adult life) but he died very suddenly. I have a lot of health anxiety (whether or not my health problems are real). Anxiety mixed with grief is probably the hardest type to get over (or so my therapists have told me), but I seem to have lulls when I'm not as anxious as usual.
I had been feeling better for a few months and now I'm in the thick of it again.

Glad to talk to someone. Hopefully we can help each other out.

- June

[ShaylaNicole]

Hi June! My mom knows and understands my anxiety, and she's being really patient with me, I can't thank her enough. My boyfriend is starting to become more understanding as well. So although I have a pretty nice support system, I still can't help shake the feeling that I'm in this myself, ya know?

I'm so sorry to hear about your fathers passing. I was very close to my uncle as well. My therapist told me the same thing, grief and anxiety is one big struggle. Basically, she said I have to work on the grieving process first, because that's what started the anxiety in the first place. It's so hard, but I know eventually I'll get back to my old self again. I just feel like it's going to take forever. I've recently developed health anxiety, because my symptoms of general anxiety have scared the crap out of me. It's a vicious circle...

I look forward to having many conversations with you, and maybe we can get each other out of this rut! Can never have a big enough support group!

[JuneFly37]

I think that unless someone else has the exact same feelings or the same type of anxiety we have, we feel lonely in our heads. My fiance is very supportive, but he gets frustrated at times, telling me over and over he thinks I'm fine, even though I don't believe him.

I'm having a hard time with the grieving process. It's been over a year and I feel like a completely different person. I used to be, well, more interesting! I did more things because I wasn't overwhelmed with fear. A few years ago, I went through an episode of post-traumatic stress. I wonder if this is a renewal of that following my father's death? The only difference is, I got over that pretty quickly. I felt it and a few months later, it dissolved. I was back to my usual self. Then, my dad died. At first, I was a mess of emotions. Now I feel numb, except for anxiety and sadness over my physical ailments.

Sometimes this gets so frustrating! That's the part I can't explain so well to my fiance - if he's frustrated of hearing this stuff from me, imagine how frustrated I am going through it.

[ShaylaNicole]

It's funny that you mention you and your fiancé today because me and my BF got into a little tiff this morning about this. Just like you said, they're very supportive but they get frustrated and it's not what we need! We want to get better! We want to feel "normal" again but it takes time. My BF thinks it will all just go away in a matter of days or weeks, and I told him it doesn't work that way. I told him "I have a disorder, it's not something you can fix in a day"

As far as PTS and it resurfacing, thats a definitely possibility! Or, your fathers death just opened the gates to all the emotions you've been bottling up (stress, anger. etc). I know thats what has happened to me. My uncles passing was that trigger, and I feel like all the emotions I've been "stuffing" back down, just came out with a vengeance.

Question about the physical symptoms..did you or do you get burning in your chest, arm or back? Also, any heart palpitations?

[Feralbanana]

Thought I'd chime in too and say welcome. So sorry all this is happening and I hope this turns out to be a great supportive community. I'm new here as well. It's comforting to know you aren't alone.

When I met my husband I was an anxious mess but he was very supportive (even though he did get frustrated sometimes because I'd obsess on things, mostly health related). Even though they don't entirely understand I feel like its nice to have a voice of reason (because I can be pretty unreasonable). He can usually talk me down. I notice my anxiety gets worse if I try to hide it so having someone to talk to even if they don't 100% understand is great. No one, not even us will even understand because its such an individual thing.

I also obsess about my heart. It's scary and unfortunately worrying makes it worse. I get heart palpitations I worry so much. It's like a horrible cycle. The more heart palpitations I get the more I worry and then because I'm worrying they get more frequent. The physical symptoms can really be overwhelming sometimes.

[JuneFly37]

ShaylaNicole -
Have you and your boyfriend been together long-term? Even if you have, sometimes our obsessiveness to our bodies (even when something real is going on) can wear on them. I do understand why they get frustrated, even if their comments like "can't you just forget about your arm??" are completely naive to me. How could I possibly forget?
When did your uncle pass away? The sooner you deal with it (as long as you're ready to), the sooner it'll get under control. I didn't deal with my anxiety after my dad died right away, and the therapist I eventually saw said that likely made it a little harder to manage.

I think you're right about the flood gates opening up - when I had the first bout of PTSD, I was in a situation where I couldn't deal at all. I did swallow all my emotions.

As far as the physical, I have problems with shoulders, arms & hands. These do appear to be real, semi-diagnosed problems - doc's still trying to figure some things out. But, in the past year I've had a few other issues as well. I've had burning in my chest before, likely stress-related acid reflux. The reflux really screws with the way your heart feels. Mine used to pound in my throat until I thought it would come out of my mouth. Stress does a lot of things to the digestive system, not to mention your heart rate in general.


Feralbanana -
Hi & welcome to a fellow newbie. Heart palpitations are such a classic anxiety symptom. As a demonstration, my doctor once told me to start thinking about my breathing and my heart rate while I was sitting in her office. All of a sudden, my breath was heavy and my heart was pounding. Just paying attention to it made me feel that way!

It's great that your husband was so supportive from the get go. I always feel bad because when I met my fiance, I wasn't anxious and my physical symptoms hadn't yet arisen. About nine months in, my dad died, and all of a sudden, my then-boyfriend/now-fiance was dealing with a grieving, anxious mess of a woman.