How did I get better.....

[sixpack]

or how did I cure myself or how did I beat back HA?   I am asked this somewhat often.  sometimes in the forum and sometimes in PM...

I've posted a lot of what I've done to get better...  as I don't believe in a cure....  so below I'll mention a few things.  some will be things you all have seen before.  AND sorry if it is a repeat.  BUT my answer to this question doesn't change...  LOL

so here is what I did to get out the acute phase of lunacy

My first dramatic fall into the pit in '97, This is what I had to do that to get myself out of it.  I had all the med tests and was seeing a therapist.  They wanted to put me on meds but I was nursing my daughter and, at the time, SSRIS were not given to nursing mothers.  I finally decided that I had two choices:  1. sit around in fear waiting for MS (that was my fear at the time) to slowly remove my life from me or 2. Take charge of this anxiety.  So what I did was delve head first into a huge gardening project.  Turns out it helped a great deal because it REALLY took my mind off of my bodily sensations.  This allowed my mind to calm down and, thereby, allowed my body to relax.  It wasn't over night.  It took several weeks.  During that time I didn't monitor the symptoms that I had been having NON_STOP for months---ie. twitching, face pain, arm pain, leg pain, numbness, tingling, shooting pains, jerking limbs.....   there were many more but you get the idea 

What is your thing?  IDK.  I didn't know gardening was my thing until I tried it.  Turns out I'm damn**  good at it AND it was so engrossing to me that I didn't even have time to think about my symptoms... which, imo, is key....

I eventually got into some other things:

volunteering.  I got heavy into several things at my church... social responsibility sorts of things---helping the sick (AIDS person), the poor, those who suffered miscarriages or other woman issues dealing with children.  I also got every involved with our neighborhoods homeowner's association:  ie the welcome committee, social concerns committee, neighborhood socials (helped with planning parties for the 'hood) and I served on the board.

we've since moved so I'm not so involved where we live presently.  However I do volunteer with a dog rescue...

So my suggestion for things to do are:

hobbies----crafting, gardening, scrapbooking, jewelry making ( I had a dousy of a headache last week that advil didn't help----made a couple of pair of ear-rings and the tension headache went away)
volunteer work..... lots of organizations you could help out in
exercise:  I walk my dog 2-4 miles. everyday whether is cold or hot or snowing or if I'm slogging through the snow.  If it is muddy, I wear my hiking boots.  If it rains, we aren't as adventurous but still, at least, a mile.  I take her in the neighborhood--walking or biking.  there are a few parks around and a lot of woods with trails.  We go.

eat right-----yeah I SUCK at this one, myself.  But I'm trying to get my cholesterol down.  I've lost 10-12 pounds since October.


I am not symptom-less.  When I experience anxiety/stress symptoms now, however, I don't look to disease X.  I look at what is going on in my life that is causing them.  At this point you are likely not able to find A stressor.  This is, in part, due to the fact that you are in the anxiety cycle of:  fear/stress/symptoms/fear.....  However once you are able to reduce your stress using a variety of tools, your mind will calm down and things will get easier and you will be able to manage this without BEASTY taking you for a ride.

AND

sometimes anxiety symptoms are relieved when one is TRULY occupied.  BUT remember a body has to be relaxed for a while before a body calms down.  So one cannot expect the brain to say----oh I"m working now and I'll just forget that I'm a mess really and give up on the aches and pains."    anxiety doesn't really have an on/off switch.

Personally speaking:

back in '97 I got very involved in gardening.  I mean really involved.  It took about 2 or 3wks working up some new garden beds.  in the end I noticed most of my symptoms were either gone or diminished.  But I had an extended amount of time in which I wasn't monitoring.

I've also had times when I've been stressed and decided----Okay I'm going to get involved in something to get my symptoms to go away.  guess what?  it doesn't work then.  cuz, on some level I'm still monitoring.

a year ago I was having, what I knew were stress/anxiety related headaches.  THey were pretty bad.  Well one day I went to help out at a dog rescue.  I walked 7 or 8 dogs over a period of two hours or so.  When I arrived, I had a headache.  At the end I got in the car and drove away with the realization that the headache was gone.  Within 5 minutes it was back.  YEAH can you believe that.

Had the same sort of thing on Monday with a headache.  took my dog to her training class with a headache... left without one.  believe it or not taking my dog to obedience class relieved it.

I've even had gardening or exercise that has made me more shaky

YES I am a mixed bag of tricks like most people I imagine.


JUST like any physical malady, a mental malady needs REAL time to heal   Unlike a physical malady though, with the mental WE have to make the DECISION to heal by changing our actions/thinking/behavior and continue to work on it even when it is hard.    Personally I believe mental issues are more difficult than getting through physical issues   

and the last of the repeat stuff


What I've come to understand both logically (the easy part) and emotionally (the harder part and this part can still sometimes be a challenge) that this is a lifelong process.  That doesn't mean I live in misery lifelong BUT that I am cognizant of who I am, how I react to stresses mentally and physically.   I really looked at my own personality and how that impacts the way I react to stresses.  I can see how my personality tends to react to stressors.  I am also aware of how genetics plays a bit of a role in all of this.  I also take into account my life experiences that can aid/abet anxiety.  This, in and of itself, took me being honest with myself.  It wasn't a one day thing.  It evolved through the years.  I am quite certain I'll gain more in sights about myself and life, in general, as the years go by.  This isn't always easy as we all have faults and we all have strengths.   Sometimes this part can be tough depending on the person. 
 

the bottom line is that WE are the captains of our ships.  If we don't steer it well, things go awry.  I simply got tired of running my ship aground.  I took a lot of leaps of faith and took a few chances.  Overtime I got better.  I've also learned that just because I have a fear or a thought, it doesn't make it true.  Just because my leg hurts or I"m dizzy, it doesn't mean I'm dying.  I've learned that I'm not going to let BEASTY take me down.  So that means I have to do things are often difficult.  I had to realize doing these difficult things meant it could take months before I saw results.

if a person needs to lose 20 pounds, is one day of eating well going to get him/her to that goal? No Is the person always going to eat well everyday?  No, some days the person will eat a bucket of ice cream, for instance.  If the person, finally succeeds losing those 20 pounds over a period of months, will this person be able to go back to the old habits without gaining all the weight back?  No

what makes we anxious peeps think working through anxiety issues is going to be easier?  That we'll wake up one day and be all better?     

Now we all CAN get better.  That doesn't mean we all will.  There will be some who don't and I'm sure we've all met a person in our lives who let life defeat them.  Don't let that be you.  You are better than that   


NOW for maybe the two people  who haven't seen my usual suggestions on getting started, here they are, again:

1. Therapy---meds if you and your doctor feel it is appropriate---everybody is different on this issue. but don't discount meds because you are afraid of them or think that meds are only for "weak" people.  Remember the BEST therapist isn't a miracle worker.  therapy is a two-way street. The client MUST participate and I don't just mean going in and unloading on the therapist.  A therapist is there to listen, true, but the therapist is there to challenge and get you to do things to aid in your recovery.  So the client must do the "homework" to get the most out of therapy. 
2. self-help books--lots of good stuff out there these days ---Claire Weekes has good books out there that explain how it all works.  One is Hope and Help for Your Nerves  I read "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck many years ago.  He speaks to people in a variety of ways.  He has a few other books too.   
3.  Exercise---even if you don't want to.  At first you are likely to feel miserable and panicky feelings are likely to bubble up OR rush at you.  It is BEASTY (your anxious overthinking) causing this.  But do it anyway.
4.  Eat a healthy diet.  This helps on all kinds areas of your life.
5.  Forums often have helpful advice.
6.  Hobbies--anything that completely immerses you in it and keeps you occupied.  This helps because eventually you'll get snippets of time when you feel good.  These are teaching moments because then you know it is obsessions/anxiety mucking with you.  After a while those snippets turn to hours then days etc.
7.  Don't pity yourself.  You can have a happy life.   As we experience life, we change.  Having any form of anxiety will impact your life just like all life experiences do.  But that isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Even once you are on the road to recovery, you will have a 'new' normal but that doesn't mean you aren't happy and fulfilled.





The other truths here that I had to face and not make excuses for myself were (and that isn't always easy):

1. Who cares if "I can't help it?"  what the hell good is going to do me if I fall back on that tired old excuse?  So what if I can't help seeking reassurance? So what if I can't stop myself from googling?  So what if all I do all day is take my BP or looking my eyes in the mirror or do that ridiculous hopping on one foot or  what ever self-test that captured my attention at the moment.  So what  if I continue running to the doctors and finding some way to invalidate what the doc says or allow myself to read some insane thing into how the doctor stood or sighed or said a word or put an accent on a word during the office visit? So what?  Well this is WHAT.............   I finally learned that if I continued with the garbage above it would be my own damned fault if I didn't get better.

2. I had to quit acting like I was doing everything I could to get better when I knew, being honest with myself, I wasn't...  Oh I may have been halfway trying some proactive things (maybe just enough to show family that I was making an effort) but often I was doing all the stupid reactive things.

3. I had to take responsibility for my actions---thoughts, behaviors... 

4. I had to take responsibility for fixing myself and not expect my hubs or mom or sister or kids or whoever, to be the one doing the heavy lifting.

5. I had to learn who I was.  Recognize how I choose to see things, react to things can be changed or modified.

6. I had to NOT let anxiety define me.

7. I had to accept that anxiety is not a JUST.  it has BIG implications.  It isn't innocuous.  It steals joy.  It ruins relationships.  It ruins financial well-being.  it hurts a body physically.

8.  I had to learn that I will never be stress free but I can learn to deal with it better.

9  I quit looking at "other" people with envy.  IE  I wish I had their life. I wish I were normal like them.  I wish I were carefree and happy like them.  Truth is everybody has their own struggles and trials in life.  I learned everybody has things that are worrisome to them.  I learned looking at others' lives like they were carefree was just a lie I told myself.

10.  I learned that anxiety lies.

11.  I learned that anxiety affects a body physically as well as mentally.

12.  I quit looking for a cure.  Actually I'm not really sure I ever thought there was one....

13.  I quit expecting my family/friends/society to understand how hard it was to have anxiety.  I took the view that it was me that had the issue and that I should be looking at how my family looked at me wishing for me to understand my thinking was wrong.


I could probably go on for ever here.  LOL....  but I won't... all in all........  I kind of just grew up...  maybe that sounds harsh but I decided grown ups have to deal with a lot of stuff.  AND I might as well get to dealing.   


and finally my tired old thread

  http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,60476.0.html

[LindaRK]

Another great post - keep it at the top!

I'm with you on ALL of this ..... I, too, love gardening and when the warm months are here, I'm out in the yard, which helps my anxiety immensely.  Volunteering is huge on my plate as well.

I find that when I have "down time" (in between volunteering, less work load or bad weather), I find that my anxiety can easily ramp up if I let it.

Staying busy with physically and mentally stimulating activities works for me!

[angrry]

thank you for posting this sixpack...it is very helpful...if you don't mind i'll print it and place it in my anxiety binder...something i can refer to when i don't have access to AZ...ty

[wegngis]

Sticky time.

[RNwithanxiety]

Thank you so much! I realize that I do every single one of your "truths"

What an eye opener! I've been working hard to "get better" but I've been only half-way doing it. You are amazing and so strong!

[trainwreck]

Great post!   

I have a theory that we are never really cured.  We can go into remission for years. (I did by doing most of what you posted).  But it will come back.  Sometimes sneak up on you.  And you have to beat it again.  But when you have beaten it once, it is much easier to work the logical part of your brain.  The trick is to put in the work to beat it that first time.  It does not mean your life is going to be perfect.  No one has a perfect life.  But you can live a very happy life.

I remember a time when it first hit me that I literally could not go to a grocery store or shopping mall without my wife. I went two years before I could eat inside a restaurant.  Now, even on my worst days, anxiety does not stop me from doing anything.  I might not feel great, but it never stops me.  That is light years from where I was at one time.  But it didnt come by hoping for it.  It came through developing a plan with my doctor and sticking to it.  Having setbacks and  fighting through them. 

[Slangevar]

I totally agree with Trainwreck... this is a chronic condition that can go into remission, but if you're not practicing good behavior, it can sneak up on you. 

Thanks for the great post, Six - you're an amazing voice of reason on this forum.

[sassparella]

Thanks for the post Sixpack. I have to say I do try and occupy myself when I'm anxious, though I have no real hobby that absorbs me, I think that is one of the problems, the things I do aren't all consuming so I can think about other things while I do them. I also tend to sabotage myself a certain amount and wallow, thinking I feel too crappy to do anything which doesn't help. Also the SSRIs I take tend to dull my emotions a bit so I find it very hard to enjoy anything much these days and am not really interested in any hobbies I try. This last thing is upsetting, but my psych is certainly not going to contemplate me coming off of my medication while I'm as anxious as I am these days.

I'm really glad you managed to fight your beast and win, it gives all of us hope, even me the queen of health anxiety at the moment.

[sixpack]

Thanks for the post Sixpack. I have to say I do try and occupy myself when I'm anxious, though I have no real hobby that absorbs me, I think that is one of the problems, the things I do aren't all consuming so I can think about other things while I do them. I also tend to sabotage myself a certain amount and wallow, thinking I feel too crappy to do anything which doesn't help. Also the SSRIs I take tend to dull my emotions a bit so I find it very hard to enjoy anything much these days and am not really interested in any hobbies I try. This last thing is upsetting, but my psych is certainly not going to contemplate me coming off of my medication while I'm as anxious as I am these days.

I'm really glad you managed to fight your beast and win, it gives all of us hope, even me the queen of health anxiety at the moment.

I get what you are saying sass.

thing is when we truly want to heal...  WE have to make the decision to do so.  We have to stop making the excuses to why we can't.   When we are always finding the reasons we "CAN'T",  we won't get better.   So when you are ready, the reasons you are giving why you can't get better will not get in your way.

[sixpack]

Another great post - keep it at the top!

I'm with you on ALL of this ..... I, too, love gardening and when the warm months are here, I'm out in the yard, which helps my anxiety immensely.  Volunteering is huge on my plate as well.

I find that when I have "down time" (in between volunteering, less work load or bad weather), I find that my anxiety can easily ramp up if I let it.

Staying busy with physically and mentally stimulating activities works for me!

I know gardening is the BOMB      Even though I am in Buffalo area and it is at least another month before even being near able to get in the dirt, I'm thinkin' about all the great stuff to do....

[sixpack]

Great post!   

I have a theory that we are never really cured.  We can go into remission for years. (I did by doing most of what you posted).  But it will come back.  Sometimes sneak up on you.  And you have to beat it again.  But when you have beaten it once, it is much easier to work the logical part of your brain.  The trick is to put in the work to beat it that first time.  It does not mean your life is going to be perfect.  No one has a perfect life.  But you can live a very happy life.

I remember a time when it first hit me that I literally could not go to a grocery store or shopping mall without my wife. I went two years before I could eat inside a restaurant.  Now, even on my worst days, anxiety does not stop me from doing anything.  I might not feel great, but it never stops me.  That is light years from where I was at one time.  But it didnt come by hoping for it.  It came through developing a plan with my doctor and sticking to it.  Having setbacks and  fighting through them.

I agree.

I am certainly not perfect myself..... which does VEX me to no end  .   I have days that I have to SHUSH Beasty....   But I haven't gotten myself dramatically whacked for about 4yrs now.

[Cheesus]

Great post!   

I have a theory that we are never really cured.  We can go into remission for years. (I did by doing most of what you posted).  But it will come back.  Sometimes sneak up on you.  And you have to beat it again.  But when you have beaten it once, it is much easier to work the logical part of your brain.  The trick is to put in the work to beat it that first time.  It does not mean your life is going to be perfect.  No one has a perfect life.  But you can live a very happy life.

I remember a time when it first hit me that I literally could not go to a grocery store or shopping mall without my wife. I went two years before I could eat inside a restaurant.  Now, even on my worst days, anxiety does not stop me from doing anything.  I might not feel great, but it never stops me.  That is light years from where I was at one time.  But it didnt come by hoping for it.  It came through developing a plan with my doctor and sticking to it.  Having setbacks and  fighting through them.

That's because it's all about healing rather than curing. If you heal a broken leg it doesn't mean it can't be broken again.

On a different note: thank you very much, sixpack, for sharing your knowledge! To help reinforce and support what you've written here and to give people the broadest possible base for addressing their anxiety, it might be helpful to also have a look at the thread 'Basis for Recovery' that I have shared in my sig.

[amsa]

very inspiring post, thank you! I feel like I've been trying to tackle my ha head on, but it making more anxious! not sure how to explain it but i decided to do pilates 3 times a week because i truly love it, but while i'm in class all my symptoms come up right before and during my class and it so discouraging! i end up trying to fight the thought that "maybe i should take it easy maybe my body is not capable of exercising". I'm still going to class but it's not easy. Also i've been doing meditations and chi qong and eft (tapping), thinking it will destress me a little bit but i've been more anxious and my neuro symptoms are increasing (on and off) and to top it off now I have weird heart things going on.... so am I focusing too much on myself and healing? to a point where it's stressing me out more? is that possible? I'm so trying to make all these changes in my life but it's seems to be making things worse! what's going on?

[bev1234]

This is one of the best things I've ever read. Over the years (and especially this year as you've already seen from my posts here) I've been up and down with anxiety driven things. It gets better an worse and recently worse... This post was very helpful in figuring out how to deal with what is going on.

[floridaguy65]

 BUT my answer to this question doesn't change...  LOL

Wonderful post - Six:)

And, yes, the answers to this question don't change. How can they change that much? It has been shown time and time again what can really help in our interractions with HA / ADs....and, on the flipside, shows what is quite counterproductive. There is a tremendous amount of history and experience (often our own experience) that offers up the do's and don't as far as learning how to better help ourselves accept and live WELL alongside our mental health challenges.

Of course, we all have a different backstory of our lives and varying intracacies of our own personalities. But the CORE actions and habits of helping ourselves and the FOUNDATIONS of a healing path are, basically, pretty much the same - give or take a little here and there.

There is NO magic pill, so to speak. Of course, meds have helped many. But, meds alone rarely get us to where we want to be, longerterm. Now a med can do wonders in pegging down our raging anxiety enough to where we can have some clarity (instead of wildly fogged up mind) and some calmer times, hopefully, where we can learn how to embrace all the positive actions and habits that can help lead us down a healing path, eventually.....and eventually can lead into longerterm. Many peeps have been able to peg down their anxiety enough, without a med, to seek out a healing path, as well. There should be no guilt in taking a med, if this is what is determined to be the most applicable, efficacious protocol. Again, meds alone are not the best path.

There is NO, simply, wishing this stuff away. It is nice and providing to have hope. But, all the hope in the world isn't enough if that hope isn't accompanied by some real life productive and affirming actions and habits....these are long term commitments.

There are a few very pervasive intrusive thoughts (patterns of thinking) that can create difficulties in our acceptance. Anxiety can make us feel as though each of us - our own case - just might not be able to be helped. We can see and hear about other peeps getting some firmer footing on a healing path, but for some reason, we can get so locked into our own fears and physical manifestations that we can feel we are helpless and our situation is hopeless. We can feel our case is worse or just a little bit different, somehow / someway, so all that we read and hear about just doesn't hold the same ability to help ME (YOU). Ultimately, do not be suprised that most of us will, overwhelmingly, best be helped in pretty similar fashions. Also, the "why me?" pattern of thinking is useless. Instead of asking, "why me?"....ask, "why NOT me?" If other peeps can find some longer lasting relief, why NOT me? The answer is: YOU CAN:)

When we struggle (or have struggled at some point) to the levels most often expressed here in The AZ, then our challenges are likely a lifetime journey. Anxiety Disorder(s) / HA are typically chronic conditions that wax and wane as we move throughout our life experience. Through our actions and habits (which heavily influence our mindsets, ultimately) most of us can get to where our anxiety holds less power to drive our lives and our anxiety does not dominate us. We CAN learn how to live so very well alongside our challenges:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

[Jesse1187]

thats for this, this site is really making me feel a little better

[floridaguy65]

We can feel our case is worse or just a little bit different, somehow / someway, so all that we read and hear about just doesn't hold the same ability to help ME (YOU). Ultimately, do not be suprised that most of us will, overwhelmingly, best be helped in pretty similar fashions.

Rewrite (makes more sense...to me anyway:)

We can feel our own case is worse or just a little bit different, somehow / someway, so because of this, we can perceive that all we read and hear about (as far as others getting help) just doesn't hold the same ability to help ME (YOU).

[bridetobe]

Amazing post!!!! Thank you so much! Big hugs to you for posting this.

[lawkcrabb]

Thank you, Sixpack!  I love your post.  I have just started gardening, I know I need a hobby!  I realize sun I am busy, even if it is running errands, I feel less anxious!  You rock!

[rr2005]

Thanks so much, Sixpack. You really are a blessing to so many of us on here!

[sixpack]

thank you for posting this sixpack...it is very helpful...if you don't mind i'll print it and place it in my anxiety binder...something i can refer to when i don't have access to AZ...ty

go right ahead.   

[sixpack]

 BUT my answer to this question doesn't change...  LOL

Wonderful post - Six:)

And, yes, the answers to this question don't change. How can they change that much? It has been shown time and time again what can really help in our interractions with HA / ADs....and, on the flipside, shows what is quite counterproductive. There is a tremendous amount of history and experience (often our own experience) that offers up the do's and don't as far as learning how to better help ourselves accept and live WELL alongside our mental health challenges.

Of course, we all have a different backstory of our lives and varying intracacies of our own personalities. But the CORE actions and habits of helping ourselves and the FOUNDATIONS of a healing path are, basically, pretty much the same - give or take a little here and there.

There is NO magic pill, so to speak. Of course, meds have helped many. But, meds alone rarely get us to where we want to be, longerterm. Now a med can do wonders in pegging down our raging anxiety enough to where we can have some clarity (instead of wildly fogged up mind) and some calmer times, hopefully, where we can learn how to embrace all the positive actions and habits that can help lead us down a healing path, eventually.....and eventually can lead into longerterm. Many peeps have been able to peg down their anxiety enough, without a med, to seek out a healing path, as well. There should be no guilt in taking a med, if this is what is determined to be the most applicable, efficacious protocol. Again, meds alone are not the best path.

There is NO, simply, wishing this stuff away. It is nice and providing to have hope. But, all the hope in the world isn't enough if that hope isn't accompanied by some real life productive and affirming actions and habits....these are long term commitments.

There are a few very pervasive intrusive thoughts (patterns of thinking) that can create difficulties in our acceptance. Anxiety can make us feel as though each of us - our own case - just might not be able to be helped. We can see and hear about other peeps getting some firmer footing on a healing path, but for some reason, we can get so locked into our own fears and physical manifestations that we can feel we are helpless and our situation is hopeless. We can feel our case is worse or just a little bit different, somehow / someway, so all that we read and hear about just doesn't hold the same ability to help ME (YOU). Ultimately, do not be suprised that most of us will, overwhelmingly, best be helped in pretty similar fashions. Also, the "why me?" pattern of thinking is useless. Instead of asking, "why me?"....ask, "why NOT me?" If other peeps can find some longer lasting relief, why NOT me? The answer is: YOU CAN:)

When we struggle (or have struggled at some point) to the levels most often expressed here in The AZ, then our challenges are likely a lifetime journey. Anxiety Disorder(s) / HA are typically chronic conditions that wax and wane as we move throughout our life experience. Through our actions and habits (which heavily influence our mindsets, ultimately) most of us can get to where our anxiety holds less power to drive our lives and our anxiety does not dominate us. We CAN learn how to live so very well alongside our challenges:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

 

[sixpack]

very inspiring post, thank you! I feel like I've been trying to tackle my ha head on, but it making more anxious! not sure how to explain it but i decided to do pilates 3 times a week because i truly love it, but while i'm in class all my symptoms come up right before and during my class and it so discouraging! i end up trying to fight the thought that "maybe i should take it easy maybe my body is not capable of exercising". I'm still going to class but it's not easy. Also i've been doing meditations and chi qong and eft (tapping), thinking it will destress me a little bit but i've been more anxious and my neuro symptoms are increasing (on and off) and to top it off now I have weird heart things going on.... so am I focusing too much on myself and healing? to a point where it's stressing me out more? is that possible? I'm so trying to make all these changes in my life but it's seems to be making things worse! what's going on?

I know all of this can be quite discouraging.   However, imo and in my own experience, I believe there are a few things going on here.  I even hit on most of this in my original post.

some of those are:

sometimes anxiety symptoms are relieved when one is TRULY occupied.  BUT remember a body has to be relaxed for a while before a body calms down.  So one cannot expect the brain to say----oh I"m working now and I'll just forget that I'm a mess really and give up on the aches and pains."    anxiety doesn't really have an on/off switch.

I've also had times when I've been stressed and decided----Okay I'm going to get involved in something to get my symptoms to go away.  guess what?  it doesn't work then.  cuz, on some level I'm still monitoring

a year ago I was having, what I knew were stress/anxiety related headaches.  THey were pretty bad.  Well one day I went to help out at a dog rescue.  I walked 7 or 8 dogs over a period of two hours or so.  When I arrived, I had a headache.  At the end I got in the car and drove away with the realization that the headache was gone.  Within 5 minutes it was back.  YEAH can you believe that.

I've even had gardening or exercise that has made me more shaky

What I've come to understand both logically (the easy part) and emotionally (the harder part and this part can still sometimes be a challenge) that this is a lifelong process.  That doesn't mean I live in misery lifelong BUT that I am cognizant of who I am, how I react to stresses mentally and physically.   I really looked at my own personality and how that impacts the way I react to stresses.  I can see how my personality tends to react to stressors.  I am also aware of how genetics plays a bit of a role in all of this.  I also take into account my life experiences that can aid/abet anxiety.  This, in and of itself, took me being honest with myself.  It wasn't a one day thing.  It evolved through the years.  I am quite certain I'll gain more in sights about myself and life, in general, as the years go by.  This isn't always easy as we all have faults and we all have strengths.   Sometimes this part can be tough depending on the person

I had to quit acting like I was doing everything I could to get better when I knew, being honest with myself, I wasn't...  Oh I may have been halfway trying some proactive things (maybe just enough to show family that I was making an effort) but often I was doing all the stupid reactive things.

I had to learn that I will never be stress free but I can learn to deal with it better
 

remember our bodies, when we get like this, are all amped up.  any proactive thing we do, while absolutely necessary, STILL takes time to get to working.  Even doing all of the proactive things perfectly will often take months to make good headway.  This whole thing is not a 1, 2, 3 and all is solved.   

In my own life right now--------  I've talked about it here on the zone.  so you may know about it.  Since Mid December and for 6wks thereafter were acutely stressful....  my hubs received a diagnosis, 6 out of the 8 of us had lice (and as the momma, I did the heavy lifting which took 3+wks to get under control) my mom had a stroke, there were end of life decisions my sisters and I had to make, my mother passed, then dealing with differences in how to ultimately put my mother to rest.   All of this stress ended up causing a substantial issue with my eye...  It is called central serous chorioretinopathy.  You can find threads about my saga here....   The usual cause of this is excess cortisol being released in the body during high levels of stress.  It has caused blood vessels to leak behind my retina in my right eye.  I have three leaks....  All of the stress that caused this issue has been resolved (even hubs dx has a game plan now).  So I am not all freaky.  I am going about my life.  BUT this damage to my retina can take four to six months to resolve itself.  In 90% of people it does resolve on its own.  Some people end up needing laser surgery or injections into the eye.   So here I am not wigging, getting on with my life BUT still having to let my body heal.  Stress did this to me.  Now imagine if I was running around anxious about it?  Running around trying to find only the sinister in it?  Running around only thinking about how much stress damaged my retina and fixating on it?  Do you think that would make anything better or do you think that would just keep my body in the fight/flight mode and thus causing further damage?    Well you and I both know the answer to it.  So what I am doing is going about life as usual.  I endeavor to not pay the situation any mind.  I am trying to let my body heal.  I go back to the retina specialist (and the regular opthamologist too) in May to see if things are better.  If not, then I'll need some treatment to help my retina heal.  Because this can't be left unhealed forever.

so what does my experience right there tell you?


now onto another thing that could be going on.   But kind of still tied to the above     As mentioned in my OP, you can be in the most engrossing activity, one that you love.  But if you are looking to see if you are better, what are you really doing?    You are monitoring your body.  So really are you engrossed in the activity?  Are you really leaving the over thinking at the curb when you go to do the pilates?   OR are you just doing the pilates WHILE you worry, scan, monitor?

I think it is freakin' fantastic you are moving your bum.  Keep it up!!!

Just remember,

1. an amped up body can take months of proactive habits before making head way.
2. look at what is happening with me and see how long it is going to take my eye to heal... this is an ACTUAL organic condition due to stress.
3. if you are looking or paying attention to symptoms while doing the proactive, then you are still monitoring.  AND that monitoring is going to slow down any proactive things you do.
4. an amped up body means lots of fight/flight stuff is going on.  there is lots of adrenaline being poured into our bodies thinking we are always being chased by the bear.  This wears a body out.  So any exercise or other proactive activity can make a body more shaky or exhibit other anxiety symptoms.
5.  Yes people can try too hard.  sounds weird but when one is trying too hard, it means one is monitoring how they feel.   If you get what I mean?


amsa---things get better.  they do. 

good luck

[greend]

Sixpack, I love reading your posts.  They are inspirational and calming at the same time.  You make so much sense.  Thank you.

Relative to what some people have posted, I still get this tingly feeling in my leg skin. Some days less, some days more and I try to think, WHY?  Maybe I am still focussing on it too much.  My doctor said he feels it is most likely stress related as all my test results have been normal and it hasn't progressed into anything after 8 years.  I haven't had it continually for 8 years - there have been years in between when I have been totally normal.  It is quite maddening to say the least. It's funny, I was in Mexico last week and I only seemed to have it when I first woke up for a while and then most of the remainder of the day I felt fine.  But, last year in Mexico I wasn't any better, so maybe the location has nothing to do with it....

I've been on cipralex for 3 months and I am really hoping that this helps. Ahhhh!

Six, I hope your eye heals on its own, but what ever you have to do to see normally, I am sure you'll be fine - the odds are certainly in your favour.  I am sending positive vibes your way. 

Thanks again for all your great comments, advice etc....

[amsa]

 another thing that could be going on.   But kind of still tied to the above     As mentioned in my OP, you can be in the most engrossing activity, one that you love.  But if you are looking to see if you are better, what are you really doing?    You are monitoring your body.  So really are you engrossed in the activity?  Are you really leaving the over thinking at the curb when you go to do the pilates?   OR are you just doing the pilates WHILE you worry, scan, monitor?

I think it is freakin' fantastic you are moving your bum.  Keep it up!!

Yes! You got me there  I am definetely still monitoring and scanning...all the time...especially when i'm in pilates... it has become such a paranoid habit and i'm having a really hard time finding a way to stop the scanning! i try to fully involve myself in an activity or sport, yet in the back of my mind i'm always scanning..

Thank you so much for your reply, you are a great help!