I'm lost and scared

[beccahleigh]

I felt like I should post. Im sick of the panic attacks the overwheming feelings before and during and then the emptiness and numbness after. Im left feeling nothing. I dont no whats worse feeling too much or feeling nothing. The worse thing is Im waking up either frustrated or just sad. The frustration is hard to control and I get so wound up. Its so hard to calm down. The bad thing is at the minute is im trying to stay positive but it seems impossible. I'v hurt my wrist and had to hide it. I feel soo ashamed thats all i can say ashamed. But it was kind of a relief i dont no how or why but it was a release and seemed to calm me down, in a strange way. Even saying this who am I becoming? this isnt me. I just feel lost right now.

Becca

[HaileyAnn]

Please don't hurt yourself. Please. That won't help you, it'll just make everything so much worse. There are other ways to cope, okay? Healthier and safer ways. Stay strong. Look around on the internet for tips on what people do to calm themselves down and maybe try a few. You can handle this, okay? Remember to breathe.

[Bettie]

I'm sorry these panic attacks are getting you so down to the point where you feel you need to cut yourself. But please, please stop. Like Haileyann says, they will not help you one bit. After the initial 'high' or relief you get from cutting it will turn into negative feelings and you will feel lower than before.

Instead, channel the frustration into something more positive. You can start with doing something small and simple like just go for a walk if you feel it's getting a bit much.

Have you considered therapy or talked to a doctor about this? I think it would definitely be a good idea to see someone.

Just remember there is light at the end of the tunnel! You can beat this and it's tough in the beginning but I have no doubt you can get there.

[beccahleigh]

Thank you for you replies. I no the cutting was the wrong thing to do and i have done it again since. I'v only did it a couple of times but it feels addictive, i no that sounds stupid. The red marks and scars do just show me how bad this has got but yet theres still something that won't stop me. It seems impossible to be postive but im trying. Iv been trying different things the last week to calm me down when im frustrated or to just simply distract me. Reading seems to be working, or trying to have a hot bath or going for a walk. counting in my head also helps a little to calm me when im about to have a panic attack.

Im waiting to go to therapy, just waiting for an appointment, i had an asscement on the phone and now just waiting. The waiting is hard because im just hoping for the phone call. Its just hard understanding whats going on. I was going try and do some painting, see im at uni doing illustration so im very arty. But its just finding the energy. Lastnight I had a panic attack so have pins and needles today which are getting worse and still shaking now. Im trying not to panic. Im really grateful that you both replied, would you suggest anything else that might work? Have you experianced this too? i feel like i cant take much more lately. 

[Bettie]

Keep fighting the urge to cut yourself...I think you will find that after a couple of weeks of not doing it, the urges will lessen. And you will feel more positive about yourself.

I know it's so hard in the beginning to keep a positive attitude when all you're trying to do is keep your head mentally above water. I think it took me a good few months to actually put a name to what was happening, and then accepting it was just as difficult. But when I did and decided that I had to actively fight the anxiety, things got a lot easier. It probably took me a couple of months to get into a routine (babysteps with exposure therapy, healthy diet, exercise and a hobby) and whilst I'm still not there yet, I feel so much better in myself.

You've done the right thing getting therapy and try not to stress too much about the call, it will come. I would definitely recommend you do some art because it's a positive thing and something you are interested in. Start off with just something small and then build yourself up if you feel you don't have the energy. You might find that thanks to the panic attacks you end up making your best work:)

[HaileyAnn]

Hot baths and reading always help me. Trust me, hurting yourself will only make it worse.
Try this: To distract yourself, think of the last sentence you heard, and count out the syllables on your fingers until you end on your pinky. For example:
If you hear the sentence "Spider man is the best superhero". (I don't know, first thing that popped into my head ) You would start on your thumb and count "spi-der-man-is-the-best-su-per-he-ro." on your fingers. If you don't reach your pinky, you start on your index finger and count from there and then so on and so forth until you end on your pinky. Does that make sense?
It sounds so silly, but it REALLY helps distract me and calm me down.

[beccahleigh]

thanks so much. Its nice to no that most people have been here. The cutting needs to stop i no, my boyfriend hasnt noticed as we havn't seen each other in a while, in a way i want to tell him so he can understand but i don't no if it will freak him out and make things worse. I'm not sure. I'm trying to stay strong and im going do some art work of my own tomorrow if i can, like personal work too me, mabey it will help.

its nice to no that you understand. :)

[Bettie]

No problem, we're here to help each other where we can:)

If you feel that your boyfriend would be supportive of you at this time and perhaps check that you don't feel the need to cut, it would be worth telling him. When I went through a few things (drinking problem) I didn't tell my partner (although I think it was really obvious at the time that I had a problem) mainly out of shame. I dealt with it myself but part of me wishes I was brave enough to talk about it. But it's a completely personal decision.

I hope your art work went well and you had a better day today....it's always one step at a time!

[HaileyAnn]

To phrase it lightly, there was a point in my life where I had trouble making myself eat. I told my best friend, despite how scared I was that she would leave. Thanks to her help, I am completely recovered and we are still best friends. I think if you feel like it would help, tell him. People can surprise you sometimes.

[avnostlga]

Hailey,  To some extent we are all lost and scared.  Anxiety is just that way.  It may feel like this world of hurt just won't end while we are having an attack.  But it does.  The anxiety may not go away, but you WILL learn how to cope with it.  I have had anxiety for two years now, and my first truly bad panic attack two months ago.  My anxiety has yet to go away from that attack, but I still have to work, and eat, and take care of my housework, regardless of how I'm feeling.  I can not surrender to my anxiety.  I can't profess to have found an answer, but I can say that there are more days than not where I can actually enjoy my surroundings and friends now.  It took time, but I coped.  A mantra I repeat to myself over and over in my head is "Cope and maintain, cope and maintain...." Meaning "cope" with the situation immediately at hand, and "maintain" some semblance of normalcy while I am.

[Island]

You have the support here! We all cn help each other out