I feel your pain man, as well might others that read this post. PinkIcePrincess above has a great response and everything she says is true. Donít let people and past experiences define who you are, but let them help you build on the person you want to become. To set the stage, I am 34 divorced IT professional. I have a great career and a great outlook on Life, but it was no picnic getting to where I am today. I was brought up in a great family with traditional values and made the mistake of wearing my heart on my sleeve. Live and learn, but if I didnít go through my rough patches I am not sure how my life would have been. In short, if I didnít leave my small town to move where my wife at the time was from, I wouldnít have had all of the doors that opened up for me. Please donít read the response below as condescending, but read it as if your were talking to a good friend seeking some advice. I will not proof read this and second guess myself, but type it as thoughts come up, so donít hand it in..
No doubt that breakups and relationships are hard these days. You can read about all of the sayings that life has its ups and downs, and there are millions of articles on line trying to outline the ever changing direction of Life. But the truth is there is only one life and it is yours. You are the ultimate factor on how your life goes and how you feel. Like above, you are the one that needs to make the choice of being happy and follow that path, whatever it may be. Now I will get into my wisdom seeing that you are in college. You are preparing for the rest of your life with these years. You are on a stepping stone to get into the real world. High school and college are an umbrella and training wheels for Life, because it is outside waiting for you after graduation, and I wish I could say it gets easier. If you find yourself with anxiety, it is better to try to see where it is coming from in the early stages when it shows up, because as much as you wish you can just pull it out, you canít. Reaching out to friends and family is a great way to vent and I am sure you feel great afterwards, but find out the anxiety just comes back. The one thing I want to drive home is that there is plenty of time for relationships after college. I know it might not be what you want to hear, but imagine 3 years from now when you think back on the hell you put yourself through college with the added stress of a relationship. I know that there are tons of people that have great relationships thru college, and that is great. For others tho, it adds a great deal of stress to there already stressful curriculum. I am sure you have this monkey chatter in your head that is constantly dragging you down, and it can have a huge impact on you. Just think if you bombed a midterm because you had a fight or some deep conversation that left you feeling malice the days prior, or failed a class. All of that hard work just to start over <- kinda sounds like a relationship doesnít it.. If you are not an avid dater, and have been in only one serious relationship, you need to keep your options open. The chances that you find your perfect or a really great match on a first outing or after dating a girl for a while are pretty slim. We are all different and there are soo many women out there looking for a great guy, but dating (test driving) them is a necessity to see if there is a real connection with them, someone that adds to who you are and you to who they are. If you feel that you need to work on yourself to make you a better person, dater, boyfriend, or lover now is the time to do it. Do a dual major, you and your college major, I guarantee that both will work out to your advantage There are a lot of great books for self help on confidence, relationships, and overall psychology, just donít go for the pickup artist stuff.. Work on you. Work on making you feel great. Work on you being happy, because relying on another person doesnít work, and they will never be able to handle that kind of burden. Work on you with becoming the best you can become. After you get out of college, you will be Super You, and ready to take on the world and relationships. Just like college preparing you for your career, self help will prepare you for any social functions, be it at work or with a woman. I wish there was something else I could say to make you feel better, but no one can make you feel better, it is up to you to make yourself feel better. Everyone has had bad breakups, bad relationships, divorces, ect.. If no one has, they most likely have that road ahead of them and look to seek out answers as well. Time heals most all things, and with relationships, time does heal the wounds. It might not feel like it now, but day by day everything gets better. For the Ex factor, she has moved on and you have as well. Remember the good and learn from the bad. For the current relationship, evaluate it and see what the best is for ďYouĒ, and donít try to BS yourself, because you will call yourself on it. If things seem like they are spiraling downhill, there is something wrong. If it is with you, you need to work on it and nip it in the butt.
I donít know your situations as well as you do, so take all of this with a grain of salt. If you feel that you need to reach out to a psychologist, do so. They are great people and understand human emotions and how they work. They also have worked with many people and have great experience giving your mind a tune up, and there is no shame in seeing one either. If they werenít needed , there wouldnít be any. They help you find the root of your worries, and work with you to identify them, work thru them, and deal with them if they come up again. It is like they are a cheat code for life, because after they share their knowledge and work with you, it is like you have an upper edge on understanding how your emotions work, and that felling is really great. I do wish the best in the current relationship you are in, and hope works out for the best for what is right for you. I wish you well in life and your future endeavors. Just remember the sun will shine again, I can promise you thatÖ