Just had a HUGE fight with my husband...please help me.

[oceanlover]

I have been freaking out, like seriously terrified, because I have lost some weight. I was around 130ish in November-December...at my annual GYN exam I was 129, in January. At the GP the other day I was 125 and and the very next day at the YMCA the scale said 121! Anyway, I had a bit of a breakdown earlier and my husband came home on his lunch hour. We ended up fighting b/c he said my anxiety is ruining our marriage. He also said I only think about myself and not how this is affecting him. Then I got really upset and he told me I was being childish. I mean, I wasn't super nice to him either. And I know some of what he said is true. I just wish he could be a bit more sensitive...and he usually is. It just caught me off guard. Not only am I paralyzed with fear about this weight issue and how I am so sure i have cancer, I am now so concerned about my marriage. I don't want to ruin this. I just don't know how to make the fear go away. It's always something and it has been so bad lately. I feel so stupid. I am so annoyed with myself. But I really feel like the weight loss is serious and my husband is just getting mad at me. I can't stop crying. I haven't eaten at all today and have no appetite to do so, which also scares me. And I have two little ones to care for. Please, someone, help me. We have agreed to go to counseling, but I just need to talk to someone. My husband stormed out and went back to work. I feel so alone and broken. I am crying out to God...it's just hard to hear his still, small voice above all the noise of anxiety. Please, anybody...I feel like I am dying of cancer and losing my family all at the same time.

[ejmommy]

Sorry you are having such a hard time. I literally just posted about the terrible day I am having as well. I cried for 3 hours straight today and now feel even worse because of it. And because I have HA, now that I've worn my eyes out they hurt and aren't focusing right, and I'm scared it's optic neuritis! I swear I can never just feel normal or not be focusing on something, it's depressing actually.

I feel like you. My health is always forefront in my mind and I just "know" there is something wrong with me. Then all these other things start piling up.

I wish I could be more help but I am in a bad place myself right now. But I at least wanted to respond to let you know you are not alone. And this day too shall pass. At least that's what I'm telling myself for now! Hope you feel better soon.

[LindaRK]

Anxiety can cause weight loss - when I was first diagnosed, I lost somewhere between 30-35 pounds.

[oceanlover]

Ejmommy, I hope you feel better, too! Thank you for your kind words and for reminding me I am not alone.

[oceanlover]

LindaRK, can anxiety cause weight loss even when you still eat normally? I mean, I guess I have been skipping lunch a lot lately and my baby is now mobile so I chase after her a lot....maybe that has something to do with it??

[catrinclaudia]

I don't have much time, so just briefly:
I know exactly what you are going through. Had the exact same issue with weight and my husband.
The way I was dealing with weight was that I forced myself eat sooo much that I would not lose more weight. So I ate so much, I would normally have gained a lot of weight. But I didn't gain a gram, but also I didn't lose more. And as it is with anxiety, after a while I moved on to the next symptom, forgot about the weight loss and could eat more or less normal again.
So I promise you: Your weight loss might have been random in the beginning and then caused by anxiety around it. You wouldn't belief how much I had to eat to not lose more.

Second, my husband was the same. In general very sweet and supportive and understanding, but at some point totally fed up with me presenting new symptoms and freak outs every day. He said he can't stand that 'expression on my phase' that tells him all I am thinking about is a twitch in my toe..

Well, I started Zoloft and it changed everything!  No more anxiety (or not nearly as much).

[hamsterswheel]

Anxiety causes weight loss. Plus as you say you are skipping meals and running about after little ones. You have said today you have hardly eaten. That's what anxiety does.

Plus you have not lost that much. Plus remember different scales say different.

I've been going through a low point anxiety wise too and my appetite is minimal. I'm 37 weeks preg so I'm trying to eat. But yesterday all I had to eat was a small piece of bread with some meat. Then a little drop of potatoes, ham and sweetcorn for my dinner at night! Because I just felt sick with worry. Today not much better although I am having a lovely steak and salad!

It must be hard for our husbands. Ha is a very selfish disorder. Probably all anxiety is. Because it robs us.

[Slangevar]

I totally feel your pain. I'm dealing with a collage of digestive issues at the moment and dropped about 8 pounds last week, which totally freaked me out. Husband is so over it... he said the same thing: my HA is selfish; I only think about me and my health. When I'm lucid, I can see he's right. I suck all the pleasure from what is a really wonderful life and spend all my time worrying about ME. Not good.

I totally agree with the others - scales are all different and you're probably eating less/doing more than you realize. (Funny how easy it is to lose weight... all you have to do is eat a bit less every day!)  Hang in there!

[kazoo]

What I find is, whenever I am concerned about losing weight, I lose more weight.  Whenever I am concerned about gaining weight, I gain more weight, or at least cannot lose any. 

I don't seem to be able to control my weight by 'doing' anything-- trying to eat more, less, exercising more, etc., doesn't matter.

High anxiety is definitely associated with losing weight for me.  Menopause seems associated with gaining.

[sassparella]

you are having your weight taken on different scales each time. I have seen as much as a 5 kilo difference between scales. At my doctor's his scale put 3 kilos on me so it's not really an accurate reading of a change in your weight. I completely understand how you feel though.

As for your husband I can sympathise, it's very hard for family members or spouses to understand how we're feeling, to them we just need to snap out of it and stop feeing sorry for ourselves. My 18 year old son called me pathetic the other day, he apologised afterwards but my constant worry is getting to him. It often feels like we are dealing with this alone.

[Cattia]

I have this issue with my husband too, he gets really annoyed sometimes when I go on and on about stuff. I think he finds it frustrating because he tries to say all the right things but he feels as though I don't listen to any of it and just carry on with my own crazy ideas. I can see how it must be very frustrating for him. However I don't believe he has any idea how it feels to have your thoughts running round on a loop all the time. It's hard for other people to accept the way we think but nobody chooses to live this way, I think people who have never experienced this assume that we can just snap out of it of we really try.

[hypomom]

I agree with what everyone else is saying. PLUS do this. Weigh yourself in the morning before eating after using the restroom. THEN again after eating and getting dressed. THEN change your clothes and do it again. Then again before bed. You will notice your weight will be different EACH time. And as mentioned before, all scales are different. Skipping ANY meals and having a more active child contribute too.

Sadly, your husband is right. Ha is selfish and you need to speak with him about YOU getting meds/counseling along with counseling with him.

[marc]

My doctor told me that anxiety can cause weight gain and loss. My GI physician said a weight loss
of greater than 10% of your body weight with no changes in eating habits, exercise, etc., needs to
be investigated.

[Slangevar]

My doctor told me that anxiety can cause weight gain and loss. My GI physician said a weight loss
of greater than 10% of your body weight with no changes in eating habits, exercise, etc., needs to
be investigated.

Thanks, Marc. I've been mildly worried about some weight loss, as well, but it's nowhere near 10% of my bodyweight and I know I've been eating a bit less.

[rr2005]

First of all, what everyone is saying about different scales is right on. Also, the type of clothing you're wearing and the time of day you weigh can make a difference. Anxiety will cause me to lose a few pounds at a time...one of the only positive things about HA . I'm experiencing this with my husband too. He's tired of reassuring me and can't understand what I'm going through, so know you're not alone in this.