I don't know where to start with this and I'm really exhausted so my thoughts may be scattered. If you take the time to read this then thank you. I don't expect any replies but some advice, and wisdom would be much appreciated.
I don't know if I can really categorize myself as an alcoholic, in some senses I can. The thought of being without alcohol scares me, intimidates me and makes me depressed; thats me being honest. I don't drink every day, mostly I just binge on the weekends, I drink excessively to the point of getting black out drunk. I've been putting myself and other people in danger because after the bar I'll drive myself home, very stupid I know, but thats the truth. I drive severely inebriated pretty much every weekend. I don't take the highway, or go very fast during these times, but I still make a selfish decision and do this.
I'm 22 years old, male, and I have an anxiety disorder. It can be crippling at times, I'm not taking any medication. I have Generalized Anxiety disorder and also I suffer from Hypochondria. I can't control my worrying at times, and I think I'm suffering from some deep depression. Lately after a night of heavy drinking, the next day I suffer intense anxiety, panic, I get light headed, my chest feels tight, my blood pressure increases dramatically, I have to fight with myself pretty much every sunday to not call an ambulance. These feelings have been going on for I guess about 6 months now and they're only getting worse. I'm concerned about what these days do to my body. My blood pressure gets dangerously, not only because of the effects of the hangover, but because I'm panicing. I once took it while freaking out and I t was 210 / 120. Normally my blood pressure when sober for a couple days is 120/70, pretty much perfect.
I want to quit drinking because the thought of dying young scares me, but the thought of a life without alcohol also scares me. I'm in my early twenties. Almost everyone I know drinks, thats what we do on the weekends. Its what I work towards during the week. I get excited about having some beers with my friends or going to the local bar. I'm single and I don't know how to meet women without alcohol, people think I'm a really outgoing person, but the truth is unless i'm extremely comfortable with you I can't even look people in the eye. I have social anxiety as well I guess, I don't want to be considered boring. I don't want someone to meet me and think I'm boring because I don't go out, drink and have fun.
I'm beginning to see how much alcohol effects my life, its the good things in my life and the bad things in my life all wrapped in to one. Without I don't know what life will be like. I'm scared, I'm depressed and I'm worried about the future. I don't know what to do. Any help would be much appreciated.
Thank you for reading, I know it got kind of long there.