Hello everyone. I just joined this forum today. The last 48 hours have been NON STOP anxiety for me and it will continue to be that way for the next 3 months. On Friday evening I was out drinking with a group of people and I drank quite a bit. I ended up going home with a woman that I didn't know or have never met before. We ended up having intercourse and I failed to protect myself with a condom. That is the first time I have ever slept with a woman that I have never met or was not in a relationship with. Also the first time not wearing a condom. The minute I woke up Saturday morning and realized what I did, the anxiety started, and it hasn't stopped. I have convicved myself I have contracted HIV. I have no reason to believe this woman has any type of STD, let alone HIV. I come from a smaller community and the disease itself is not very prevelant here. But my mind will not let me rationalize anything and the anxiety is consuming me once again. And by consuming me, I mean 100% non-stop anxiety all morning, all afternoon, and all evening. My head is spinning at a million miles a minute. every thought entering my head is NEGATIVE. I cannot deal with it. The reason I say this is going to last for three months is that I have researched the testing of HIV and you cannot get tested for 3 months. I'm losing my mind. Since the anxiety is bad, it then in turn, makes my OCD off the charts. If I don't do the things that I do that come along with my OCD, I feel that will seal the fact that I have contracted HIV. Crazy eh? I found myself in the emergency room at the hospital yesterday awaiting to see a crisis counsellor. Since the wait ended up being so long, I left. I couldn't just sit there, my anxiety was too strong.
Again, I have no reason to believe this woman has any STD. I really don't know what to do. I'm crying all day long, and I really do feel like I am losing my mind. I am already thinking about what life is going to be with HIV. I feel sick to my stomach because of what I have done and I'm already thinking about what it's going to be like trying to go to work tomorrow morning. Someone please respond. I just need another like minded individual to talk to me. PLEASE
