Unlocking Memories

[Health-Scared]

I don't have any memories of a period during my childhood. I have been told of an event that occurred by someone who knew me at the time but I cannot recall it. I can visualise the event she told me of using my imagination but that time is just blank. I also want to know how on earth I got to the point where that event she told me of could happen. I want to know what happened. I want to know what happened that was so bad, my mind couldn't cope with it.. But I'm not sure how to remember it and I'm not really sure if its a good idea to unlock the memories. I have touched the subject with my therapist and she thinks I shut it out because it was to traumatic to deal with at the time. She also said that in order to remember an experience that my mind has blocked is to trigger the emotions and feelings that I had at the time of the event. I don't know what happened so how can I trigger the emotions? Do I want to? Advice please ?? Thanks

[Cuchculan]

Would your own therapist not try hypnotheraphy at all? It is one way of taken a person back to earlier events in their lives. There is also EMDR. I think to try that form of theraphy you may have to know what the event was and have full knowledge of it. Once we lock someting away it can stay locked away if it is so bad. We simply don't want to remember it. Nothing we can do will make us remember it. Hence I say hypnotheraphy might be the best option. To take you back to that time. Once you unlock it that way, you can begin to work on making things right again. Chances are it won't be easy. It may be a very painful time. May hurt to remember. Which was why you locked it out to begin with.

[Health-Scared]

My therapist doesn't seem to think that unlocking those memories is as important as what she is currently treating me for. I never know if I'm doing any remembering right. It confuses me. Than you for the guidance, I appreciate it.

[tinam7]

Believe there are different schools of thought here. Goes back to Freud in my view who is mostly dismissed these days, but not by all.

In my view we can't know ourselves, can't be on truly solid ground if we dare not go back to childhood and face what must be faced. In some cases this must be done with professional help. Perhaps your therapist can recommend someone knowledgeable and experienced. Wishing you the best.

[LindaRK]

I was going through what you're going through right now - I actually came upon someone who was murdered.  Won't go into details, but my brain has all but blocked everything out.  My memory of before and after, dealing with police, etc.  Complete blank.  I know I was with someone at the time - complete blank.

I spent YEARS trying to find answers.  Came to a roadblock when I found out that the police no longer had records (this was 30+ years ago).  Newspaper articles had no names, as I was underage at the time.  Quite frustrating.

When I sought therapy, I learned that my mind was blocking this traumatic experience because I wasn't ready to deal with it.  At some point in my life, that could change.  I think I was more frightened of finding out the answers I was seeking.  I felt it was better for me to let it go.

I think it's really important for you to discuss with your therapist why you feel that it's so important for you to gain this knowledge and what it could do for you.  If you have nothing to gain by it - I wouldn't pursue it. 

[tinam7]

I may be wrong, but even here I tend to think it is better to confront what happened in order to address the innocence matter. Children tend to think they cause or contribute to the terrible event and so it can have long term negative effects. Just my thoughts.

[Health-Scared]

That's horrible! I'm really sorry you went through that. Both of your opinions present interesting queries.. Maybe I will bring it up with my therapist again. Thanks for the suggestions.

[JuneFly37]

Hi Health-Scared,

Are you dealing with trauma right now in therapy or is it just the anxiety your doc wants to work on? I have dealt with trauma (albeit a trauma I remembered) in therapy but, frankly, just talking about it didn't solve the anxiety problems.  Even if the trauma caused the anxiety, it doesn't mean working "through" the trauma will even everything out.

I had some abuse in my childhood and though I remembered most of it, I didn't talk about it. I went to a family therapy session once and I aired a few things out and that was helpful, but the anxiety didn't go away.  I have the feeling sometimes - from flashes in my head, brief memories - that I'm blocking out something else. I don't want to go down that road.

I have done hypnotherapy, but you've really got to be the right kind of person in the right mindset.

I would bring up your concerns with your therapist, but if s/he's not pushing you to recover that memory, there is probably a reason.

- June

[Health-Scared]

Hi June,

My therapist actually seems to be most interested in talking about my relationship with my father, though my reason for attending is to work on my anxiety. I'm 19 years old and am trying to figure out who I am and how I came to be this way so I can make any necessary changes to be the best of myself possible. This is mostly why I want to unlock these memories. I don't like the feeling that I am missing something. It's also partly curiosity.

Thank you very much for the insight. What was hypnotherapy like? Did it work for you?

[JuneFly37]

I know what you mean about feeling like you're missing something.... I wonder that sometimes too, since we often forget things, especially painful or troubling ones, from childhood. See what your doc says. She may want to bring you to a more stable, less anxious place before you go back to those memories. It sounds a bit like you don't want to talk about your dad - I could be wrong, but this is what I get from what you wrote. I imagine if your therapist wants to talk about your father, it is a valid topic. Sometimes the things that affect us most psychologically are the things we don't think about (or don't want to think about).

I am ten years older than you, but I did hypnotherapy when I was about your age. My therapist took me through a sort of guided mediation, which made me very calm and mellow. I had a lot of anxiety about college back then and I hadn't been sleeping. Doing the guided imagery made me zone out a little, so to speak. It helped the anxiety and she sent me home with a tape to play for myself to help me sleep.

It was nothing like you see in movies - she didn't regress me to my past or anything like that. I don't know if they really do that - I think the point is to relax you to a place where you feel comfortable talking about things that are harder when your mind is alert and protecting you.

How long have you been in therapy? Did something specific precede this?