i am dead! help

[bijous111]

  i got a call from my best of the best psy. doc yeterday, i do have health inusuance lost it 4 years ago, yet. if i do not have xanax 3 to 4 mg. a day, they will have to take me out in a closed coffin.   i have to seek another ... my low line psy....i have been battling for years and years with severe pad, i cannot do anti depressants i cannot do anything that works with my body and mind, but xanax. i being thrown to the wolves
i forgot to say, my dr. is retiring and leaving me nowhere.....i took it all in today, after yesterday's call. i honestly tried doing one less xanax today and felt like i was not "there", nothing looked right and i totally froze,,into a paranoid state of mind..
i am so afraid of what the low end dr. is gonna say about me...a pill seeker???????????  hell no, this all started when i was a kid!  i'll have to pay more money to even be able to function and the only thing for me, that saved my life, so i can live one more day, is xanax, the generic form.
so afraid that i can say this.....if i cannot afford the low-end dr...then he says...oh,,you're on too many mg's per day (3-4)

i am so afraid i'll be one of those under the bridge someday., looking and acting like a crazy person, yet thru and thru, the xanax has made me a person.......AND I DO NOT ABUSE IT!
thank you for listening

[bijous111]

well,i must be dead, no replies...lol!

[Josie]

You are not dead!  You may feel that way.  I know the feeling all to well.  I took Xannax and I now take the generic Xannax.  I found no difference at all.  As for seeing a low end doctor, I share your concern.   Don't get me wrong, there are some real good ones out there.  Some doctors go by a sliding scale or some just have a flat fee.  Ask your doctor for recommendations.  He shouldn't leave you out in the cold.  Maybe there is someone else in his office that you can carry over too. 
Do some searches on the Internet for doctors in your area.  You can find a lot of information about them before you see them. 
I hope for the best for you.