Anxiety out of control

[shay_87]

Hi. Been a while since I've been on here. My anxiety is at an all time high and I need some help.. without going into yo much detail ill quickly explain the situation..  I work full time, I felt things where being said about me behind my back so when I stepped out of the office I left my phone behind on voice recorder.. I'm not proud of this but what I heard was horrifing. To cut a long story short I immediately contacted my boss and told him I wouldn't be returning.. He said he will look into the situation, but I feel there is no going back now..
There is no way my anxiety will allow me to step back into that place. But my partner is currently out of work and I'm recently found out in pregnant. I'm worries this anxiety will cause complications.. Why is ir that I'm the one has had horrible things said about me yet I feel like I'm in the wrong, that I'm to blame for telling my boss??
I'm so anxious that people will now be angry at me, when in reality I should be the one angry at them.
Am I doing the right thing? I'm do afraid that ill slip back into a deep depression.
Can someone please give me some tips for working through this anxiety.
Am I really in the wrong or is this my overactive anxiety ridden brain ?????

[Squeemy]

Ok I will say stop worrying that people will be mad at you. The problem with anxiety is it makes us worry about what MAY happen in the future. The truth is we dont know whats going to happen in the future so worrying about it just impacts our present and can create negativity in the future. Yes the people may be mad at you for telling your boss but they also may not be mad at you. By not returning to a job you need, you are giving gossipers of impacting your life which will make things harder for you & possibly create more anxiety ( which you dont need).

Someone told me once that you only get upset at negative things people say if theres a small part of you that believes its true and never make decisions when your upset as they are emotion fuelled. I'd definately return to work if I were you & since you have 100% evidence that your co workers were gossiping maybe confront each one individually at some point just to adress the problems they have with you. I know its easier said then done but you cant control other peoples thoughts but you do have control over how it effects you 

[shay_87]

Thank you for your reply. In an office of 5 people and the other 4 are ganging up on you it would take more strenght than I have to face. Im not a confrontational person. I think I'd struggle even walking in the door.
I will keep your suggestion in mind.

[shay_87]

I'm feeling alot of self blame. Am I to blame for the horrible things that there said? Is it my fault? 

[Squeemy]

I wouldn't say you are too blame. if theres something that your doing that they don't like they could always tell you instead of resorting to wolf pack behaviour & ganging up on you. It could also be a case of bullies preying on the weaker as a distraction from their own insecurities. Not meaning that you are weak but just using the word to illustrate what I mean.

I totally understand that suggesting confrontation to a non confrontational person probably isnt going to work  . What is your boss doing about it? Change your what if thoughts to so whats. Instead of what if they are mad at you say so what if they are mad at you. They should have told you instead of gossip & you wouldnt have told your boss then. Its their fault not yours 

[shay_87]

My boss has contacted out HR department and they are going to speak to the girls individually and see if some resolution can be made. But highly doubt it. They have already voiced the opinion that I'm at fault for recording the conversation and will not apologise.
I will let HR sort them out but as far as returning to work I don't see how that would work.