Enough is enough...

[Brody108]

This darn HIV fear just will not go away...I defeated it for so long and it has come back and the fear won't go away. I'm thinking about getting tested for the 4th time so I can put it behind me again. I feel like if I ignore it, I'll regret it soon if I get sick when I could have got on meds and lowered "my viral count." I know...crazy.

It's been 8 years since any sexual contact and I had all 3 tests after the window period (one 3 years after) and I've only had oral sex. I had a CBC at my last physical and everything was normal. I'm not sickly at all. My weird tongue is the only thing that keeps me thinking I have it and now I've convinced myself that Im having memory loss because I went to the oraquick site and it mentioned dementia. Tongue is only bad when I have dry mouth, which I think I have dry mouth so much because I'm so focused on my mouth.

On a positive note, the back pain that I was having every evening was magically gone after weekend vacation. I got home and realized "Hey, my back doesn't hurt anymore!" So that's a for sure sign that anxiety is definitely involved.

I just need some support. Wish I could shake this fear and move on. Living life like I did for 7 years since my last panic episode about this.

[Twobittehz]

I read your post and every symptom you listed you gave a reason why your fear is irrational. You said you were focused on your mouth and it being dry, you said you thought you had dementia because you read it. All of this leads to one big thing: You are getting over it and you will do this really soon. You are crossing that bridge! Congrats.

You've had tests that came out negative so that means you are okay.

Once you get this last test I'm certain you can put it behind you forever. You can do this!

Good luck :D

[marc]

If you had the negative tests before, I would not bother getting another one as you are OK.

[sassparella]

If you've had three negative tests you don't have HIV. By all means get the fourth test if you feel you need to, but you really don't need it. You're fine.