I am putting this out to anyone who might know what this is..
On Thursday I had something similar to the panic attacks I get but at the same time it was completely different. There was a mouse in my workplaces kitchen. The lady running the kitchen at the time chased it out into the area where I was working. This resulted in everyone from my area chasing this little mouse to shoo it from the building (unfortunately including me). This little critter bounded around, trying to find a way out without success. We managed to get it to the end of a corridor which had an exit door leading out to the garden. As we got to the door to open it the mouse attempted to double back. The kitchen ladies foot came down in front of it and from what I could tell it was just burrowing into the nook between the wall and her shoe (it's legs were still moving). So I picked it up by its tail and attempted to gently whisk it out the door as quick as possible cause I didn't want it to bite me. When it landed it rolled a few times and just lay on its side. It had blood on its nose and mouth. (This is difficult for me to communicate). I instantly thought I had thrown it too hard and that it had landed on its head and that it would die. Then I saw bloody tricks from where it had rolled along the pavement. This brought my eyes to the pool of blood by the door. I realised she had stepped on its head and crushed its skull. When she picked up a broom I knew she was going to whack it into the bushes so I left. I went and washed my hands, completely fine, feeling a little bit guilty, a little bit sad, a little bit angry. Then these three feelings got a little stronger. So I grabbed the keys, went outside and sat in the car. When I recognised that I was alone and no one would hear me if I said sorry, these feelings attacked me. As if from no where. Completely uncontrollable. I cried, I growled, I hissed, I fumed. I apologised over and over. My chest grew tight, I gasped for breath. My arms and legs went numb and then they began to tingle all over, especially my hands. It took me a while to calm myself down (recognising that I was over reacting didn't seem to help me calm down even though it usually does in other situations). When I was finally calm enough to open the car door, I felt very cold. I looked at my arms and realised I was absolutely drenched in sweat. It looked like someone had sprayed me with a spray bottle. I could feel it dripping down my neck and the sides of my face (which was quite unnerving as I normally don't sweat at all). I wasn't going to go back to work like that - yuck! So I poked my head into the staff room and asked my dad to take me home because I was sick. He did. Writing this has made me cry. For some reason this is really emotional for me. I don't understand it and I don't understand my reaction at the time. I don't even know what to call this. I can't look at the door now. My rad won't let me. I should also mention that I think I had a mini premonition before it happened. I had a strange pressure on the top of my head for about an hour before it happened. I had even mentioned it to a colleague, how weird it felt. Anyway, any thoughts on this are welcomed and appreciated. Thank you for reading this!
