Fear of driving

[creamcheese]

I'm 22 years old and I've had my license for 4 years now. It's always embarrassing to explain, but when I was 17 (and attempting to get my license)-I was in such a rush that I failed my driving exam 3 times . I know it sounds awful, but I have had friends in my area who failed it more times than I did, so at least that made me feel not entirely incompetent. Anyway, I moved and finally got my license when I was 18 and got perfect marks that time. I felt pretty good about driving afterward, and I drove quite a lot. But because I don't have a car of my own, my dad needed the car, and I sort of stopped driving for a while. Around that same time, one of my friends attempted to commit self-harm and I became sensitive to a lot of things around me-for example, hearing awful news stories about people driving and such. I became extremely petrified afterward. I felt like, as somebody who failed their exam so many times, I do not deserve to be on the road. I am always scared of opposite traffic, scared about literally everything on the road now. I have avoided driving for almost six months, but I know it's silly-everybody in my class drives and I am always making excuses as to why I need rides. Sometimes, this motivates me to drive and I have driven ok. But there are times where I spend so much time with anticipation anxiety about getting behind the wheel.

If anybody has any tips or experiences, I would appreciate it.

[kconnors]

Hi,

First, you cannot undo the past. You failed . . .but you scored perfect on the test that counted. Failing a test should be a learning experience and it appears that is what it was for you. If I were to fail a math exam three times, does that mean that I should never use numbers?  There is no need to be embarrassed. Everyone fails at something. The choice is either you learn from it and move on or you focus on it and get held back . . . you appear too insightful not to simply deal with the issue and move on.

Second, I think that you are vesting too much power in what others tell you in terms of stories about driving. Driving is like any other skill. It takes practice which brings confidence. Here's a suggestion . . . why not consider signing up for some refresher driving course such as defensive driving? When you stop driving, then you stop reenforcing your knowledge. Take the course with a reputable school and then drive.

Third, as unfortunate as it is that your friend tried to commit self-harm, you are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own. I think that you may benefit from a bit of counseling to break the association that you have made between your friend's actions and your driving.

Fourth, being on the road is not an issue of whether you "deserve" to be there or not. It is an issue of having the skills to drive. You say that you are scared now to be driving so you need to look at counseling to understand why (you may think the trigger is your friend, but there may be something else) and a counselor can help you to understand and manage these issues.

Fifth, you do not need to make excuses for not driving. You are answerable only to yourself and if you do not feel like driving, then you do not have to drive. You are smart to recognize that you have anticipation anxiety and you are even smarter to know that you need to manage it. Do not let others dictate what you feel is best for you. At the same time, though, do not remain static. Get some help, get back on the road, and know that your issue is driving is a speed bump to overcome which I have ever confidence you will be able to achieve with a little support and guidance.

Keep in touch and let us know how things motor along for you . . .    Take care, KC

[harr077]

I suffered from the same thing. When I got my lisence I was so happy and excited until my mum was in a accident thankfully she wasn't hurt but since then I've been so scared to drive like a normal person. I catch the train to my work i only drive to the train station and that's about it for me lol.