Venting

[Health-Scared]

I'm angry all the time. My moods crash and they skyrocket and they loop-de-loop and I don't really feel in control. I get upset so easily, am constantly ashamed of myself for being what I am, feel useless and ultimately worthless. People see me as the weird shy girl who randomly has over-excited outbursts or looks as if she were back from the grave with a vengeance. My father thinks I'm worthless, he won't listen to me, how I feel. He calls me immature and my mum just stands back nodding in agreement with him. I don't think I am immature. I don't think it is immature to try and have an adult conversation about the way someone is feeling. But that is just an opinion. One that is apparently wrong. I do volunteer work. Spend half the day staring into space because I can't remember if something was real or a dream, the other half is spent making other people's lives easier. My parents take credit for the aspects of me that other people comment on but the only way they have attributed to who I am is that I have always wanted to be the opposite of them. And I am. I want to move out of home, get away, but anxiety keeps me here. I don't know how to be by myself and I guess I'm afraid that if I leave, they won't let me come back. I don't have a lot of faith in humanity. I wish I wasn't human. Does anyone else feel this way?

[bruxby]

thank you for sharing this heartfelt confession. I do get where you are coming from. Growing up is not easy. It is filled with a lot of ups and downs. It seems like talking about some of the things you are dealing with really might seem to help you out and try to organize some of the thoughts in your head. From what you have shared I honestly don't think you are worthless and you sound very mature. Not many people take the time out of their busy lives to do volunteer work like you do to help people live a better life. That is something you should be really proud of. But you do need to take more responsibility for how you feel and how you behave. Even if you have things in your life that are not going your way. So keep trying your best and don't give up on yourself.